


The Journal

by Jenocide



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Apocalypse, Romance, Slow Burn, Violence, carmilla is a badass, catmilla, dystopian au, laura is a badass, the whole reason for this fic is because i love catmilla
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-01-22 04:43:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 47,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12473736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenocide/pseuds/Jenocide
Summary: Fifteen years ago, the world went to hell and everything Carmilla knew and loved died. Since then she's lived each endless day as a monster amongst an ocean of monsters. She's given up on ever finding happiness, for she was certain there wasn't a damn thing left in this world worth loving.There was nothing seemingly remarkable about the day Laura haplessly wandered into her life with a self-appointed quest to be a hero. It started out a day like so many others, except it was the day everything changed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Here's the debut of my promised dystopian au. Also my first M rated fic lol. If you're a fan of my writing, then don't worry, I haven't given up the smut. There will just be less of it.
> 
> I wanted to post this in time to celebrate the movie's release. And I hope to keep this updated on a somewhat regular schedule. Next chapter will be posted next week. Many thanks to Fox who is an endless source of encouragement :)
> 
> Also, this is going to be a dark world, and hollstein won't have it easy, but I promise that they'll be in a good place and happy by the end.

Carmilla’s front paws dangled from either side of the thick tree branch as she watched the action below. Below her, some idiot had deemed it a necessary part of their failed existence to cause a ruckus by wandering into a group of Infected. She might have been able to get back to sleep had the pesky thing not insisted on putting up a fight. The girl had downed two of her aggressors and was managing to impressively fend the others off. This tiny human didn't look like much, but she wielded two daggers with lethal precision.

The remaining five infected herded the girl until her back was plastered to Carmilla’s tree and she was defending herself from multiple sides. As entertaining as this break in routine was, Carmilla knew what the inevitable conclusion would be. This kid had maybe thirty seconds left before being overrun and torn apart, limb by limb. End of story. She only hoped there wouldn’t be an excessive amount of screaming. That kind of commotion almost guaranteed to alert any other Infected in the area. Which meant she wouldn’t be getting back to sleep any time soon. Once Infected arrived they tended to loiter.

One Infected grabbed the girl’s arm, but she deftly dropped to her knees and sliced through its Achilles tendon. The monster roared in agony, released the girl, and fell to the ground. The Infected’s cries were cut off when, a second later, she sliced cleanly through its throat. The human rolled away but was still cornered against the thick trunk of Carmilla’s oak tree. She held her daggers in a reverse grip and slashed at her attackers, keeping them at bay.

Carmilla had never seen an intelligent Infected, but these three seemed to recognize this as dangerous prey. They stopped trying to rush her, and kept their distance. Each picking up rocks and throwing them. Most missed their target and ricocheted off the tree, and the few that found their mark caused the girl to hiss in pain. She darted forward to attack one on her left, but was driven back by another Infected who held a makeshift spear.

Miraculously, she was holding her own. Carmilla found herself rooting for the little moron. Which led to other, darker thoughts. This girl was uninfected and it wasn’t like Carmilla had made any plans for her next meal. She’d fed a few weeks ago, but the thought of an unscheduled feeding made her stomach growl. This revelation meant she needed to save the idiot. Or preferably, wait until the idiot saved herself and then swoop in and grab her.

Without warning, the three Infected changed tactics. One launched the stick, turning it into a clumsy spear, while the other two charged. The projectile hit, but wasn’t thrown with enough accuracy or velocity to do much more than act as a distraction. Before the other two reached her, the girl in turn threw one of her knives. Her target stopped and dropped to its knees, clutching ineffectively at the blade now lodged in its throat. As impressive as the throw was, it didn’t change the balance of the fight. The last two were on her and Carmilla knew she couldn’t wait any longer. Not if she wanted that meal for herself. She snarled, a demon filled with pure rage.

The final two, a man and a woman, raised their gazes to the tree branches just as she leapt out of the deep shadows provided by the canopy of leaves. Carmilla landed on one of the Infected, her claws tearing through the soft tissue of the woman’s stomach. The thing started howling, vocalizing its pain in the loudest way possible. She quickly pounced on it’s head, and felt a satisfying crunch beneath her paw. The last Infected, a man, continued to struggle with the girl. He could’ve run, but that would mean giving up food and no Infected ever chose self-preservation over its fury. She was about ten feet away. Close enough. She knew she had to be careful not to ingest the its blood. The meal the girl represented wouldn’t be worth that kind of suffering.

She needn’t have worried; the distraction of her attack had been enough. With her remaining dagger, the girl stabbed the Infected in its belly and twisted the blade sharply. He stared down at her, his expression more human than it had likely been in a decade. He collapsed, his weight falling limply on the smaller body beneath him. He must’ve weighed nearly double the girl, but she pushed him off with surprising strength. The Infected was dying, its breaths coming in short panicked gasps, but Carmilla’s attention was elsewhere. The girl. The girl who seemingly had forgotten or never even noticed her. It was almost insulting.

“Oh crap, I’m not dead. I can’t believe…oh god,” the girl said, breathless and gasping. Exhausted, her arms lay extended at her sides. In a rookie move, she’d released her knife after burying it in the Infected’s gut.

Crouching low, Carmilla stalked closer, her paws silent as they padded through the damp leaves and sodden earth. She didn’t have a plan. She only knew that this girl was a meal. A meal that she wasn’t quite desperate for, but one that might not be there when the thirst took hold. She waited a second too long, and the girl flipped to her feet, suddenly aware of the threat and the fact that her weapons were not in her hands. Not that they would’ve mattered. The knives wouldn’t hinder a vampire, but she’d prefer not to get cut.

“Crap. Okay,” the girl said, hands held forward as she backed away. “Nice panther. Good panther.”

Carmilla followed her, unhurried. She could be accused of playing with her food, but this was the most entertaining thing that had happened in months. The girl was baby talking her and canvassing the landscape for something, a weapon or escape route. The knives weren’t an option, Carmilla had already situated her body between her prey and the bodies of the Infected that housed them.

“Here’s the deal, panther. I can’t let you eat me okay? I’m sure you’re hungry, so if you just follow me a little bit I can help take care of that.” She quickly glanced over her shoulder, looking for something, then said, “Right over there.”

Curious enough to see exactly where this was heading, Carmilla allowed the girl to lead her away. Not far, perhaps fifty feet, she was able to make out a large backpack lying next to the beginnings of an unlit fire. When they reached those supplies, Carmilla dug her claws into the ground, prepared to strike if her prey reached for a weapon.

Instead, as if this were the most normal situation in the world, the girl knelt and picked up a half-skinned rabbit. “It was going to be my dinner, but you should have it. For saving me,” she said, and tossed the offering in front of Carmilla’s feet.

Carmilla stared down at the thing. It was puny and wouldn’t have been filling even if she hadn’t required an entirely different kind of sustenance. She lifted her head and noticed the the girl wore a nervous smile and was nodding encouragement.

“Good panther. Aren’t you a big kitty? Eat the rabbit, not Laura. Laura is gross and stringy. The rabbit is delicious, yum.” The girl, Laura, slowly reached for a nearby walking stick and used it to push the rabbit a little closer to Carmilla.

This was ridiculous, why wasn’t she feeding on this child? Carmilla squinted at her and decided that Laura wasn’t a child, simply a very tiny human. Not much larger than the rabbit if she was being honest. But she was alive, and filled with blood.

Laura grimaced and asked, “Do you want me to finish skinning it? Or maybe I could get you a fresher one-oh. Hey, you’re hurt. Crap.”

That’s when Carmilla noticed the sharp sting in her foreleg. A steady throb that grew more insistent with each passing second. The offending object looked an awful lot like the stick that the Infected had carried. It was impaled through a muscle in her leg and out the other side. She guessed it probably happened when she leapt from the tree onto the Infected woman. The promise and distraction of fresh blood had kept her from noticing the pain, and now that rush of adrenaline was wearing off.

In pure Darwin award fashion, the girl was inching closer. In her mistaken concern, she’d dropped the staff and made herself completely vulnerable. Carmilla was stunned that anyone could be this stupid. Maybe the little idiot got injured in the fight and lost her senses? Either way, she now knelt in front of Carmilla, a predator.

“Please don’t eat me. I won’t hurt you, I only want to help,” Laura said, her tone soothing. However, the trembling hand she reached out betrayed her nerves. “Gentle, alright? I won’t hurt you.”

Carmilla smelled the girl’s fear, it hung in the air, heavy and palpable. It was an undisguised terror that coursed through the girl’s veins, and yet, this tiny human didn’t falter. She intended to administer first aid to what she thought was a wild animal. A wild animal that could maul her with ease.

The truth was far worse. Carmilla was the monster in every child’s nightmares, the warning that fell from a person’s lips when they spoke of evil. She’d been these things for so long she didn’t know how to be anything else. Strangely enough, those dark thoughts faded when Laura’s hand came to rest on her shoulder. Her touch was delicate, a caress that was probably meant to relax her, but had the opposite effect. The fingers running through her fur probed a distant memory, something long dead that sifted at the edge of her awareness.

“Right. I’m going to look at this. Just remember that you’re a sweet kitty who doesn’t like to eat humans.” Laura drew in a shaky breath and then exhaled. She repeated this multiple times. “You’re insane, Hollis. What are you doing? This panther is going to eat you. Oh god, please don’t eat me.”

The girl was petting her now. Petting Carmilla like she was an overgrown house cat. Really, there was no point in letting this charade continue, but Carmilla had to admit that the girl’s hand felt nice on her fur. Almost comforting. Laura’s hand progressively moved closer to the wound. Her fingers brushed the tender flesh around the punctured tear. She made audible clicking noises with her tongue. Like a mother who was tending the injury of a small child.

The pointed end of the stick protruded about three inches out of the top of her leg. If she changed form, Carmilla could make quick work of it. And the girl. She continued repeating this fact to herself, like a mantra. Turn into a vampire, drink from the girl. This kill would be easy, so why hadn’t she struck? The human’s blood would flow like a fine wine upon her tongue.

“Well, it’s not terrible, but it’s not great,” Laura said, and chewed on her bottom lip. “We need to pull it out. It’ll come clean, I think. But I have a feeling there’s no way you’re going to let me do that without chomping me.”

It was a valid concern. Carmilla considered this and wondered how she could move this along. She doubted she could pull it out in this panther form, but also knew there was a significant chance she could injure herself worse transitioning back to human. Of course, vampire wounds healed at an accelerated rate, but that would be a waste of the energy she gained from Laura’s blood. So, it  _would_ help to have someone else pull the stick out. Satisfied with her logic, Carmilla lifted and set her heavy paw in the girl’s lap. Then stared at Laura expectantly.

Laura barely reacted. “I guess that’s permission?” Frowning, she regarded Carmilla as if she was trying to put pieces of a puzzle together. “There’s something…”

Frustrated, Carmilla sighed—growled—when Laura continued to hesitate. This was stupid, she should just rip the stick out of her leg and drink from the girl. She didn’t even have to kill the little idiot, just take enough to fill her belly and heal her torn flesh. Carmilla felt that she was owed that much for saving her. Afterward, she could go back to sleep and Laura could go back to getting herself killed. The whole event would hardly end up as a blip in the endless sea of monotonous days that made up her life.

Laura drew in several calming breaths, and said, “Here goes.” She gripped the crude spear from the bottom and pulled it out the way it had gone in. White-hot burning agony. The entire process lasted less than a few seconds, but to Carmilla it felt like an eternity. Unfortunately, an immunity to pain wasn’t among her abilities. Being supernatural didn’t mean that she felt pain less than a mortal. In some ways, it was worse for her, because pain made her hunger flare. It called to her now, demanding that she attack her tormentor.

Laura must have perceived the danger because she rolled away, landing lightly on the balls of her feet, the discarded walking staff now in hand. Carmilla didn’t hesitate. Supernatural speed gave her a distinct advantage, and she swiftly slipped under the girl’s guard and had her on her back. There were two things that saved Laura in that moment. She reeked of Infected blood; it covered more of her than naught. And secondly, her eyes were defiant and angry. Not terrified, but furious as if she’d been betrayed.

This was absurd. Less than ten minutes ago, Carmilla had been planning on eating this girl and now she was concerned about having offended her. Ridiculous. Slowly, as not to scare her any more than she already had, Carmilla lifted her bulk off Laura and slunk backwards until she rested on her stomach a few feet away. She licked at her throbbing wound, which was more of an instinctual action than something that would do any good.

Meanwhile, Laura scrambled away, falling over her pack and landing roughly on the ground. Her lungs were working overtime to sort out her panic. “I’m alive. Again.” She watched Carmilla for any signs that another attack was coming. After about a minute, she said, “I don’t know why, but I don’t think you’re a normal panther. I’m not sure what that means exactly,” her eyebrows creased into a frown, “but it seems like you almost understand me.”

If she had been able, Carmilla would’ve laughed. But she too was confused and unsure of how to proceed.

Once again proving herself to be foolhardy, Laura inched closer. “This is just a hunch,” she said, “but I think if you really wanted to hurt me, you would’ve. I’m guessing what just happened just now was because I hurt you. I’m sorry about that, I didn’t want to. So, before we part ways, with you going off to do your panther-y things that don’t involve snacking on me, and me going off to find my mom, we’re going to try this again. And yes, I totally realize I’m insane, and I should be trying to get away,” she tentatively rested her hand on Carmilla’s paw, “but I want to make sure this isn’t going to get any worse.”

Laura grimaced as she examined the damage. “Good news is that it isn’t bleeding much. Bad news is that it looks almost…black. That doesn’t seem right.” She sighed, reaching blindly for her pack. She ruffled through its contents before removing a soiled t-shirt. “I know this doesn’t look clean, but I promise it is. I hate to waste clothing like this, but I’d feel better bandaging that up.” She ripped the cloth into several strips, then wrapped one after the other around Carmilla’s foreleg. Each time she tied a strip off, she cast a nervous glance at Carmilla, but never wavered in finishing her task.

Carmilla watched her work and acknowledged the kindness, unnecessary as it was. In that moment, she decided not to eat the girl. Not yet anyway. Her curiosity far outweighed her hunger. Where had this human come from? This world, now a bloodthirsty wasteland that gave birth to a multitude of predators, only had room for monsters. Those monsters took many forms, but there were three that should have made the existence of this girl impossible. The Infected, whose sole purpose in life was to rage against those who weren’t burdened with their disease. Then there were humans, who endured by reverting to their baser needs. They, above all, deserved every ounce of suffering inflicted upon them. She’d wish them wiped out had they not been necessary for her own continued survival.

But, how Laura managed to avoid vampires was the question of the hour. No matter how skilled she was with her knives, she wouldn’t be able to mount any kind of defense against even the weakest of vampires. There weren’t many of Carmilla’s kind left, but they weren’t so few that a lone human would evade their notice for long.

“That should do,” Laura said, as she tied off the final bandage and inspected her handiwork. “I’m just going to mosey on. I’m pretty sure I need to stop pressing my luck.” She set about collecting her belongings and hefted the heavy pack onto her shoulders. Finally, she stared over at the pile of Infected bodies, and said, “I guess I need to go get my knives…which are buried in corpses. Gross.”

Almost unconsciously, Carmilla followed her. Only when Laura whirled around did she stop moving and sat down.

“You need to stay here, okay? I’m going to go do people things, and you should go do panther things.” Laura snorted, then clarified, “Things that don’t involve eating me. Oh, hold on. I forgot about your food.”

Carmilla continued to sit while Laura walked over and retrieved the rabbit. It was still half skinned and now covered in dirt. Laura smoothly finished the skinning process by pulling the fur off the rodent with a firm tug. She then opened her canteen and poured water over the carcass, effectively cleaning it.

“It’s not the best, but you should be able to eat it now,” Laura stepped forward and held the rabbit out for Carmilla to sniff.

Like hell. She had no intention of consuming that sodden piece of roadkill. Carmilla growled in indignation and swiped it hard with her paw which sent the pitiful thing flying about twenty feet away.

For a few moments, Laura stared at her hand as if trying to figure out what happened. When her brain caught up to the present, she glared at Carmilla and said, “I can’t believe you just did that. If you didn’t want it then you could’ve just walked away. That was my dinner, you—you—you butthole.” Exasperated, she threw her hands up in the air. “Oh my god, I’m yelling at a panther. I need to go right now while I still have an ounce of sanity.” She pointed a finger at Carmilla and said, “You stay right there. No following me.”

Carmilla huffed and waited all of ten seconds after Laura walked away before going after her. This slip of a girl thought she was going to make the rules? That was laughable. She wasn’t trying to be inconspicuous. This gave her an opportunity to be annoying and figure out out her next move. Relieving her thirst had quickly become a secondhand priority and would almost be a waste of resources. The hunger wouldn’t start dominating her thoughts for a few more weeks. That should give her enough time to solve the mystery of the girl.

Ironically enough, Laura no longer seemed worried by Carmilla’s presence. She strolled over to the pile of corpses and stared at them. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I wish it hadn’t been this way.” After retrieving and cleaning off both blades, she peered over her shoulder and noticed Carmilla sitting nearby. Without speaking, and without another look back, she stood up and walked away.

For the first mile or so, Carmilla kept her distance. Her ears were attuned to the surrounding area in case some other looming danger awaited them. The woods were quiet, though, and so was Laura. She moved briskly, but her footsteps were whisper soft. By the time dusk fell, Carmilla gave up any pretense and caught up to walk along side her.

“I was wondering how long you planned to stay back there,” Laura said. Her eyes were alert, scanning the horizon. “If you’re going to stick around we need to come up with some ground rules. Number one. Laura Hollis—that’s me—is not dinner. Number two. You aren’t allowed to waste perfectly good food just because you think it’s beneath you.” She paused, then continued, “I’m reserving the right to add rules later. I’m too tired to think of more right now. Hey, think it’s safe to make a fire?” Laura asked, as if expecting an answer. She picked up a few fallen branches and sighed. “The wood is still too damp from that earlier rain shower. So, that’s a no on the fire. Let’s see if we can find a place to rest that’s at least a little dry.” She peered up at the sky, filled with angry clouds. “I have a feeling the rain is going to start up again.”

As they traveled along, Laura continued the one-sided conversation. Mostly about random things they passed. A rusted car, a fence pulled over by heavy weeds, a red cardinal that added a brush of color to the landscape. Anything that caught her eye deserved a mention. It was surreal. Laura talked to her like they were friends.

Eventually, they came upon a series of small cabins. They’d been ransacked, doors ripped from their hinges and windows shattered and broken. The interiors of these buildings promised to be cesspools and the chances of them still having anything useful was nil. But Laura was clearly taxed, and needed to rest. One by one they checked the cabins, and while none were suitable for long term habitation, they did find one that was mostly intact. As an added bonus, there weren’t any dead bodies or vermin to deal with.

Fifteen years of accumulated grime covered every surface of the one room cabin. The building smelled a little of mold and feces, but it met Laura’s one requirement. It was dry. In one corner, an unwanted box spring lay on the floor. It was soiled and grass looked to be growing out of one corner. Still, Laura sighed and said, “I’ve slept in worse places. Okay let’s hole up here tonight and wait out the rain.”

Carmilla looked around the room then shuffled over to the bed and stretched out on it. She yawned then stared at Laura, daring her to object. Who’s making the rules now?

“Of course, you’d take the only bed,” Laura said with a groan. She set her pack down and leaned against it. “Whatever. That’s fine, I’m too tired to care.”

Outside, rain began to fall, first in steady drops then heavy sheets. The roof wasn’t doing its job very well, and slow drips fell from cracks in the ceiling. When one hit Carmilla directly in the head Laura laughed and said, “That’s what you deserve for being a butthole.”

Carmilla growled and shifted her weight so the water stopped hitting her. She wasn’t irritated with Laura’s laughter, she was fascinated by it. Laughter didn’t belong in this world. People didn’t laugh anymore, not unless it was flavored with hatred and maliciousness. But Laura sounded almost happy, smiling in amusement and in the process made herself an even greater conundrum.

“Hey,” Laura said, smile still in place. “I’m not sure why you tagged along, but I’m glad you’re here. Although, my dad would freak out if he knew I was hanging out with a panther.” This was spoken in a hushed conspiratorial tone. “So, are you some enhanced mutant panther from a former government lab? I mean, you seem relatively tame, and you are massive. That would make sense.”

Tame? Whatever. Sighing, Carmilla rested her head on her paws. If the chatter kept up, this would be a long night. She closed her eyes and began to drift off when she heard a scurrying noise followed by Laura lifting her tail up. Carmilla lunged and swiped at her, but missed.

“Calm down,” Laura said. “I only wanted to see if you’re a girl or a boy panther. I think if you’re going to stick around, you’re going to need a name, right? Something better than Panther.”

This time, Carmilla didn’t hold back. She hissed and showed her teeth.

Laura wasn’t bothered, or bothersome enough, intimidated. She leaned against her backpack once more. Her voice was soft, wistful. “After things went bad I lived in this compound with my parents that managed to keep things pretty normal for a while. It didn’t last, nothing ever does. But they tried to make things okay for us kids. I remember this man still had electricity going and we got to watch movies. Well, there was this one called The Jungle Book and in it there was a panther, like you. He was a boy, but I don’t think it really matters. That panther was special, and even though you can’t talk, you remind me of him.” She smiled, looking every bit like a beacon of light in the long dark. “Anyways, let’s call you Bagheera.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eat the girl? Save the girl? Carmilla just doesn't know...

Black as the pit, and terrible as a demon was Bagheera. Inwardly, Carmilla laughed at the irony. Yes, she was a monster, a demon, but certainly not the Disney character she’d just been named after. Laura laughed freely, tickled at her own joke. Carmilla thought again how she smiled too easily and attempted to domesticate panthers. It was ludicrous and somewhat…endearing.

Mattie had always preached about the importance of not naming one’s food, and Carmilla finally understood the wisdom in that. Name your victims, and you might end up giving a damn about them. In a few weeks time, she’d be consumed with thirst and Laura would discover her terrible mistake. She’d try to leave her alive, but ultimately, that wouldn’t matter. Left weakened and to her own devices, Laura would fall into the hands of something worse than a vampire. A kinder fate would be to kill her. Despite accepting the inevitable, Carmilla was plagued with a foreign emotion. Guilt. There weren’t many bright spots left on this miserable planet and she intended to destroy one of them.

Currently, the object of her dark thoughts slept soundly on the dirty hard floor. She watched Laura, her hand laid out and fingers open as if reaching for something or someone. Occasionally, she whimpered, a distressed moan that made Carmilla wonder what kind of horrors plagued her dreams. It infuriated her that she cared. This girl, she was one of them. One of the useless self-righteous humans who, in their fear and ignorance, destroyed the world. Not a single one of them deserved an ounce of mercy. None, not even this one. Except…

The room suddenly felt stifling, the weight of her anguish almost too much to bear. Unreasonable fury blinded Carmilla. She knew Laura had been little more than a child when the world went to shit. But that didn’t change what she represented. A human.

Humans who in their rush to judgment had deemed it necessary to eliminate the vampire threat. Threat. The very idea was absurd when considering the end result of their efforts. Vampire’s had died, yes, but those losses couldn’t begin to compare with the self-destruction the humans wrought upon themselves.

Trapped inside unwelcome memories, Carmilla recalled one of her last nights with her beloved sister. Mattie. Mattie who’d embraced vampirism with unbridled glee. Who showed Carmilla that death could be beautiful. On that remembered night, Mattie dragged Carmilla to the roof of her sky rise condo. She was drunk on blood and dancing across the rooftop. Laughing, she proclaimed her sovereignty over the universe. Blood from her wine glass sloshed over the side to rain droplets on the pavement. She giggled at her own foolishness and kissed the tip of Carmilla’s nose. Mattie then cupped Carmilla’s cheeks with both hands, her touch cool but her eyes warm and fond. She spoke of life, their adventures, and all the wonders they’d yet to see. She spoke of a million tomorrows. It was all a lie, but on that night, Carmilla remembered hope. And now, nothing of Mattie remained, but a memory. Mattie. Beautiful, striking, bold. Gone forever.

Perhaps none of this would’ve happened had vampires continued to operate in obscurity. Perhaps Mattie would be alive and ridiculing Carmilla for her many romantic entanglements. There were never as many girls as her sister assumed, but Carmilla missed that teasing playful smirk. These were foolish thoughts, the might have beens and the what ifs. Mattie was dead. Mother was dead. William. All dead, never to return.

It was a cold comfort, but in the end, humans got exactly what they deserved. They destroyed themselves, they lost their dignity, their minds, their souls. Apropos. Mattie might be dead, but her murderers were little more than rabid monsters. They attacked anything that moved: strangers, friends, family members. After fifteen years, humanity was on life support. And even though their end would inevitably mean her own demise, Carmilla still wished for it.

Quietly, she slipped off the bed and stood looming over Laura. It would be so easy to end this now. She closed her eyes and shifted back into her vampire form. Laura slept curled on her side, one arm hugging her middle. Every few seconds she murmured something unintelligible and agitated. Carmilla didn’t care about her nightmares, she was more interested in the vein that stood out on Laura’s neck. She’d been staring at that particular vein often over the last day.

“You’re not any different than the rest of them,” Carmilla whispered, her fangs sliding from beneath her gum line and she knelt beside Laura. Her blood, fresh and untainted, a feast...

Carmilla hurled herself from the cabin and raced aimlessly through the lush woods and wreckage of strewn homes seeking a refuge she knew didn’t exist. Lightning crashed nearby, striking a tree and ripping half of it to the ground. The storm thundered and roared, an echo to her own internal torment. She hadn’t been able to stay in that tiny room with Laura any longer. Watching her sleep and knowing that her kind was responsible for so much needless suffering infuriated Carmilla, but she hadn’t been able to strike. She snarled in displeasure into a night sky that didn’t give a damn about her troubled thoughts.

Why had Laura wandered into her life? And why hadn’t Carmilla killed her? The downpour of rain had washed away any pretense of saving Laura’s blood for when she truly needed it. Blood was rare, but not an impossible find. There were scattered communities of humans that would trade a few cups blood for deer carcasses or other food she scrounged up. A necessary evil and swallowing of pride. More often than not, however, she’d been able to capture and feed off a wayward traveler. She’d never played nice with humans, so why now? Why Laura?

For the first time since watching Mattie die, Carmilla was plagued with doubt. She’d sworn to rain destruction on those responsible, every last one of them. And now one unassuming girl had her at ends with herself. So she ran. Haphazardly leaping from tree to tree, supernatural grace lending her purchase where there should have been none. Faster and faster, her speed carried her across the shattered landscape. She was doing her best to outrun the storm, both the physical and the internal.

There were two ways out of this wretched life, neither of which were acceptable. Drink from an Infected, or face the sun. Hell no to the first, and for whatever reason, she wasn’t quite ready to accept the second. In the early days, after the fall, Carmilla tried several times to face the dawn but lacked the courage. Or the necessary hopelessness. She’d needed purpose, something other than sleeping her days away. And that purpose arrived in the form of harassing human settlements. The worst of them, she outright murdered and terrorized. Other humans she bullied, demanding their blood in exchange for their lives. None were spared. None were shown mercy. Until Laura.

Somehow, without intending to, Carmilla ended up back where it began. The oak tree. The bodies of the Infected slain at Laura’s hand lay in a heap underneath it. Some kind of animal had already feasted on the remains, and the putrid stench of released bowels made her keep her distance. Lucky for them, they were immune. If she wanted her tree back, those bodies would need to go. For the second time that day, she shifted back to vampire. Removing the bodies would be safer this way. Risking contamination by biting one of them was out of the question. She’d probably survive a few drops of Infected blood, but why risk it?

The storm was barely a trickle of rain in this area, and Carmilla viewed that as a good sign. She hadn’t given in to Laura’s blood and would need to find another source that much sooner, but ultimately felt better by being away from her. She felt more like herself, less out of sorts.

Carmilla hefted the body of one Infected over her shoulder and dragged another along with her free arm. There was a river nearby and she figured that would be the quickest and easiest way to dispose of the bodies. After dumping the seventh and final corpse into the river, Carmilla moved upstream and stripped out of her clothing, which smelled of death. Her frayed leather jacket that had seen better days. Serviceable black jeans and a tattered t-shirt she’d stolen from a human who mistook her for a victim. She, however, took his life along with the shirt.

A few hours still remained before sunrise. All vampires gained an innate sense of time when they were raised, but Carmilla usually could guess the hour within a few minutes. She’d wait until the first hints of dawn rose on the horizon before shifting back and taking up her post in the tree. Her home. She chuckled and rolled her eyes at the realization that she’d grown attached to a tree. It had saved her, months ago, when she hadn’t been able to find a source for blood.

At that time, she hadn’t fed for over a month. Her mind had begun to slip; visions of past lovers teasing at her perception of reality. Smiling girls who winked and laughed joyfully while baring themselves before her. They offered an escape if only she’d allow herself to tip over the precipice. Carmilla had reached for them, unable to remember when she’d seen anything so beautiful as these long-dead lovers. Until she came upon the oak with it’s thick trunk and branches that towered over the landscape, reaching toward the heavens. She stared at it for hours, and while she did so, the visions faded. The tree was an anchor for her sanity. She climbed and slept in the highest branches, close to the stars. That night two humans, traveling alone, also found and marveled at the wondrous oak. She gorged herself on them and decided that perhaps she’d found a temporary home.

She slipped into the water and washed before crawling out to rest on the grassy bank. As she did so, Carmilla’s hand touched something unexpected. It was a plastic bag providing protection to a thick leather book. Frowning, Carmilla tore the plastic away and examined her find. The leather was soft and worn, but otherwise nondescript. The book appeared to be a diary, its pages slightly damp despite the protection from the elements. The print inside was tiny and cramped, as to take up as little space as possible. Her vampiric night vision made it possible to read the words. There were hundreds of entries, but she opened to the most recent.

_Mom, I know you wouldn’t approve, but I’ve decided to come after you. I can almost hear Dad telling me to be smart, to stay safe. But he’s not here anymore and there’s no one else willing to help. People keep telling me that there’s nothing I can do, but I just can’t accept that. I can try. What I can’t do is sit around not knowing what happened. It’s been a week and I’m out of my mind with worry. Was it vamps? Or slavers? I’m not sure which would be worse. Everyone else has given up. Some traders came through and said they saw a group that could’ve been our people tied together and being taken south. That’s something, a hint. I’m leaving tonight. Either way, I’m coming after you._

_While no one was looking, I slipped inside the weapons shed and stole some supplies for the journey. Don’t worry, I didn’t take much. I’m scared, terrified actually. But if I do nothing, then who am I? You’ve always been so strong, so I swear I’ll be strong for you now. I love you Mom, and I’m coming after you. I’m going to save you._

Carmilla closed the book and frowned. Did this belong to Laura? She wasn’t aware of everyone who passed through, so the likelihood of this belonging to someone else seemed possible, but slim at best. She thought again about Laura and the kindness she’d shown. Her incessant need to fill the silence with chatter. And for the first time in years, Carmilla realized that she liked the sound of another person’s voice. Even if that voice didn’t actually have anything remotely important to say; Laura really did babble on endlessly.

She wasn’t sure how long Laura had been on the road searching after her mother. None of the entries in the diary were dated, but Carmilla suspected it hadn’t been long. There’s no way someone with Laura’s complete lack of survival instincts could stay alive for long. It wasn’t her problem. She raised her hand up to throw the diary in the river but hesitated.

In the last fifteen years, she’d met one kind person. One person who despite her circumstances still made jokes and tried to help wild animals. It struck Carmilla then, why she hadn’t been able to kill Laura as she’d done to so many other humans. She was good. Kind. Considerate. Even in the face of danger and her own pressing need, Laura thought of others. None of these were qualities worth having—not if you wanted to survive. But they were rare, and something that seemed extinct until Carmilla met Laura. She thumbed through the diary once more and saw something that went unnoticed before. On the inside of the book, in the upper left corner were the letters, L.H. Laura. She wasn’t sure what the “H” stood for.

Carmilla gazed at the stars, realizing she had a choice. She could stay here, wasting each day away until eventually the call of the sun would be too enticing to resist. Or she could do something crazy; something completely unlike her. She sighed, annoyed, but stood up and examined her clothes. They were still wet, but she shimmied into them anyway.

With one more glance at the diary, Carmilla slipped it into the inner pocket of her leather jacket and changed back into a panther. After a quick stop, she made great time on the way back to the cabins, to Laura. The storm had passed and by the time she returned, the first rays of sunshine illuminated the sky. And when she strolled into the cabin, it was to find Laura already awake and preparing to depart.

“Bagheera!” Laura said, smiling. “I thought you’d left me and…whoa.”

Carmilla dropped the rabbit she’d caught at Laura’s feet. It was a stupid sentimental gesture and she felt every ounce the idiot for doing it. But, Laura beamed at her.

“Best. Panther. Ever,” Laura said, exaggerating each word before petting Carmilla and picking the rabbit up. “I’m starved. I don’t think I’ve eaten in ages. We should probably get a move on, but I think if I cooked this now we could share it on the way. There’s a few scraps of wood over there in the corner I could start a fire with.” She petted Carmilla again, scratched behind her ears. It was nice, which was more than enough reason for her to growl and cross the room. She’d catch a quick nap while the rabbit was cooking.

They were walking along, Laura eating and trying to feed bits of the rabbit to Carmilla, when she said, “So, you want to stick with me, Bagheera? A girl and her panther? I’m on a mission and I think a fearsome jungle cat would up my odds of success. We might have to hurt some bad people.”

Carmilla’s eyes widened. Great. Fuck. She hadn’t really thought this through. She was following an idiot into a dangerous situation. No matter how skilled at fighting Laura was, this would be a hopeless rescue mission. If it was slavers who’d taken the group, then one of two things would’ve happened. The slavers would’ve either sold the captives to vampires or they would’ve killed the men and sold the women into a worse fate. If vampires had them…well, it would be better if this quest ended now. Either way, these people were dead and this adventure was doomed.

Laura reached down and offered her another piece of rabbit. Carmilla nipped her hand in response.

“Ow!” Laura yelped, dropping the rabbit and cradling her hand. She glared at Carmilla. “I can’t believe you did that. I was trying to be nice.”

Carmilla yawned. Excellent, there wouldn’t be any more offerings of rodents.

“You hurt me, Bagheera.” Laura held out her hand as proof, where a thin line of blood flowed and dripped from her fingers.

Without thinking, without any consideration at all, Carmilla licked the blood from Laura’s fingers. Instantly, she tensed, only pure willpower keeping her from attacking.

Laura didn’t seem to notice her conflict. “Oh no, kisses don’t make biting me okay.”

The sound of Laura’s voice seemed distant and foreign to Carmilla’s ears. She was sinking deeper and deeper beneath miles of water. She hadn’t had practice resisting the call of blood in years. And really, until this moment, she wouldn’t have seen a point in denying herself. However, through the murky haze of her awakened hunger, Carmilla knew she didn’t want feed from Laura. As suddenly as it arrived, the urge to feed faded. She could breathe again.

They continued on, with Carmilla now trying to keep her distance, but Laura wouldn’t let her. She gravitated in Carmilla’s direction. Usually, so she could partake in her new favorite pastime, petting the panther. Her fingers scratched soothing patterns between Carmilla’s shoulders. This attention wasn’t…entirely awful.

She could still smell a faint trace of Laura’s blood. Still taste it on her tongue. It lingered in the back of her consciousness, but her desire for it had inexplicably faded into a dull thrum. Carmilla chose not to examine this change of heart. Instead, she craned her neck so that Laura’s fingernails could rub at a pestering itch. Perhaps all of the petting had a use after all. Every hour or so, Laura glanced at the sun’s position and adjusted their course. Carmilla didn’t know where they were going, and neither, apparently, did Laura. The diary said she would be heading south, but that was a direction, not a destination.

Carmilla hadn’t figured out what she wanted from this situation, but the last thing she intended to do was allow herself to be led into a shit storm. That part was easy. Walk away. Issues arose, though, when considering Laura’s complete lack of self-preservation. As the day wore on, Carmilla finally realized exactly where they were heading. Her first clue was the smell. It could be detected from miles away, a foulness that polluted the air and served as a warning for any entering the territory. The decaying odor of putrid rotting bodies grew stronger the further south they traveled. At one point, Laura stopped and tied a piece of cloth around her nose and mouth. Although it was probably inadequate protection from the overwhelming stench of death. The second clue concerning their destination arrived in the form of skulls. Everywhere. Hanging from trees. Impaled upon crooked sticks. Others painted and stacked together by the dozens to form bastardized totem poles. The bodies they belonged to, were strewn across the landscape. The headless corpses numbered in the hundreds, perhaps thousands. Most were skeletal or unrecognizable husks, but the further south they went, the fresher the bodies became.

And through the center of the bodies, a road that led in one direction. This mass graveyard had a name, The Sea of Skulls. She’d never been here but had heard of it a few times. The name was apt, and the part of her that appreciated the macabre found a certain beauty in the scenery. At the center of this ocean of decay would be the city of Point Nemo. Carmilla wasn’t expecting much. Human towns these days were usually little more than fortified farms.

Laura hadn’t said anything, her shoulders squared and spine rigid. No gasps of outrage or horror escaped, and Carmilla wondered how often she’d been exposed to these darker aspects of humanity. As they neared the city they came upon thick columns of wood that had been driven into the ground and stood fifteen to twenty feet tall. Steel spikes had been hammered into each side of these columns, and from those spikes, hung vampires. Each impaled through the heart. Seeing their bodies displayed like this didn’t cause Carmilla to feel sympathy for them. The idiots probably thought they could attack the city and paid the price for it.

Sometimes she wasn’t sure whether to be thankful towards Mother or curse the sadistic woman for her part in shaping this world. Being reborn from a vampire as powerful as Mother meant that Carmilla didn’t need to feed as often as most of her undead brethren. The average vampire would need blood as much as twice a week, which would’ve made them desperate enough to attack a well-armed settlement. Supernatural abilities were little consolation when one was starving.

“They didn’t deserve this,” Laura said softly, gazing up at the remains. “The vampires. They might have done terrible things, but this isn’t…” She trailed off, unable to find a word to suit her needs. She stared at them for several minutes, and then without another word, lowered her head and continued on.

Carmilla huffed. What was there to say really? They were dead. It didn’t matter what they deserved, or not. Her more immediate concern was how to go about not joining them. What did Laura think was going to happen? She doubted that the citizens of Point Nemo would open their gates for a panther, and shifting was out of the question. Which meant she’d be letting Laura run off by herself.

The city itself was more impressive than she’d expected. It looked like a clusterfuck of cars, random sheets of metal, and other junk. But the walls were high enough to keep most enemies at bay. That, and the snipers who had a rifle trained on them. Carmilla kept her body crouched low to the ground, hoping she’d be hidden by the low light of early nightfall.

“State your business,” a gruff voice called out once they were in earshot.

Laura squinted up at the towers trying to seek out the person who spoke. It was already too dark for her to make out any individual person. “I, uh, I think my friends might have come through here. I was hoping to ask around.”

“Your friends aren’t here. You have thirty seconds to move along.”

“I can trade,” Laura said, words rushed out. “I have things to trade.”

“Yeah, I bet you do.” The man in the tower laughed, a booming disgusting sound. Carmilla guessed she could climb up there and rip his throat out before he could utter another disrespectful word. She and Laura would then be shot down, but it might be worth it.

“Books, cards, canned food. That’s what I have, nothing else.”

“Come back tomorrow,” the man said after a moment’s hesitation. He must have decided that Laura’s offer of goods was worth seeing. “Sun is setting, you might be a vamp. Can’t risk it. There’s shelter about a mile east of here. Careful, there have been some Infected sightings in the area.”

The shelter turned out to be a neighboring farmhouse now collapsing from disuse. No bed, furniture, or even a door to keep pests out for that matter. The only hospitable part of the building was near the entrance. Carmilla inspected the room with disinterest and chose a corner where she could watch the doorway. Laura sat down next to her and began systematically pulling items out of her bag. Two of which turned out to be a candle and some matches. “I hate using this,” she said, “but I want to take inventory.”

Carmilla examined the collection of belongings once they were splayed out. Humans had clearly lost all semblance of self-respect if this crap could be traded for anything. Canned green beans, at least twelve years expired. Some marbles. A card game. Two paperback books that were missing their covers. Laura gathered the marbles and slipped them into a side pocket of the pack.

“I’d rather keep the marbles, they’re great with my sling. The rest of this isn’t much, but all I need is some information,” Laura said. She picked up the candle causing the light to flicker and blew out the flame.

Darkness. Carmilla loved it here, but Laura scooted closer to her. The petting started again too. Soon, though, the fingers that combed through her fur fell away and Laura drifted off. Carmilla watched her for awhile, still torn about her personal motivations for being here. She’d have to reveal herself eventually, and needed a plan for when that would happen. A worry for another day.

When she was certain Laura slept deeply, Carmilla climbed to her feet and exited the cabin. In seconds she’d shifted, scaled the tree, and was straddling a tree branch while flipping through the journal. At least eighty percent of it was filled out. The pages weren’t numbered, but each entry was. Every inch of paper, including the margins, had been used to record Laura’s thoughts. Carmilla knew she should return it, but she hadn’t cared about doing the right thing in a very long time.

A few hours later, she reverted to panther form and jumped back to the ground. Something was off. In the middle of the room, the candle flickered. Her pack lay on the floor, but Laura was nowhere to be seen. Then she heard an audible click. A gun.

“I won’t miss,” Laura said, her voice filling the room. “I think it’s time we talk. I saw you out there, so maybe you should explain exactly what you are?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr: [ heyjenocide ](https://heyjenocide.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura's initial reaction to discovering her panther isn't a panther is a little less than positive.

“What. Are. You?” Laura asked again. Each word was clipped, angry.

Peachy. Carmilla swiveled her head to the side and saw Laura standing in the doorway, a pistol held firmly with two hands. The weapon was pointed in her direction. A bullet probably wouldn’t kill her, but she didn’t really want to test the theory.

Laura stared at Carmilla and her expression no longer held any warmth. “Last chance. I know you move fast, but I’ve got plenty of bullets and I don’t miss.”

Considering the shadows of the room, and her own supernatural speed, Carmilla liked her odds. However, it wasn’t a point she wanted to press. She hadn’t forced her way onto this ridiculous excursion only to get shot by the girl she’d saved. That left her with one option, so she took a deep breath and shifted.

Smiling wryly, Carmilla turned around to face Laura and said, “Looks like you figured me out, sweetheart. Although, I’m not sure if I should be impressed or wonder what took you so long.”

“What are you? Answer me,” Laura hissed through clenched teeth. She pointed the barrel of the gun at Carmilla’s chest, her heart.

“Oh come on, I think you know exactly what I am.”

Laura frowned and shook her head. “What? No, I don’t. You’re obviously not infected and you’re not a vam—oh. Oh. Oh crap.”

“Ah, now she gets it.” Carmilla winked and flashed a smile, showing a slight hint of fangs. “You’ve been spending time with the big bad bogeyman, cupcake.”

The expressions on Laura’s face ran the gamut—shock, dismay, fear. “Vampire. You’re a vampire. I can’t believe I’ve been traveling with a freaking vampire.” The words were laced with condescension and unmistakable disgust. They were said in a tone that left little doubt about Laura’s opinion of Carmilla and what she was.

This reaction wasn’t unexpected, but that didn’t make it sting any less. Carmilla’s temper flared white-hot. “This vampire saved your scrawny ungrateful ass.”

“Ha! You probably saved me so you could eat me. I know all about your kind.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly false. She’d planned on eating Laura. Sometimes Carmilla really hated living up to stereotypes. “Maybe, maybe not. But that doesn’t change the fact that I saved you. Which begs the question about your intentions now. Planning to shoot me, sweetheart?”

“Don’t call me that,” Laura said, backing out of the doorway. “As for my plans, I’m going to leave. And you’re going to stay here and not follow me. If you do, then yeah, I will shoot you.”

Carmilla scoffed. “I give you an hour before something kills you, Sundance. An Infected, a vampire, gross incompetence.” She shrugged, a condescending smirk playing at her lips. “Could be anything, but I’m leaning towards incompetence.”

“I survived just fine before I met you, Bagheera,” Laura snapped.

“Survived or got lucky? You were on the road all of, what? A few days before you blundered through a group of Infected, led them to my tree, and woke me up?” These were guesses, but from the blush that spread across Laura’s cheeks, Carmilla knew she’d hit the mark. Some part of her took pleasure in lashing out like this, and in the embarrassment her words caused. Carmilla could’ve left it there, but her anger burned and so she went in for the killing blow. “I know your type. You want to be a hero. Save some friends? Save the day? Maybe prove to everyone you aren’t completely worthless? A burden? Hmmm, struck a nerve have I?”

Gasping in outrage, Laura staggered back a step and her aim with the gun wavered. “How dare y—”

In the space of a single breath, Carmilla covered the space between them and ripped the pistol from Laura’s hand. The weapon tumbled to the floor and hit with a dull thud. Carmilla’s fingers wrapped around Laura’s throat and held her against the wall. Their bodies were pressed together, too close, and without even realizing she’d done it, Carmilla’s hand had instinctively tilted Laura’s head to the side, exposing her vulnerable neck. The predator inside her, the darkness she could never quiet, thrilled at this display of dominance. Demanded that she consume her prize. But the part of Carmilla that had read the journal, read about the girl who risked her own life for another, cracked. With a sigh, her anger melted away. She released Laura and picked up the gun.

“Look, if I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve done it on the day we met,” Carmilla said, and offered the weapon back.

Wary, Laura glanced at Carmilla and then at the gun. Finally, she accepted it, clicked the safety, and tucked it into her backpack. She rubbed at her neck—where Carmilla’s fingers had been—and she asked, “Why did you come with me if you weren’t going to kill me?”

Draping her arms over her knees, Carmilla sighed and said a half-truth, “I never planned to actually kill you.”

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better,” Laura grumbled, lowering herself to the floor, and sitting as far away from Carmilla as she could get and still be in the room. “You didn’t answer my question.”

No, she hadn’t. Carmilla didn’t quite have an answer to that, so she deflected. “Boredom. How many chances am I going to get to see one lone girl rushing headlong into certain doom? It promised to be entertaining. For a little while, at least.”

Laura glared. The frustration in her body language was clear, fists balled and white-knuckled shoulders rigid and tense. “Great, so I’m entertainment for a vampire who apparently wasn’t going to kill me. Which, sorry, but I still have some doubts about that.”

“Good, maybe you have some common sense after all.”

“Excuse me?”

“You shouldn’t trust me,” Carmilla clarified. “From the moment we met, I’ve been curious as to whether you’re an idiot or simply, stupid. Ow!” A rock had hit her in the forehead.

“Those are the same thing,” Laura said. “You’re being an ass.”

Carmilla rubbed at the sting and said, “Nice of you to notice. That’s going to leave a mark.”

“Yeah, well, you deserved it Bagh—wait. Do you have a name?”

“Carmilla.”

“Carmilla,” Laura said, emphasizing each syllable, testing the sound of it on her tongue. “Carmilla. It’s nice.”

Unconsciously, Carmilla closed her eyes and soaked the word in. This was the first time in fifteen years that she’d heard her name spoken by another person. It was odd, because from Laura’s lips her name sounded almost familiar. Something that had always been there.

Laura opened her mouth to say something, then paused. She chewed on her lower lip then said, “Hey, I’m sorry…for the way I reacted. I was surprised. I mean a vampire panther combo? Whoever heard of that? I don’t know why you helped me, but yeah, I know I’d be dead if you hadn’t interfered. But you did, and well, I’m grateful.”

“You’re lucky I was there, and not hungry. You shouldn’t be out here.”

“Why exactly do you care?”

“I don’t. Just stating the obvious,” Carmilla said, her tone lacking its previous bite. “When I saw you, those Infected were seconds from tearing into you. This is an ugly road you’re walking.”

Laura wiped at unshed tears. “I don’t have a choice.”

Frowning, Carmilla watched her. For the first time since they’d met, Laura seemed small, fragile even. Shoulders drawn, head bowed, and caught somewhere between determined and defeated. Carmilla should let it lie—this wasn’t her problem—but that damn diary felt like a heartbeat in her pocket, hammering against the steel walls of her conscience. “Why are you out here alone?”

“There was no one else.”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “No one else? Huh, I’m calling bullshit on that one, sweetheart.”

“People were taken. Some of us looked, but after a few days they gave up. I can’t do that. I won’t give up on her. My mom, they took my mom,” Laura said stubbornly. “I know I could die, I don’t care.”

“Yeah, well, there are worse things than death.” The look on Laura’s face told Carmilla that she didn’t need to say what those things were. She was reckless, yes. But stupid? No, Laura definitely wasn’t stupid; she understood the dangers and chose to face them. It was all too disgustingly brave. Carmilla wanted to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of this situation. Vampire and human, conversing.

“What happened?” she asked, curious and hating herself for it.

Shaking her head, Laura hesitated and drew in a shuddering breath. “I don’t know exactly. My mom and six people from our community went on a scavenging run. We keep having to go further and further out for supplies, so they were gone a few days before we knew that something had happened. Our hunters found a survivor. He said the people who attacked them, took our people south. I figured if Mom and the others were going to be sold, it would be here, in Point Nemo.”

With a derisive snort, Carmilla asked, “Somebody survived? Yeah, there’s your traitor.”

“What? No, he’s a good man. He was attacked, left for dead.”

“But not dead. Did he recover?”

“Yes, but—”

“Traitor.”

“Do you always think the worst of everyone? Even people you haven’t met?”

“Yeah, I do. Call me a pessimist, but it’s realistic,” Carmilla said, giving Laura her best exasperated look. “There’s not a person left on this miserable planet who wouldn’t hang you out to dry in order to save their own skin. Hell, most of them would stab you in the back for a fifteen-year-old can of dog food, and you’re naive if you think otherwise.” Laura was kidding herself if she thought this “survivor” wasn’t the one responsible for her mother’s disappearance. Who even knew if he was telling the truth? The captives were taken south, could anything be any vaguer? Laura would’ve been smarter to torture the truth out of him and then accept the fact that her friends were dead.

“Will you eat me if I fall asleep?” Laura asked after several uncomfortable moments of silence.

“Tell you what, cupcake, if I decide to eat you I’ll give you fair warning,” Carmilla promised.

“What, like two seconds?” Just as she had the night before, Laura rested against her backpack and closed her eyes.

“Two seconds if you’re lucky,” Carmilla replied. “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

Laura cracked a smile and asked, “Should I be afraid of you?”

“Yes, you absolutely should be afraid of me. Terrified. And you were. Less we forget, you recently had a gun pointed my way.”

“I was scared. You ran up that tree and changed into a human. I didn’t know what to think,” Laura admitted. She scratched at a stain on her jeans while thinking of a response. “But I don’t think you want to hurt me.”

“I’m a vampire. Hurting humans is in the job description.”

Laura was watching her, bemused. “Then why haven’t you eaten me?”

“I haven’t ruled it out. I like to keep my options open.”

“Ow, dammit!” Carmilla cursed when another rock hit her in the head. “The next thing you throw at my head is going to be shoved down your throat.”

“That right there, that’s why I’m not afraid of you,” Laura said, yawning. A moment later, she leaned over and blew out the candle. “You’re all talk.”

“All talk, is that what you think?”

Laura smiled and asked, “How long were you going to masquerade as a panther?”

“Probably as long as you were willing to pretend that the government had genetically experimented on panthers and then released them into the wild,” Carmilla said sarcastically.

“You seemed really tame,” Laura said, sheepish and blushing. “What other explanation could there be for a tame panther? It’s not totally insane. I’ve never heard of a vampire panther before.” Her hands were animated, moving faster with each spoken word.

“I’m not tame,” Carmilla said in irritation. Tame?

“You seemed really tame. You literally gave me kisses after you accidentally bit me.”

Palming her forehead, Carmilla prayed for patience and inhaled deeply. It didn’t help. “I bit you on purpose because you insisted on trying to feed me bits of rodent. I then licked the blood off of your hand because I’m a vampire.”

Laura’s eyes widened and she raised the candle to examine the wounded hand in question. The punctures from Carmilla’s sharp teeth had scabbed over, but the bite had definitely cut into her skin. “So, let me make sure I understand this. You bit me because I annoyed you, and then you licked the blood off my hand because you were trying to clean up your mess?”

“What?” Carmilla hissed. “No, I smelled blood and couldn’t help myself.”

Nodding, Laura considered this. “And you stopped. Because you’re tame. Hey, my mom told me that cats domesticated themselves to get close to humans. Think that’s true in this case,” she said, her laughter filling the room.

She sounded young, so alive. Carmilla closed her eyes and tried not be taken in by it. “Are you deliberately trying to piss me off?”

“Is it working?”

Carmilla growled, but mostly for Laura’s benefit.

“And you haven’t done anything about it. Tame.”

“I’m waiting for the right moment.” Adorable? Tame? She’d murdered two people last week. The humor of it all wasn’t lost on her though. They stared at one another, eyes locking and Carmilla’s tiny smile mirrored the one Laura wore. Captured, she couldn’t look away. She wondered again at the folly of this situation and could almost hear Mattie’s amused voice uttering some quip about Carmilla’s weakness for pretty girls.

“I’m not scared of you,” Laura said, speaking again when it became apparent that Carmilla wouldn’t. Her tone turned somber, the lightness it held only seconds ago had faded. “I know I should be because you’re a vampire, or to use your term, the bogeyman. But I am already scared of well…everything. I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve never been alone like this and then this really adorable panther showed up when I thought I was about to die. She saved my life, and I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I mean, yeah, I was kind of thinking about keeping her as a pet.” She laughed, humorless this time. “Carmilla, I think that if I took a single moment to be afraid of you, then I might crack under the strain of everything else going on. My mom is missing, my friends too, and I don’t even want to imagine what is happening to them right now. So, if you’re going to do something awful to me, then how can I stop it?”

Carmilla didn’t respond for a long while. She wasn’t sure how to feel about this side of Laura. Tired. Scared. Ambivalent. Sighing, she said, “I won’t hurt you.” When no reply came, Carmilla realized Laura had drifted off.

Her eyes, and thoughts, were glued to the little fool. So trusting. Carmilla guessed Laura to be about twenty. Old enough to have known pain and loss. Old enough to have lost the blind optimism of youth. Old enough to know better. Old enough to have tasted cruelty and dished it out in equal measure. As the hours passed, Laura rolled away from her pack to lay curled in on herself. One arm under her head, but otherwise she slept in a fetal position. A picture of innocence but for the two daggers gripped in her hands. Ready even now for an unknown threat.

Outside, minus the rustling of a few animals, the night was peaceful. Carmilla almost wished for something to disturb them. An Infected or some human who might mistake them for prey. Anything to deflect her traitorous thoughts.

Laura wasn’t like other humans. Five minutes alone with her taught Carmilla that much. She finally understood what it was, the difference between Laura and every other human she’d met since the world went to shit. Laura had hope. Even as she despaired about lost friends and family, she did so with bright eyes and glaring determination. She expected to succeed.

Not even Carmilla’s harshly spoken words had dissuaded her for long. In the morning Laura would gather her meager belongings and stroll into the shithole that was Point Nemo. Carmilla knew she couldn’t help, not in this, and was bothered by it. Her vampire form couldn’t walk in daylight, and she'd be shot on sight as a panther.

Carmilla stared at her arm. The spot that had been pierced through when she’d saved Laura. Only a faint mark stood as a reminder of that mishap. In a few hours, any trace of the wound would fade away. And when the sun rose, Laura would wake up and march into that den of refuse, and therein be surrounded by worst representatives humankind had to offer. She would do this willingly—put herself in harm’s way—because she cared about another person and was willing to die trying to save them.

She scratched at the healing cut on her arm until the skin broke and it bled again. A thin line of dark fluid that trickled down her wrist and dripped to the floor. Black blood for a dead heart. Mattie would mock her if she were still alive. Laughter and accusations that even the end of the world couldn’t stop Carmilla from finding another girl to chase after. And Laura was attractive. Cute. Button nose, eyes that crinkled when she smiled. Her dark hair would probably be a few shades lighter if she weren’t covered in dirt. Understandable. Running water was a thing of the past. But she was the kind of girl who in another life would be worth chasing after.

Shit. Carmilla pinched the bridge of her nose with two fingers and groaned. What was she doing? After two days she’d gone from planning to feed from Laura to reminiscing about her looks. This was a doomed road filled with pitfalls, and one she’d traveled a few too many times. She stood up, silent so as to not disturb Laura, and moved through the doorway. They would likely part ways in the morning, and Carmilla was self-aware enough to know that this possibility troubled her.

With one more glance at Laura, she moved outside and sat on the ground. She didn’t care for tight spaces. The night was cool, signaling the early changing of seasons, meaning the frigid bite of winter would soon follow. This place smelled like death, and even though wildlife still skittered about, it felt dead. Carmilla was at peace surrounded by the lifeless rot this world served up. She belonged here, amongst the rot, the horrors of death.

Laura didn’t.

Carmilla slipped the journal out of her jacket and flipped through the pages. The entries she’d read earlier that night were nonsensical ramblings about subjects that meant little to a vampire who’d live for centuries. Childhood friends, the evils of vegetables, and reasons why boys were gross. Each, a small glimpse into Laura’s life. Carmilla picked an earlier page at random and noted that the letters were awkward, hesitant and that a few words were misspelled. A child’s handwriting. At the top of the page, a few doodles were sketched out. A cat or maybe a horse playing with something that could’ve been a car or a meteor? Clearly, Laura wasn’t much of an artist.

_Mom keeps asking if I_ _’ve written in my diary and so here I am. She and Dad say I’ll be glad having something to help me remember. I doubt it. I like the school in this new town. There are some other kids. They are older than me. But were mostly really nice. Mom thinks we can stick around longer this time. They won’t say so, but I think we got kicked out of our last home because of me. I heard the people say they didn’t want extra mouths. I think it’s because I sometimes talk too much. Since there are kids here maybe it won’t matter that I’m young? Just in case I’m going to learn how to help so we won’t have to leave again._

Carmilla frowned as she read this. Reading between the lines it was easy to understand what young Laura hadn’t. The apocalypse happened and the weak became a liability, an inconvenience. Children and the elderly were the inevitable victims in a world where abundance had been replaced by scarcity. This was especially true by the third year. Food had become especially scarce. If one were willing to brave millions of Infected, then perhaps they could find canned goods at various stores in the cities, but only the idiots attempted that. She skipped ahead forty or so pages. The passage of time was apparent as Laura’s script had improved, as had her vocabulary.

_I miss Dad. I miss the way he used to hold me and say that everything would be alright. I believed him then. Monsters were all around us and I thought we_ _’d be fine because my Dad said it was so. Now I’m scared. All the time. It’s only been a few months, but I’m starting to forget things. I asked Mom if she had any pictures, but she just looked sad and hugged me. So I thought I’d write down the things I do remember so I won’t forget. 1) Dad was going bald. He always told me he donated it to science, which made Mom laugh 2) He stuttered a bit whenever he got excited. And he always got excited when I did ANYTHING he thought was dangerous. Running from Infected. Breathing. Eating. 3) He said a lot of corny puns that made Mom roll her eyes. She always laughed though. He always told the secret to a good marriage is to make your girl laugh. 4) He hated vegetables as much as I do, but still ate them…_

Closing the journal and tucking it away, Carmilla thought about what she’d read. Laura’s father was dead. He sounded overprotective and odd, but he’d loved his daughter. She had firsthand experience in knowing that not all parents cared for their daughters. Skipping a few pages forward or back made no real mention of what happened to him, but an active imagination wasn’t required to make an educated guess.

Something rustled in the nearby brush and Carmilla stilled, suddenly alert and prepared to defend herself. It was only a rabbit, which made her smile thinking about Laura’s indignation when she’d ripped the gifted rabbit out of her hands. It also gave her an idea. Darting out of her seated position, Carmilla charged the rabbit. The startled animal tried to flee, but she effortlessly snatched it up and snapped its neck.

Hours later, as dawn approached, she’d managed to collect four more of the scrawny rodents. A pitiful haul, but wildlife was sparse in this area; larger game having likely been over hunted. She couldn’t go into Point Nemo, but maybe she could provide Laura with some currency. Or she could convince her not to go at all.

Inside, Laura continued to sleep soundly, providing proof that she needed to either sleep in a tree or work out a nighttime alarm system. Carmilla tossed the dead rabbits on Laura’s head and started chuckling at the immediate flailing panic this caused. She stopped laughing when one of Laura’s daggers flew by and missed her pointed hand by inches.

“Huh, okay. So you’re not a morning person.”

Laura sat up and with bleary eyes, examined the tiny corpses. “Is this like when one of the cats at our compound would bring us dead birds?”

“No, smartass,” Carmilla said, “they are a bargaining chip. You can use them to get the information you need about your mom. I would’ve gotten a deer or something, but you were sleeping and I didn’t want to leave the area.”

“I…thank you,” Laura said simply. “Thank you.”

Carmilla squatted in front of her. “The sun is rising soon, but Laura, listen. This is a bad idea. A horrible, awful idea. I don’t know the people in that town, but I know their type. These aren’t men who have built communities and are trying to survive. These are thugs at best, killers at worst. If you go in there, you probably won’t come back out.”

“I heard you last night, and I still don’t have a choice. I’m not going to give up on my mom.”

Vampire. Murderer. Monster. Demon. Carmilla had proudly worn all of these labels at some point in her past. Now she was about to add huge fucking sap to the mix. “No, I’m not suggesting you give up. However, think you can trust me?”

The little idiot didn’t even wait two seconds before nodding.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla sees a new side of Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to all of you who have reviewed/sent kudos. Glad you are enjoying this story!

Carmilla crouched in the thick brush as she stalked her prey. Two young men, who, despite their vigilance, seemed blissfully unaware of her presence. Each held a rifle cradled in their hands while taking slow, careful steps. She’d been right about the hunters of Point Nemo leaving their compound at first light. Humans rarely risked venturing out in the pre-dawn hours, even for food.

She’d convinced Laura that presenting herself at the front gates of Point Nemo would’ve been pure folly. Carmilla was sure that as soon as Laura offered herself up on a silver platter, the degenerates would surround her and that would spell the end of her little quest. Laura didn’t disagree with this logic; she’d just been willing to risk it. Self-sacrificing little idiot. Clearly Laura needed saving from herself.

Their new plan involved capturing one of Point Nemo’s hunters and interrogating him or her. Most of the land surrounding the community had been razed and filled with rotted corpses. The only way these people would have to get food on a regular basis was to hunt for it, and that would require leaving the safety of their territory. They were intelligent enough to pair up for these excursions, but that wouldn’t matter. In this case, two young men—one who was more boy than man—traveled away from the other groups.

As fortune would have it, they started heading in Laura’s direction. Carmilla had stashed her irritating obstinate companion a few miles outside the town and promised to return with one of these meatsacks. Soon they’d be out of earshot distance of the other hunting parties. That’s when she intended to strike. The key here would be to take both of them out without allowing either to get off a shot off.

She came at them from the side, a blur of motion. Carmilla pounced on and killed the older of the two outright, her teeth ripping through the tender flesh of his neck. It was a better end than most people got. She used her back paws to propel herself off her dying victim in the direction of the younger one. He lifted his gun, an alarmed shout on his lips when she crashed into him. They collided with the hard ground, the impact knocking the breath from his body. He didn’t stop fighting though and drilled the butt of his rifle into her shoulder. Thankfully, their angle didn’t allow for him to shoot at her. She bit his hand, the one fingering the trigger, and tore through bone and the soft tissue of his palm.

A scream escaped him then, but she cut him off with a quick swat of her paw to his head. He stared at her, dazed, before going limp and passing out. Excellent. She didn’t think his quick shout would attract any unwanted attention so she took a moment to mull over her options. The first order of business called for hiding the corpse of his buddy. She considered trying to consume some of the man’s blood but knew that her current form would make that difficult. So instead, she pulled him behind some bushes before dragging the unconscious boy by his collar to where Laura waited for them. At some point during the scuffled he’d pissed himself which just disgusting.

Ten minutes later, Carmilla was thinking about the many complaints she had concerning the many inconveniences of this mission when she spotted Laura peeking out from behind a tree. She growled her annoyance.

Laura rushed forward and examined Carmilla for injuries before turning her attention to their captive. Grimacing at the damage to his hand, she said, “He won’t be using that for a while. Or ever. Okay, follow me. I found us a place to do this.”

Huffing, Carmilla did as asked, although, she wasn’t exactly happy about doing the heavy lifting. She wondered if Laura was up to this. In her current form, Carmilla couldn’t interrogate him, which would leave Laura to handle the intimidating. She only hoped that the kid gloves would be taken off. Young or not, the inhabitants of Point Nemo were murderers who preyed on the weak. By rule, the same definition applied to her, but Carmilla didn’t pretend to be anything other than what she was.

When they reached the area Laura had referred to—a small clearing behind some rocks—Carmilla roughly deposited her load on the ground. She kicked him with her back paw for good measure. Asshole. Laura glared at her but didn’t say anything. She set about binding his wrists together with some rope from her pack, then his feet. It was apparent she wanted to give his wounded hand attention but instead started going through the small bag he carried. Inside there were a few bullets that likely were the same caliber as his discarded rifle, some jerky, and a bottle of water that Laura sniffed and quickly emptied into her canteen. In his pockets, she found a small folded knife which she confiscated.

“He looks like a kid,” Laura said, sighing. “My age, maybe a year or two younger.”

Old enough to have killed. Old enough to have caused suffering. Old enough to be a monster.

Carmilla was surprised when Laura slapped his face. Once, twice, and again until he groggily shook his head and tried to regain his bearings.

“Uh—where am I?” He asked, shaky and probably sporting a nice concussion.

“I need you to pay attention what I’m saying,” Laura said, straddling his legs above the knee and pressing one hand against his sternum. When she spoke again her voice was deadly calm. “It’s very important that you tell me what I want to know.”

He finally noticed his bound hands and began struggling with them which only resulted in him chaffing his wrists. “Bitch, I’ll kill you,” he spat, kicking his legs and trying to buck her off.

Laura slapped him again, and said, “There’s only one way this is going to go well for you. I want information. If you don’t tell me what I want to know, then I’ll let my friend finish the conversation for me.” She motioned to Carmilla with one hand who with perfect timing, growled.

It was almost comical the way the boy’s eyes went from hate-filled as they regarded Laura to panicked and terrified once they spied Carmilla. There was nowhere for him to go, but he still tried to back away. “Oh fuck, it’s the demon cat who attacked us. Stay away from me.”

Carmilla didn’t mind the insult if it indeed it was one. She’d been called far worse. And if it helped move this little show along, she’d be happy to play bad cop to Laura’s not-so-good-cop. Yawning as wide as she could to bare all of her teeth, Carmilla stretched her paws out and dug her claws into the earth a few inches from his leg. He shuddered and released his bladder again. Disgusting. There was only so far she’d go to play the part.

“Demon, huh?” Laura glanced at Carmilla as if assessing the boy's opinion. “I don’t know about that, but I bet she’d love it if I turned her loose on you. So, how about, we prevent that by you telling me where some of my friends were taken? They would have come through some time in the last few weeks. Not long. Two women and several guys. One of the women would’ve had blond hair, kind of long. Looks a little like an older version of me.”

Recognition sparked in the boy’s eyes, and he trained his gaze back to Laura. “Yeah, I remember her. She a slut like you? We would’ve had a good time wi—gah!” he yelped, and in an instant, his expression morphed from defiance to one filled with agony.

Laura’s dagger was buried in his outer thigh, away from any major arteries. Painful, but he wouldn’t die. Well, wouldn’t die as long as he avoided any nasty infections. She’d struck without preamble, without hesitation, and in one move proved precisely how serious she was. Her hand covered his mouth, clamping his jaw shut in a bruising grip and preventing him from making too much noise. “Okay, I understand that you might be upset. As bad days go, this is probably up there. I get it because I’m upset too, and to tell you the truth; I’m having a pretty crappy month. But here’s the thing, you can insult me all you want, but I won’t let you say anything about her. I can and I will hurt you.”  
The boy’s eyes watered, but Laura either didn’t notice them or didn’t care. Carmilla watched all of this, fascinated. The ice water running through Laura’s veins right now was impressive and well…unexpected. Carmilla never once thought Laura weak, but clearly, she’d underestimated her. Their captive had as well.

“You’ve pretty much admitted that you’ve seen her and my other friends. So instead of me continuing to make threats, you need to spill the beans.” She released her hand from over his mouth, and her nose wrinkled once she noticed the slobber that covered her palm. “Gross.”

“I’m not going to tell you shit. You’re gonna have to kill me.”

Lighting fast, Laura pulled her other dagger out of the sheath tied to her thigh and pointed it and held it to his neck. A trickle of blood welled at the point of it. “I know right now that you think the panther is the dangerous one, but that would be a mistake. See, she’s helping me out, but really, she doesn’t have a stake in this. So, let me be clear.” Laura paused for effect, and said, “I’m the dangerous one to you right now, but more importantly, I’m the one holding your life in her hands. Nod your head if you understand.”

He complied but looked in Carmilla’s direction. Probably hoping that she’d take over the interrogation. Fat chance piss boy.

“Don’t look her, look at me. What’s your name?” Laura asked, gentle now. As if she hadn’t just stabbed the kid in the leg. As if she hadn’t threatened to take his life. As if she didn’t still have a knife pressed against his neck.

“Cody. My name’s Cody.” He whimpered. His voice sounded pitiful and lacked its previous bluster. He was nothing but a bully, strong only when preying on something he viewed as small and powerless.

Laura shifted her grip but continued holding the knife against his neck. “Cody, alright. So tell me about my friends. Who brought them in and where did they go?”

He took his time answering, but eventually said, “Some slavers we’ve bought from before offered them for purchase. We didn’t buy them though, too old. I saw the one you were talking about, though, the blond. She your mom or something?”

Nicking his neck, Laura said, “Remember what I said? Don’t talk about her. Now, what slavers? Where did they take them?”

Eying the dagger in Laura’s hand, Cody said, “Just some people we do business with. When we didn’t want them they left. Guess the vamps are the next stop. They don’t care about wrinkles; it’s the blood they’re after.” This last part was said with a cruel smile playing on his lips. “I bet they are a day or two from making the drop.”

In a smooth motion, Laura stood up and brushed her knees off. Sheathed the dagger she still held in her hand. “Where are the vampires located?”

Cody laughed then, pained, but also snide and mocking. “Are you insane? They’ll fucking kill you.”

Laura crouched in front of him and wrapped her fingers around the knife still buried in his leg. She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t need to. Her hardened expression said it all; she’d do anything necessary to save her people, including hurting him worse than she already had.

Unable to meet her gaze for long, Cody looked away. “The city. About eighty miles northeast. It’s the safest place for the vamps to be. Infected infestation keeps us from hunting them fuckers down.”

Glancing at Carmilla, Laura frowned. “Any chance you know where this is? I have a map in my pack, but haven’t been this far out before.”

Carmilla had a vague idea of where they were going but knew getting there would be the easy part. All they would need to do was follow the highway. Not being mauled by the thousands of Infected still inhabiting the metropolis would prove more difficult. Or maybe there weren’t thousands anymore; she hadn’t braved any major city in more than a decade. Nobody went into a city unless they had a death wish. If vampires were stationed there, then they’d found a way to bypass the hoard. Which brought to mind a more significant concern. Vampires.

“My people will hunt you down and kill you for what you and that demon at your side have done today. But if they don’t get you then I’ll be happy knowing that the Infected will eat you alive. And that woman you’re after?” Cody spat, angry and confident again. “I bet a vampire’s already at her throat. Chomp chomp bitch.”

Carmilla watched the tightening of Laura’s jaw and the way she flexed her fingers around the knife in her hand. This boy was about to die. She knew it and could see from his closed eyes and rapid breathing that he did too. Which was fine, one less cockroach on the planet. But after a few seconds, Laura relaxed and used her knife to cut a few long swatches of cloth from the boy’s shirt.

“I’m going to pull the knife out of your leg and bind it up okay? This is probably going to hurt. Like a bunch.” She didn’t give him any time to prepare before sliding the dagger free, wiping it clean on his shirt, and returning it to its sheath. Afterward, Laura quickly bound his wound, tying the cloth tight around his injury. She removed the rope tying his legs together but left his wrists bound. “You should be able to get back home.”

This was stupid, but more importantly, it was risky. Carmilla’s first rule of the apocalypse was not leaving her enemies alive; survival demanded as much. Laura should have cut his throat, or at the very least left him here to die. Deciding that the girl wasn’t able to do it, Carmilla growled and stepped forward intending to see the deed done, but paused when Laura’s fingers brushed through the fur at the nape of her neck.

“Come on,” Laura said, voice strained, “we’re done here. Let’s go.”

Carmilla stared at her, disbelieving and incredulous. Mercy had no place in this world.

“Demon,” Cody hissed, shrinking away from Carmilla, cradling his injured hand. He was as repulsed by her as she was with him.

Carmilla lingered, undecided. He cringed, expecting her to kill him, and she tried not to think about the fact that upsetting Laura was influencing her decision. Finally, she hit him with her paw, knocking him out again. It felt like a nice in-between option.

When she turned back around, Laura was dashing away from them. Hers was a reckless sprint, noisy and the kind of thing people did when they were looking to get killed. Carmilla quickly caught up with her, but Laura didn’t slow or even recognize her presence. Faster and faster she ran. Uncaring whether or not the terrain was safe to cross. She tore through thick brambles, oblivious to the thorns that caught on her clothing and shredded her arms and legs. Laura swung and chopped at the vines with her daggers and after a few minutes pulled free.

After about an hour, they reached a paved road and Laura stopped running. She took a few steps until she stood with a foot on either side of the median line and dropped her pack. Without warning, she collapsed, knees cracking hard on the pavement. Her adrenaline-fueled escape left her gasping, her lungs laboring for breaths. It was the tears and choked sobs that caught Carmilla off guard. She stood to the side, watching her, wary and uncertain. When the tears didn’t stop, she moved closer and nudged Laura’s shoulder with her nose.

She wasn’t prepared for the desperation in Laura’s red-rimmed eyes or the way her lip quivered. Or how she seemed on the verge of breaking. Nor was Carmilla ready for the arms thrown around her neck or the desperate hold as if Carmilla was Laura’s anchor.

“I’m so sorry,” Laura said. Tears falling, her fingers dug into Carmilla’s fur, clutching at her, burrowing close and chanting her lamentation into Carmilla’s neck. “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.”

Carmilla wasn’t sure what Laura was apologizing for, but she suspected it had something to do with that little torture routine they’d pulled on the kid. At the moment, though, Carmilla was suffering a crisis of her own. She liked the way Laura’s hands felt on her, and the way Laura clung to her, seemed to need her. It awakened something in Carmilla that she believed was long dead. More distressing was that she didn’t move for fear that this contact would end.

When Laura’s tears faded, she wiped at her eyes and looked away with her cheeks flushing in embarrassment. Rather than stand up and continue, she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the sky. Clouds obscured the sun, but the stormy weather of the past few days had passed. “I can’t believe you’re sticking around for this. He wasn’t wrong, you know. You weren’t either. I’m going to go into that town, and I’m going to die,” Laura said, her voice cracking on the last word. “How do I fight crazy men who literally purchase people, the Infected, and vampires?” She gazed at Carmilla. “And I know that I should be trying to convince you to leave because you don’t deserve what’s coming. But is it wrong that I hope you’ll stay? It’s just…when you’re here, I don’t feel so alone.”

Later, Carmilla would recognize this as her point of no return. The exact moment when she gave herself to another person. But now, all she knew was that she wanted to reach out and offer comfort. There was something in Laura that Carmilla thought she recognized. Somehow she’d grown attached to Laura in an incredibly short time. This was…distressing. She’d spent the last fifteen years hating humans—all of them—but for some reason, Laura was different. Carmilla wanted her, wanted to claim her. She’d felt it before, once, long ago and recognized it as the dark need that came inherently to all vampires.

Usually, with most vampires, this possessive desire manifested itself in horrific ways. It drove them to act as predators, stalking and preying on the fears of those unlucky enough to capture their attention. Early in her undeath, Carmilla had been guilty of this behavior. Mother had encouraged it, and Mattie laughed it off as part of being on top of the food chain.

Carmilla didn’t want to hurt Laura, the opposite actually. She wanted to protect her and keep her close. Which meant addressing Laura’s anguish. It meant seeing this foolhardy task to completion. Finding Laura’s mom. Mostly it meant keeping them both alive, and that meant they needed to start moving. She did the first thing she could think of and gripped the strap of Laura’s heavy pack with her mouth. Then proceeded to drop it on Laura's stomach. This resulted in a satisfying “oomph.”

Suddenly distracted from her misery, Laura cracked a smile. It was small and tired, but it was there. “Is this your way of saying you want to stay?” She sounded hopeful. Hesitantly, Laura sat up and reached and ran her fingertips through the fine hairs beneath Carmilla’s chin. For just a second, Carmilla leaned into that touch. And then she stepped back until a few feet separated them. It was time to get moving.

Laura must’ve agreed because she sighed and sat up. She pulled the aforementioned map out of the pack and unfolded it on the ground. “Okay, I think we are somewhere around here which leaves us two choices of direction. I’m going to assume that Cody told us the truth so that would mean we are heading…here.” She pointed to a place on the map that would take them near the coast. The original name of the city had been crossed out and in its place were large black letters that simply read VAMPIRES. “Huh. I guess that’s a sign. I borrowed this map from one of the supply sheds before I took off. It must be common knowledge about the infestation of vampires there. Now all we need is a plan to fight them. And the Infected.” Laura smiled at Carmilla and shouldered her pack. “I love making plans.”

She sounded chipper. Carmilla, meanwhile, estimated their remaining lifespan at five or six days. Fucking fantastic.

They made great progress after that, each mile that passed leading them away from one threat and towards another. Even though her mood had drastically improved, Laura still seemed somber and withdrawn. She continued to linger at Carmilla’s side without offering up any of her usual chatter. Carmilla missed it.

She nudged Laura with her shoulder which resulted in the girl stumbling and almost falling over. “Did you just do that on purpose?” Laura asked once she regained her balance.

Being a panther had its advantages. Namely not having to answer questions. Instead, she chuffed and continued walking. Carmilla waited until Laura walked alongside her then did it again, this time, causing her to fall onto some nearby grass.

“Oh my god. You’re a butthole,” Laura said, exasperated. But she was also smiling. “Also, do you realize the tip of your tongue is sticking out of your mouth?”

After that, the one-sided conversation flowed freely, and Carmilla listened absently. Mostly, she liked the sound of Laura’s voice. She was looking forward to the sun setting. Maybe she could find Laura something to eat. Something that wasn’t a rabbit. They could talk, get to know one another. A distant part of her brain reminded her that they weren’t friends—hardly knew one another—but Carmilla didn’t care. She was a vampire and her possessive instincts wanted to know everything about Laura.

They’d only known each other for a few days. Less than that if she considered that the reveal of her vampire self had only happened last night. Logic demanded she acknowledge this, but logic couldn’t smell Laura’s blood. Logic hadn’t read Laura’s journal and learned her innermost thoughts. Nor had logic witnessed Laura’s tears and experienced the way they made Carmilla ache.

“So, Carmilla. Carm. Hey, can I call you Carm?” Laura laughed and danced away from the paw that swiped in her direction. “How about we keep moving tonight? The moon is bright, and there are stars. A million of them. And hey, we’re on a road, so unless a certain vampire decides to keep flinging me to the ground, there shouldn’t be too many obstacles.” She drew in a nervous breath, then said, “I guess I was thinking that it would be nice to talk to you some. If we change our traveling hours to the evening, we can get to know one another. What do you think?”

If she could’ve laughed, Carmilla would’ve done so. Logic once again invaded and brought up the fact that the chance of Laura liking what she saw once she got to know Carmilla was minimal. After all, humans and vampires had rarely ever mixed. Blood and mortality were only two of the many messy factors that would forever keep humans and vampires apart.

And…none of that mattered. Logic could go fuck itself.

Carmilla figured that if she was going to do something stupid like sacrifice herself to a city of Infected, then she might as well get to know the girl she was doing it for. She kind of hoped that somewhere, Mattie was laughing. The sun was beginning its slow descent along the horizon, and she would be able to change.

The first bullet hit her flank, the second, her ribs.

“Car—agh!” Laura screamed and dropped to the ground, her pained shouts immediately quieting.

Carmilla smelled her blood but didn’t glance down. There wasn’t time. Roaring, she leaped forward into the chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't a great place in this chapter to slide in one of Laura's journal entries. I'll fit a few of them in next time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are vampires, and then there are vampires. The men who attacked Carmilla and Laura are about to learn that they've unleashed a different kind of monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turkey day delayed this chapter, but I'm back. Mostly. Posting might be erratic during the holidays since I promised someone I'd edit their novella and I volunteered myself for the Carmilla Secret Santa thing. Also, not that it matters, but I changed the synopsis. I hate writing those things...

Laura was down, unmoving and silent, but alive. Carmilla could barely make out a faint heartbeat, although she tried not to concentrate on what that might mean. There wasn’t time to worry about if Laura was still breathing. 

Another bullet pierced her shoulder, followed by two others that missed by inches. She hardly felt the sting. Along the tree line she could make out eight shadowy figures, each holding a rifle. The gunmen continued to shoot in their direction, so she angled her significantly larger body in front of Laura’s so that she might draw their fire. 

Carmilla let the all the fury and the rage she felt for humanity take hold of her. There was a certain kind of pleasure in giving herself over to these emotions and letting them fuel her actions. Even if these fools suspected her true nature, she doubted they had any idea of what they were dealing with. 

In a blur, she sprinted towards the men—who were able to get a few more panicked shots off, most of which went wide. Carmilla dug her claws into the hard earth and leapt at the man closest to her. Together, they toppled to the ground. Her powerful jaws tore his throat out and she consumed a few hasty gulps of blood before dashing towards her next target. The blood began to mend her wounds, bullets pushing out the way they came and falling away as her flesh knitted itself back together. Unfortunately, the raiding party seemed insistent upon replacing them. 

Carmilla killed a second man even as a bullet tore into her side. She needed his blood, but couldn’t allow the shooters to maintain a line of sight. Much to her frustration, they lined up and worked together to keep her in front of them. She dodged most of their shots, but enough found their mark. Carmilla didn’t know what the limits of her endurance were, nor was she keen on finding out. So she tried to keep her distance, but every time she did so, one of the hunters made a move in Laura’s direction—likely intending to finish the job. 

This forced her to act recklessly. She surprised the attackers by leaping high overhead and landing with a satisfying crunch on one of them. His screams were cut off when she used his head as a leaping platform. Three down, five to go. 

“It's slowing down!” someone shouted. “Keep hitting it.”

He was right. Carmilla wasn’t sure how many shots she’d taken and knew it was only a matter of time before they finished her off. In spite of their supernatural reputation, vampires weren’t invincible; not even the creations of Lilita Morgan could withstand an endless assault. Two more bullets tore through her front paw causing Carmilla to misstep her landing and crash to the ground. It was then that she noticed the last splintered rays of sun disappearing over the horizon. There was still enough light for the men to see, but it wouldn’t matter now. Even wounded and bloodied, she was many times more powerful at night than during the day. As a panther, she was provided with protection from the sun but was left weaker and more vulnerable in its light.

As the cool blanket of night washed over her, Carmilla relaxed and concentrated on changing. Excruciating agony lanced through her body and she had to fight through the instinct to stop. This transformation from panther to vampire meant that each bullet embedded in her flesh shifted position as her muscles and bones reformed. The pain was blinding, molten fire that pushed her to the brink of insanity. Black blood leaked like molasses from her many wounds. The damage done to her was extensive, but she smiled—wicked and cruel—knowing that even in this battered state, their fate was sealed. 

In their surprise, the men briefly stopped shooting. The reprieve didn’t last long, but by the time they resumed their onslaught, Carmilla had disappeared. Being born from one of the most powerful vampires on the planet had its advantages. There were vampires, and then there were vampires of a different breed. She doubted that these men had ever seen or heard of one such as she. They thought they knew what terror looked like, they didn't, but she would show them. 

Carmilla turned to smoke, misted, and rematerialized behind a man standing at the edge of the clearing. Her fangs tore his carotid open, and she guzzled his lifeblood in messy heaping swallows. His screams sounded like poetry to her feral mind. Bullets slid out of her body by the dozens until she blissfully could no longer feel their sting. She’d need to feed more to regain all of her strength, but for now, this would adequately facilitate a massacre. 

“Oh shit, it’s a vamp!”

In unison, they turned around and fired bullets at Carmilla who still had an iron grip on their now dead companion. She dropped his corpse and zipped close to two of the hunters. She effortlessly ripped the rifle out of one man’s hands and then winked at the other just before she shoved the barrel of it through his skull. A second later, the first dropped to the ground sporting a brand new broken neck. 

More bullets pierced her back. Carmilla turned and noticed a terrified older man fumbling to change his clip. He never got the chance to finish his task, her hand grabbed his throat and crushed it even as her nails broke through his flesh. He died seconds before she launched him towards another man who was in the process of firing his gun. Being hit with a fastball in the form of a two hundred pound corpse made short work of him.

That left one. Carmilla smirked at him while wiping her chin with one finger and licking the blood off of it. “Well, this seems inconvenient for you,” she said and sauntered in his direction. “All alone against the vampire.”

He frantically backed away from her, only to trip on a rock and stumble. “He was right! You’re a demon. A monster.”

“Demon? I suppose you and your cronies found young Cody. But no, not a demon. However, a monster? Oh yes, I’m the stuff nightmares are made of. Here, let me show you.” Carmilla bared her elongated fangs in a devilish grin. Blood and gore dripped from her body as she closed the distance between them. Caught in the thrall of her gaze, the man stopped resisting, and she found his fear intoxicating. “I promise this is going to hurt.”

Soon, sated and covered in the blood of her victims, Carmilla returned to Laura’s side. Guilt flooded her as she realized that during the scuffle, she’d embraced the animal and had forgotten about Laura. Carmilla could hear her heart beating, erratic but there. She’d been hit twice, once in her upper thigh and another above her right breast. Blood was also caked around her head, enough that it worried Carmilla almost as much as the gunshot wounds. 

“Laura? Hey, can you hear me? Laura?” Carmilla asked, cradling her face gently. “Please, wake up.” No response. She didn’t know what to do. Someone could write volumes about what she didn’t know concerning first aid for humans. She tore her soiled shirt off and tore it into strips the same way she’d seen Laura do earlier when binding Cody’s wounds. Currently, her fondest wish involved spending long hours making him regret the mercy he’d received. Binding Laura’s leg was easier than her chest, but she made do. 

In the distance, Carmilla could hear shuffling feet and guessed that the Infected weren’t far off. She had two choices. Go back the way they came or head into the unknown. Carmilla hefted Laura’s pack then cradled the girl in her arms and raced away from them, towards the city where Laura’s mother was potentially being held captive. 

An hour passed before she saw any signs of civilization. Former civilization. An old two-story roadside inn looked to have been gutted, but Carmilla ran up the steps and scanned over her options. The doors had been removed from each doorway, so she entered the first room that didn’t reek of some foulness. Inside, the bathtub seemed to be the best bet for a place to set Laura down. Even that looked disgusting.

Frowning, Carmilla noticed that Laura was pale, almost sheet-white and her skin felt clammy to the touch. These weren’t good signs, but outside of the obvious problem of blood loss, she didn’t know what it meant for Laura’s well-being.

“Carmilla?” 

“Yeah, I’m here,” Carmilla said, awash with relief at hearing Laura’s voice.

When Laura spoke, she sounded confused and strained. “Blood…you’re hurt.” She trailed off then tried to raise her hand to touch Carmilla’s shoulder. “I think…maybe me too. Hurts.” 

Carmilla released a shaky laugh, disbelieving that Laura, despite being the injured one, was showing concern for her. “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. Vampire remember? We need to think about you right now. You’ve been shot. Tell me how to help you.” She reached out and brushed some of Laura’s hair off her forehead which was caked with blood. There was a nasty laceration, and Carmilla assumed she must have hit her head on something. 

“Have to…remove bullets,” Laura said in a whisper so faint that only Carmilla’s enhanced hearing could pick the words out. There was the slight tinge of fear coloring her tone as if she knew what was coming. 

“Okay. Tell me how.”

“Knife…disinfect wounds…bag.”

Carmilla nodded and frantically dug through Laura’s possessions. Inside the pack, she found a small first aid kit, but unfortunately, other than a few bandages, there wasn’t much inside that could help in this situation. She did find a small bottle that held a liberal amount clear liquid and a quick sniff confirmed it to be some kind of crude alcohol. Moonshine perhaps? She eyed Laura’s daggers and after a few moment of indecision pulled one out of its sheath. “Sorry cupcake, but I don’t think your clothes are going to survive this experience.”

Removing Laura’s clothing was an exercise in patience as Carmilla tried not to cause her additional suffering. That part would come soon enough, and she was dreading it. Finally, after cutting through enough of Laura’s clothing to perform this blasphemous surgery, and sanitizing the knife, Carmilla held up the bottle of alcohol. “Any chance this is safe to drink? I think you might need it.”

Laura grimaced but nodded. She swallowed a decent portion of the foul liquid, but most of it dribbled down her chin. “I’m ready.”

Great, at least one of them was.

* * *

An hour had passed since the surgery and Laura was thankfully asleep. The silence in the room stood in stark contrast to the cries of agony that filled it not so long ago. Flashes of Laura suffering were looping on repeat in Carmilla’s mind. Each one, a spear driven into her blackened dead heart. 

Laura’s teeth clenching down on a stick as the knife cut through her flesh. Laura’s eyes blinded by pain and begging for an end to her torment. Laura’s tears streaming down her face as Carmilla’s thumb and forefinger pulled the first bullet out of her shoulder. The second provided less of a problem, if only for the fact that Laura had mercifully passed out.

She’d brutally murdered eight men a few hours ago; ripped them to shreds without a second thought. And, truly, her only regret was that there hadn’t been time to make them suffer more. They’d called her a demon, and if given a chance she’d gladly show all of humanity how very real that description was. Except for Laura. Carmilla accepted the fact she never wanted Laura to know the many awful truths about her. At some point during that dreadful procedure, she’d unconsciously decided to stop worrying about why Laura was precious to her. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was keeping her alive and safe. A task that might prove difficult if they continued down this chaotic path. 

Right now, if not for the slight hitch in her breathing and the occasional whimper, Laura might almost seem at peace. Carmilla expected to have a fight on her hands when she woke up, though. Laura simply wouldn’t be in any condition to travel, much less take on a hoard of Infected and vampires to reach her mother. A mother who got herself caught and was the sole reason for this hasty, ill-conceived rescue mission. Laura didn’t care that she might die in trying and Carmilla couldn’t accept that. She didn’t understand this kind of love that drove a person to be self-sacrificing. Especially not for mothers.

Her mother, the one she’d had before catching a nasty case of vampirism, hadn’t made a lasting impression. Carmilla couldn’t recall her features or anything about the woman other than her purpose which had been to produce as many sons as possible. Then there was Mother, a supremely powerful vampire who raised Carmilla and controlled her every action for centuries. She was apathetic towards the first and doubted she’d ever feel anything other than raw hatred for the second. So, no, she didn’t understand Laura’s insane desire to rush headlong into a no-win situation in the absurd hope of finding her mother. 

At some point, she’d need to go out and find supplies. Water and food were immediate priorities, but also perhaps some luxuries. Blankets, fresh clothes, medicine. But until she felt better about Laura’s overall condition, Carmilla didn’t want to leave her alone. She sighed and shrugged out of her jacket and laid it gently on Laura’s prone body. Before moving away, though, she slipped the diary out of the pocket it had been stashed in. 

On the one hand, Carmilla realized that at this point, keeping the book was a supreme violation, but on the other, she told herself that she hadn’t asked for that trust. It was a flimsy excuse, but holding onto the diary made her feel connected to Laura in some intangible way. Each entry felt like it filled up some empty part of her soul. At some point, maybe once they’d survived this mess, she’d give it back. For now, it would remain her window into Laura.

She leaned back against a dingy wall that would allow her to keep an eye on the doorway and thumbed through the pages of the diary, eventually settling on a place in the middle about fifty or so entries after Laura’s father died. A single sentence caught her eye.

_Mom was right. I wasn’t ready. I’d been so angry with her when she refused to let me join the hunting parties. I thought it was because she didn’t think I was strong enough to fight and protect our people. I thought she didn’t believe in me. Now all I know for sure is that I’ve disappointed her. I don’t even want to think about what Dad wou—_

Carmilla frowned at the page as if through the power of her disapproval make the missing words appear. She guessed that Laura must have been interrupted while writing. The next two entries were mundane, but the third provided some enlightenment towards Laura’s distress.

_I’ve been avoiding Mom, but today she found the building where I’ve been hiding. I think I didn’t want to see how she’d look at me. Not after what I’ve done. Not after I killed a man. It doesn’t matter that it was him or me or the awful things he was screaming before he died. I keep seeing his eyes…there, then gone. Or his blood soaking my clothing. I can still feel it on my hands. I stole something from a person, and I can’t stop thinking about it. Today Mom tracked me down, said I’d had enough space and that it was time for some mother-daughter time. Apparently, in the old world, this was a time-honored tradition._

__

__

_She dragged us up to the rooftop of the food storage building. It’s one of the few places on the compound that gives the illusion of normalcy. Up here there are trees and clouds. Sometimes we see butterflies. Up here the world isn’t quite so scary. We sat there in silence until I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke down and told her everything. And Mom, she wrapped her arms around me and held me until I stopped crying. I was so mad at her before, and now all I can think is how she loves me no matter what. Even when I don’t deserve it._

Carmilla wasn’t surprised that Laura had killed a man, or that she’d taken it hard. What bothered her was that Laura thought less of herself because of it. It was called survival, and the world didn’t have room for people who couldn’t handle the uglier side of it. Except…except she’d seen first hand that Laura was capable of delivering when she deemed it necessary. Unfortunately for them, she’d been unwilling to kill that boy or let Carmilla finish the job. And now she lay here wounded, with her mission on life support. 

Laura valued other people’s lives, nearly to the detriment of her own. It was a frustrating thought considering that, in Carmilla’s opinion, Laura’s life was worth so much more than all the others combined.

Deciding that she needed to do something, anything, she stood up and started scavenging around the room for something useful. Soon her search led her to other rooms, each of which had been ransacked. Nothing. She returned to Laura and watched in agitation as the girl hissed whenever her body inevitably moved and pulled at her wounds. Carmilla couldn’t just sit here watching this; she needed to do something. Supplies, they needed supplies. At the very least, food and water. 

She grabbed one of Laura’s knives before dragging the heaviest pieces of furniture she could find in front of the doorway. Hopefully, their temporary hideout would go unnoticed. Alone and not carrying Laura’s injured body, Carmilla made the return trip to the scene of the battle in record time. After she and Laura had escaped, the Infected enjoyed themselves quite a feast. There were still a few lingering around, so Carmilla made quick work of them by introducing a dagger to the back of their skulls. As full of blood as she was, this was nearly an effortless task. 

The ground was soon littered with twice as many corpses as before. She didn’t waste any time and quickly moved from body to body of the men who attacked them. Their packs were gathered up, and she intended to go through them once she returned to Laura. They all appeared to hold canteens, food, and other supplies. Most of the clothing was shredded—which she admittedly was responsible for. 

Carmilla added a rifle to the pile. She wasn’t sure if Laura knew how to use this kind of gun, but didn’t think it would hurt to bring it along. This would have to be enough. She couldn’t risk leaving Laura alone any longer. The barricade was undisturbed when she returned, but Carmilla could hear noise behind it. Making more noise than a logical person should have, she tore through the furniture and rushed to the bathroom where Laura now lay on the ground. Crying softly. 

Kneeling beside her, Carmilla reached out, unsure. “Laura? Hey, it’s me.”

Laura opened her red-rimmed eyes. “I thought you left.”

“No. No, I wouldn’t leave you. I won’t.”

“I thought…I’m too much trouble.”

“Yeah, you're definitely trouble. But I'm a centuries-old vampire; I'm sure I can handle it. Come on, let’s get you comfortable. More comfortable. I imagine the bullet wounds aren’t going to help with that. Do you want to go back in the tub?”

“No, it’s cold.”

“Right okay. I don’t think we can get a fire started in here and we can’t risk sleeping outside tonight. Hold on I think there is a bedroll attached to one of these packs I divested those assholes of.” Carmilla found two sleeping bags, both of which smelled disgusting. Beggars can’t be choosers. She laid both bedrolls on the ground and then as gingerly as possible, moved Laura to rest upon them. “Sit tight cupcake. I’m going to look through these packs and see what we can use.” 

Over the next half hour, Carmilla opened and combed through the six backpacks she’d salvaged. Each had a canteen of water, which was a plus. There was also a small gold mine of dried foods, ammunition, and a surprising amount of clothing that passed the smell test. These items would hang off of Laura like a tent, but in the meantime would serve as an adequate blanket. Otherwise, there were a few bottles of moonshine, a few books, matches, and other random effects. Most interestingly, she discovered a bottle of pills. There were a few different types inside. Perhaps some were painkillers? Maybe, but she wasn’t confident enough in that to have Laura swallow any.

“Carm?”

Carmilla glanced up from her task to see Laura staring at her. “Hey, you need something? Water?”

“No. Will you talk to me?”

The request was made in a small voice that lacked expectation. That alone made Carmilla give a stiff nod of acquiescence. “Sure. What do you want me to talk about?”

A tired pained smile pulled at Laura’s lips but didn’t quite reach home. “You.”

“Me?” She smiled, tilting her head. “Cupcake, did you go and get yourself shot up because you thought I’d feel sympathy for you and give in to you? Well, you picked the wrong vampire, monster remember?” 

“Not a monster,” Laura said in response. She winced and clenched her teeth as a jolt of pain struck. Several moments passed before she spoke again, and when she did, each word was preceded agony-filled gasps. “You…saved…me…not…a…monster.”

One could save the girl and still be a villain; they weren’t independent of one another. Ultimately, Laura’s was a simplistic view, but Carmilla didn’t correct her. Didn’t want to. Rather than address the misconception, Carmilla gave in and told her story. Although, she avoided the parts that tore at her heart.

Where else to start but at the beginning? She spoke wistfully of 1680 and a girl. A girl who was a Countess, wealthy, and reasonably important in spite of the disadvantages of her sex. A silly girl who smiled too easily and trusted foolishly. Because this world would’ve been completely foreign to Laura, Carmilla went into great detail about balls and dancing and overwhelming decadence. It was a life of privilege that had been stolen away on what should have been the grandest of nights. However, Carmilla didn't linger on her death and subsequent rebirth. Instead, she spoke of Paris, and Rome, and New York City.

All the while, Laura remained a captive audience, often with her eyes closed, but she seemed to find her voice soothing. Carmilla glossed over the gruesome aspects of her life as a vampire but spent a great deal of time detailing her travels. She smiled remember as she recounted her visit to Easter Island. But there was only so much time in one night to reveal centuries of life, so Carmilla chose a stopping point in the nineteenth century. No, it was best to steer clear of 1872.

“Who is Mattie?” Laura asked.

“What?”

“You said ‘Mattie and I’ a few times.”

“Ah. Mattie.” Carmilla hesitated, but said, “Mattie was my sister.” She hated that even now she couldn’t say her sister’s name without being cracked open.

Surprisingly, Laura seemed to notice her discomfort and said, "Okay. You don’t have to talk about it. There's things I don’t talk about too.” 

She hadn’t planned on speaking of it but appreciated the understanding. “I think it's time for you to get some rest, tell me what you need.”

“I’m cold, can't get warm,” Laura whispered.

With concern, Carmilla checked her bandages, and the crude stitches she’d made. Thankfully, they hadn’t bled. Much. “I’m afraid we don’t have anything else to use as a blanket.”

“Will you hold me? Please?” 

Carmilla closed her eyes. _Laura no, don't do this, don’t reach for me. I’ll destroy you._ But even as she thought this, she shifted into her panther self. Then, careful to avoid anything that might hurt, Carmilla curled her larger body around Laura’s. 

Cuddling closer, Laura tucked her head under Carmilla’s chin and said, “Thanks, Carm.”

God dammit.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is hers to save, or not...

_Mom says she’s worried that we are heading back to The Stone Age. Yesterday she ran off two of the compound’s council members when they tried to talk to me about my “duties.” She can be terrifying to anyone who ticks her off. She yelled at them that I was only sixteen and that she would shoot the next person who came to our door offering to introduce me to a boy. Mom wouldn’t talk about it, but I know that they were talking about making babies. They’ve been bringing it up a lot in school. Having babies, making a large family, repopulating the earth. Our teacher smiles while she says this, but it makes me uncomfortable. I haven’t told Mom because I know it would give her a CONNIPTION fit._

_Conniption is my word of the week. Mom laughs whenever I use them in a sentence. I’m glad she can laugh again. I’m especially glad that it’s ME who can make her happy. It gives me hope that maybe she doesn’t hate me._

“Carm? Thirsty.”

At the sound of Laura’s scratchy voice, Carmilla closed the journal and tucked it out of sight. She grabbed the bottle of water and raised it to Laura’s lips, taking care to only give her a few sips at a time. Three long days had passed since the attack. Yesterday, she’d moved them to a cellar that was in surprisingly good repair. Of course, good repair only meant that the place wasn’t caved in and hadn’t housed any dead bodies. Unfortunately, their current hideout was the only piece of good news in what was turning into an increasingly worrisome situation. 

“Are you hungry?” Carmilla asked once she set the water aside. Yesterday she’d found a patch of sweet potatoes and mashed them up with some water, but Laura had refused it after the first bite. She wasn’t sure if this was due to a lack of hunger or the fact that the food looked like lumpy orange paste. 

“No, just thirsty.” Laura drew in a few shuddering breaths and when she spoke again her teeth chattered. “We should get moving. Need to find Mom.”

“Why don’t you get a little more rest,” Carmilla suggested and tucked her jacket loosely around Laura’s upper body. “We can find your mom later.” This is what she’d said each time Laura brought it up. Initially, she’d expected Laura to fight her on this and try to crawl her way towards certain death. And when that hadn’t happened, Carmilla knew their situation was serious. She placed the back of her hand against Laura’s forehead to see if her fever was worse. Shit. Worse was an understatement; it felt like an inferno was blazing inside of her.

“Dad would have a heart attack if he saw us now,” Laura mumbled, her eyes drifting closed.

“Yeah?” Carmilla said, slightly distracted while inspecting the wound on Laura’s chest. The bullet hole and subsequent cut from the surgery were an angry, blistered red. And then there were the thin spiny tendrils that ran outward, away from the wound. She’d done her best to keep it clean, but now suspected they were dealing with an infection. Fuck.

“Dad was so cautious, even before this. He made me wear a life preserver in the paddling pool.” Laura released a shaky laugh. “Zombies only made it a billion times worse. He used to tell me that I was too much like her.”

“Your mom?”

“Yeah. Fearless. I wanted to be like her.”

Over the last few days, as the fever took hold of her, the topic of Laura’s mother had come up on multiple occasions, but this was the first time she'd mentioned her father. 

“I killed him.” 

Carmilla snapped her head up from where she was redressing Laura’s leg injury. “Cupcake?”

“I killed him,” Laura repeated, sobbing. She sounded delirious.

After a brief moment of indecision, where she held her hand hesitantly over Laura’s, Carmilla finally gave in and tried to comfort her. “Shhhh. Laura, you don’t need to tell me this.” She tried not to think about how much she liked this contact. Or how their hands fit so well together. Or how she felt when Laura gave her hand a light squeeze. 

“I wanted a dog. There were a few of them in the compound, and Dad kept saying no every time one had puppies, but then Mom and I wore him down. Best day ever,” she said, with evident self-loathing. “Then one night my puppy escaped the compound. Dad wouldn’t let me go after him.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t listen, did you?”

“I knew he wouldn’t survive the night if we didn’t save him. So I decided to be fearless.” Tears that were heavy with the weight of regret welled in her eyes. 

“And your dad went after you,” Carmilla finished, thinking that this story was further proof as to why dogs couldn’t be trusted.

“The puppy barked. He wouldn’t stop barking. Dad pushed me up into a tree. I lived. He didn’t. The end.”

What could she say to that? Carmilla hated platitudes. She lasted all of a half a second before stretching out beside Laura. Then another before her arm gingerly snaked across Laura’s waist. For warmth.

* * *

A day later, Carmilla woke up to find a blazing heat radiating off Laura. Not the normal human heat that vampires were so often drawn to. No, this was different, unnatural and spelled a clear turn for the worse. Beads of sweat rolled of Laura’s face, and her skin was pale, almost grey. 

Carmilla knelt over her squeezed Laura’s good shoulder. “Hey, Laura? Cupcake?”

No response. A quick examination of her wounds confirmed that the infection had worsened, and those sinister red lines had lengthened and multiplied. While the injury on her chest was the greater threat, she didn’t think the one on Laura’s leg was far behind. Carmilla didn’t have any vast medical knowledge, but she guessed they were dealing with sepsis. Their outlook was grim and it would only be a matter of time until the infection turned lethal. 

And thus, she was left with an impossible decision. Do the one thing she swore never to do again, or let Laura die? The first possibility tore at her gut, the second, her heart. Ultimately, though, it wasn’t really a choice at all. She squeezed Laura’s shoulder and shook her gently. “Hey creampuff, I need you to wake up for a minute. Come on.”

When Laura opened her eyes, bleary and unfocused, Carmilla sighed in relief, a respite that didn’t last long. 

“Carm…I…” She barely whispered the words before drifting off.

In a sudden panic, Carmilla said, “Laura no. No, no, no. Dammit, no, don’t go back to sleep. Please. You need to tell me what you want. Fuck.” She wasn’t going to make this choice. Not again. 

Pacing back and forth in the dimly lit cramped space, Carmilla gritted her teeth and flexed her hands as she resisted the urge to hit something. She wanted to leave, to do anything that would help her avoid this decision. But she’d promised Laura she wouldn’t leave her alone either. 

So, instead, she leaned against a grimy wall and considered her options. Let Laura die. Or save her and risk Laura sharing Elle’s fate. Risk Laura hating her. Distraught, Carmilla dropped her head in her hands and screamed in frustration. The last time she expected the world to be fair was as an eighteen-year-old who believed in happy endings. No, she didn’t expect the world to be fair, but this was utterly ridiculous. Sensing movement, she glanced up over her hands and saw Laura’s arm stretched out towards Carmilla. Her fingers curled as if beckoning and Carmilla was helpless but to heed her call.

Carmilla fell to her knees at Laura’s side and lifted her hand up and held it between her own. Laura’s breathing was labored, and her heart pounded as if she’d just finished a mile long sprint. 

With her eyes closed, Laura’s mouth moved, and a pin dropping would’ve made more sound than the faint whisper that escaped past her lips, but Carmilla’s enhanced hearing understood her all the same.

_Trust you._

Great, but Carmilla wasn’t sure she could trust herself. Not in this. Not when her traitorous heart wanted it. Less than a week had passed since they’d met and already there was some thread of connection. Vampire blood would enhance that, but wouldn’t necessarily lead to understanding on Laura’s part. She imagined the way the conversation would go, and none of it was good. Horror? Outrage? Or worse, a depression so profound that it would eat at her soul until only a shadow remained.

“Right. Well, let’s see about making you better. Try not to hold a grudge.” Methodically, so as not to cause Laura unnecessary pain, she removed the stitches and wrinkled her nose at the smell exuding from them. She and Laura were in this shit storm because she hadn’t known how to take care of a human, but mostly they were in this shit storm because Laura refused to kill Cody when they had the chance. He had pointed his buddies in their direction. An unreasonable anger against Laura flooded through Carmilla as she stared down at those two festering bullet holes. They wouldn’t have had to go through any of this if she’d just played it smart. Nearly a hundred and fifty years without a single human attachment, and in one week this girl was on the verge of making her do the one thing she swore never to do again. 

Her fury faded as quickly as it arrived. The subject of her irritation was dying, though, and that knowledge alone deflated her dark mood. Fuck it. Carmilla’s fangs slid past her gums, and she used one of the sharp edges to slice across the meaty part of her thumb. Heavy drops of thick blackened blood welled at the cut. She didn’t want to use too much, but too little would be pointless. She wished Mattie were here to guide her. Of course, if Mattie were here, she’d advise Carmilla to let Laura die.

Too late for that. The first of three drops of blood hit Laura’s shoulder wound before she added three more to her leg. The blood bubbled and sizzled as it reacted with Laura’s open wounds. Thirty seconds, perhaps a minute later, as if struck by an electrical surge Laura’s eyes and mouth opened in shock. She clutched at Carmilla’s hand as if seeking purchase and her silence might have been disturbing if it hadn’t been so necessary. Then the burst of energy dissipated as quickly as it arrived and she slept. They’d deal with the consequences later.

For a long time, Carmilla continued kneeling by her side. Watching. Waiting. Those vines of infection began to recede only to give way to a new kind of predator. One that would slither through Laura’s veins for the remainder of her natural life. 

Mother would be so fucking proud. Thank god the bitch was dead.

* * *

Almost a day passed before Laura opened her eyes again. In that time, her body went through a remarkable amount of healing. Where she’d been pale, almost ghostly white, her skin was now flush and healthy. The formally broken infected injuries on her shoulder and upper thigh had mended. She’d have some nasty scars as a remembrance, but there was only so much vampire blood could accomplish for a human.

“Hey.”

Laura’s eyes searched the room, but it was probably too dark for her to make anything out. “H-hey,” she said, voice raspy from lack of use.

“How do you feel?” Carmilla asked. Her supernatural eyesight highlighted Laura’s features with a silvery glow.

“I-um, what happened?” 

“You got shot. A pretty dramatic way of keeping me around, cupcake.”

“I remember that part,” Laura said with a snort. She gave her shoulders a small stretch then prodded at the mended flesh. “Why am I not dead?”

“Is that a complaint?” Carmilla asked dryly before blowing out a strained breath. Rather than answer, she repeated her earlier question. “How do you feel?”

“I feel okay, I think.” Almost as if she didn’t trust herself, Laura gingerly rolled to her knees and then climbed to her feet. “Where are we?”

“A cellar. I had to move you. It’s a little dingy, but dry. Hold on, and I’ll light that candle of yours.” She lit a match, and soon a soft golden glow illuminated the room.

“How long was I down?”

“A few days. If you’re up for it, we can head out as soon as the sun sets. Or now, I’ll change.”

“Wait, I need a moment.” Laura examined the cellar, walking to each corner before finally sitting down opposite Carmilla. Her nose crinkled as she tried to put thoughts into words. “You saved me,” she whispered and reached out, her fingers lightly brushing Carmilla’s hand. “Thank you. It’s just, I’m wondering how?” 

“Saved you? No, Laura. No. I didn’t…save you.” The truth lingered on her tongue, bitter and cold. Carmilla didn’t view herself as a coward, but she’d dreaded this conversation with every ounce of her being. Instinctively, she knew that Laura would want to know. It was the consequences of that truth that she dreaded. She’d walked this path once before and couldn’t stomach the possibility of a similar outcome.

Staring into Laura’s eyes—eyes that expected her to be some kind of hero—caused frustration to well up and overflow. Carmilla looked away and asked, “What do you know about vampires?”

Ironically, Laura raised a hand to her neck. “You drink blood? And don’t like daylight. Although I’ve seen you sunbathing as a panther, so that doesn't really add up. I haven’t asked why you can do the panther thing and other vampires can’t.”

“What else?” Carmilla pressed. She could hear the irritation in her voice and tried to tamp it down. “You’ve said before that you know all about us. Tell me what you know.”

Laura blinked and looked down at her hands, uncomfortable. She shrugged. “I only know what I’ve been told. There’s a lot of contradictions, but most people agree that vampires wanted to enslave humanity. We fought back, and things turned out crappy.”

“Crappy? That’s the understatement of the century. Somehow, I knew you were going to say enslave,” Carmilla muttered and made air quotes with her fingers. She hated the bite in her tone but was too caught up in bitterness to hold it in check. “Every damn news outlet in the world insisted on using that fucking word. Even now it’s still used as justification for what _your_ people did. Maybe if they showed a little restraint, this whole fucking world wouldn’t be such a shithole.”

Caught off guard, Laura’s eyes widened at this sudden outburst. But rather than back away, she scooted closer. Her eyes were concerned, kind. “Right, I guess I need to delete that word from my vocabulary. You asked me what I knew, and I repeated what I’ve heard. My Mom doesn’t like to talk about those days much. Well, at least not about what happened. So, why don’t you tell me what this is about?”

Bracing herself, Carmilla ripped the band-aid off. “I used my vampire blood to save your life.” 

Laura nodded slowly and didn’t immediately say anything. She rubbed at the scar tissue on her leg and said, “I was wondering if it was something like that. I feel pretty great, better than I felt before. So, tell me what that means. Sharing your blood?”

“It means that you lived,” Carmilla said as she ran her fingers through her hair. “It also means that at some point in the future you’re going to want more. And again. And again.”

“I’m going to want your blood because it’s a drug?” Laura frowned.

“A drug? Not exactly. People become addicted to drugs, but given enough willpower, they can potentially get clean. Maybe they’ll always crave the cause of their addiction, but it’s possible to resist. Vampire blood is an addiction, sure, but of an entirely different nature. Nor is it something that can be beaten. You’re going to be dependent on my blood for the rest of your life.” Carmilla spoke as mechanically as possible, but her voice broke all the same. She’d been down this road once before. Waiting for Laura’s reaction was like waiting for a confirmation of a death sentence. And there it was. Laura’s expression closing off and invisible walls slamming into place around her. She retreated, an inch perhaps two, but it felt like a mile; a gulf that was insurmountable. It felt like she’d fucked everything up.

“So what does this mean exactly? I’ll get a craving to drink your blood, and you’ll give me a sip? Will I be immortal? Is that what happens? What if I choose not to do it?”

She didn’t sugarcoat it. “You aren’t a vampire, so unless you’ve developed a taste for blood, I wouldn’t suggest consuming it.” She grimaced and continued, “Usually a few drops can be added to a small cut. It’ll keep you relatively healthy, but there aren’t any other benefits. No immortality. Trust me, it gets old.”

“Usually? You’ve done this before? Or is this just general knowledge? Something you learned in vampire school?” 

“This is fairly common knowledge among my kind,” she said, grateful she didn’t have to speak of the past. Even now, the memory of Elle burned as did the consequences of that terrible choice. There were things left unsaid here, things she couldn’t say, not yet. 

Laura regarded her silently. Finally, she said, “I think you keep expecting me to be mad, and I can’t. I remember pain. I hurt so much that I couldn’t even think about my Mom. I’m not celebrating, but at least I’m alive. After we save her, we can figure out what to do.”

“What to do?” Carmilla’s eyebrow rose. “You realize you won’t be able to return to your compound. Not with a vampire in tow.”

“I know, but I wasn’t ever planning on going back anyway,” Laura said but didn’t expand upon that sentence. Instead, she stood up and brushed the dust from her backside. She looked slightly ridiculous with one pant leg cut off near the top of her thigh. “Was it necessary to completely disfigure my clothing?”

“I want to say that I did it on purpose, but honestly I didn’t have another option. We’ll have to find you some new pants.” 

“Whose shirt does this belong to?” 

Carmilla cracked a smile. The shirt in question looked like a tent on Laura. “One of the men who attacked us.” She shrugged. “They won’t be needing their things anymore. We’ll have to find you new pants somewhere else.”

The last half an hour before the sunset was spent in silence as they gathered their belongings and prepared to depart. She stole glances at Laura, trying to guess at her thoughts. That conversation went a thousand times better than she’d expected it to. 

Laura poked her head out of the cellar first and then nodded for Carmilla to follow. She didn’t speak, and it was difficult not to read too much into that. If this were a different time, a different place, Carmilla would give her some space. But that wasn’t a luxury they could afford. She wasn’t sure when she had started thinking of Laura’s quest to save her mother as her own, as something they were doing together. 

An hour passed before either of them spoke again. An hour where Carmilla was left examine the past and all of the regrets that came with it. Elle was there, but that regret centered on a supreme miscalculation she’d made as a young vampire. She didn’t love Elle, at least not anymore, but it was impossible not to wish things had turned out differently. No, it was Mattie who remained her greatest regret. When thinking of the past, her thoughts almost always lingered on Mattie. She couldn’t imagine a day of her life that those last images of her sister and best friend didn’t haunt her. 

They’d been so different. Some newly turned vampires took to undeath better than others. Carmilla had accepted her fate with some grace, but Mattie had flourished. Death became her. Splendid and charming in every way, humans practically fell over each other in an effort to throw themselves to her. Mattie, who unlike Carmilla, loved making humans beholden to her. She was never a victim of her conscience, and not for the first time, Carmilla envied her for that. 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“What?”

“My Mom used to say that whenever she wanted me to talk about something,” Laura said.

“And you want me to talk about something?” Carmilla replied, casting her a sidelong glance.

“You have that wistful look on your face.”

Carmilla glared. “That wistful look? I’m not wistful. Vampires aren’t wistful. We’re ferocious. Besides, it’s dark; you can’t even see.”

“I can _see_ ,” Laura said, “that you’re looking up at the stars. You do that sometimes.”

“What? We’ve known each other for less than a week, and you’ve spent half that time trying to die on me. We haven’t spent enough time with each other for you to notice anything about me.”

For a moment, Carmilla worried that she’d spoken too sharply. She’d been surprised by Laura’s comment, her question. But the last thing she wanted to do was expand the rift between them. 

“You prefer the night, and I have a feeling that was true even before you were a vampire. You’re gentle, and I know you feel like it makes you weak, so you play it off with sarcasm and apathy. You could’ve left me for dead because we both know your life would be easier, but you stayed by my side. You’re not awful, or a monster. It’s been less than a week, but I think I know you better than anyone I’ve ever met.”

Carmilla dug her hands into the pockets of her coat. She could feel Laura’s journal resting in the inside pocket. “Laura…”

“I know I don’t understand what this blood thing means. And maybe I’ll be furious with you when I do. But I just don’t think you’d hurt me. You tell me it’s a terrible idea to trust a vampire and all I can think is that it’s too late.”

“You’re an idiot.” 

“Maybe. So, penny for your thoughts?”

Sighing, Carmilla said, “I was thinking about Mattie. She would’ve hated this world more than I do. She always did enjoy the finer trappings of life. It seemed that with each decade that passed, some luxury would take the world by storm and she had to have it. And let me tell you, Mattie, loved luxury, loved innovation.” 

“What kind of innovation?”

“Um, you name it, and she was probably helping fund it. Things like air conditioning, to new medicine, to sex toys.”

Laura furrowed her brow. “They had toys for sex? And your sister helped make them?”

“Finance them. Mattie had great vision for the future but hated the inconvenience of doing things herself. She always told me that her talent lay in finding and employing the people who could do the work.”

“Tell me about the sex toys. What were those? I thought sex was just something two people did together.”

“Right, I suppose those would be before your time,” Carmilla said surprised that she felt mildly embarrassed. “You could say that they helped enhance the experience. It might be better not to know what you're missing out on.”

Laura didn’t seem convinced, but thankfully changed the subject. “I know we’re going to have to be careful when we enter the city, but I kind of hope we find a bookstore before we get there.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I lost my diary and want to replace it.”

Embarrassment to guilt in the space of a minute. Great. Carmilla reached into her pocket to pull the book out and tried to figure out a confession that wouldn’t get her into too much trouble. Laura hadn’t been that bothered by the blood, so maybe she’d not overreact to the blatant invasion of her innermost thoughts?

“Not only do I get to save my Mom, but I didn’t die before I could have my first kiss. It’s a right of passage.” 

“First kiss? Are you kidding? What kind of boys were in your community? I can’t imagine the post-apocalypse ones are any more polite than those of the previous generation.”

Laura stumbled but managed to keep her stride. “I thought it was obvious.”

“Obvious?”

“Carm, I’m a lesbian. I like girls. Girls are great. Yeah, boys have shown interest, but, I dunno. The world can be a downer sometimes, and we are struggling to survive. But I don't think that should mean that I should accept less than I deserve. I want the first person I kiss—a girl—to be someone special.”

Well shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was super torn with how to approach Laura's reaction to how Carmilla saved her. Initially, this chapter had a darker angrier tone, but ultimately I thought that Laura would put saving her mother above all else, even her own wellbeing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another battle, another step closer to their goal. And a kiss...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reviews! The support for this fic has been amazing! Also, have you guys seen [ THIS ](https://alustorm.tumblr.com/post/169665947842/fanart-of-the-fic-the-journal-you-should-totally) freaking amazing artwork for The Journal by @alustorm?

“You’re staring again.”

“What? No, I’m not.”

“You’ve been staring at me for hours even though you’re supposed to be helping keep an eye on the slavers.”

“Why do I need to watch them when you’ve had your beady little eyes glued to their every movement? Besides, they’re not going anywhere.”

“You’re impossible.”

Carmilla yawned in response. Okay, so she _had_ been staring at Laura. Constantly. She was certain that she could pick Laura's ass out of a lineup with how often she spent examining it. Ever since Laura’s little bombshell a few nights ago, Carmilla had been more obsessed with her than usual. Even the smallest, most innocuous things were fascinating. Worse yet, was that she found herself hanging on Laura’s every word as if the hidden truths of the universe fell from the girl's tongue. 

“Did you hear what I said?” Laura asked and slapped her arm.

“Yeah. It was something about the slavers.”

Laura sighed. “I was telling you that it looks like some of them are preparing to go on patrol. That leaves eight near the center of camp. A few more hours and they’ll settle down. You’re right in that we can’t just take one of them. This group seems organized and it won't take long for them to notice someone is missing. See that hulking guy in the middle? He has to be the leader. We’ll need to finish off the others while incapacitating him.”

Resigned, Carmilla sighed and said, “I’ll do it. You should stay back.” 

“I’m going with you.”

“Laura, no.”

“Laura, yes. I’m going with you. No way am I letting you do this alone.”

“Are you forgetting that I’m the centuries-old vampire, and unlike you, difficult to kill?”

“Are you forgetting that I’m perfectly capable of defending myself? Also, you just admitted you’re difficult to kill, but not invulnerable. I’m going to help, Carm,” Laura said, stubbornly. “I’ll watch your back and you can watch mine. You’ve already had some practice at that today.”

Carmilla blinked. Was she being teased? Laura had been doing more of that over the last few days. Offering humored smiles when Carmilla was sure she hadn’t said anything funny. And then there was the touching. Feathery grazes of fingers across her arm or shoulder. She worried that sharing her blood with Laura had done this even though Mother hadn’t described affection and flirting as one of the side effects.

A loud noise jolted her from these musings and Carmilla turned her attention to the morons below the ridge they were hiding on. The inhabitants were well-armed, and she assumed, moderately trained. Unlike, the denizens of Point Nemo, these men showed a modicum of discipline. Even so, they were typical of their breed and were taking pleasure by revelling in their barbarism. In this case, their targets were a few infected who were drawn to the ruckus and had wandered into their camp. 

She and Laura had discovered them shortly before sunset. At the time, Carmilla—still in panther form—practically had to pounce on Laura to prevent her from investigating too closely. Admittedly, the idea of pouncing on Laura sounded more appealing with each passing day. These soldiers made little attempt at masking their presence. A huge bonfire wafted so much smoke into the sky that Carmilla had to wonder if it was intended to be a signal fire. And then there were the Infected. A half dozen of them wore manacles cuffed around their ankles which were then attached to stakes in the ground. They looked too far gone to have provided much of a threat, but it seemed that they would serve a purpose.

A game. Rather than be put down like the rabid dogs they were, these Infected had been captured for sport. As time passed, Carmilla grew more concerned. These men didn’t care who heard them, didn’t care if they were noticed, or if they attracted more Infected. She watched as the leader prepared to face off against an Infected. He removed his flak jacket along with a worn thermal long sleeve shirt and stood bare-chested in front of the snarling monster. In his hands, he held two wickedly sharp knives that looked like fancy curved machetes. When released, the Infected rushed him, only to be cut down in a matter of moments while the men around the fire laughed. 

Disgusted, Laura glanced away. “Mom says that they're dying out. She says we need to hold our ground until that happens. But I’m not sure that this is what she meant.”

Carmilla didn’t offer an opinion. Maybe the Infected would die out, but that still left enough humans and vampires to reap destruction. Instead, she said, “It’s too dangerous for us to go down there now. We need to wait a few hours. Once a few of them are asleep, we can take out the patrols and do this silently.”

Laura nodded. “Yeah, silent is good. I can do silent.”

“Yeah, like a bull in a china shop,” Carmilla said under her breath and laughed lightly when Laura’s mouth fell open in outrage. “Don’t act so offended. You have to admit that you have a tendency to rush in without thinking.”

“Rush in?” Laura glared. “Fine, let’s bet. When we go down there, I bet I’ll be quieter than you. You like to think you’re all stealthy, but usually, you’re kind of ‘roar.’” She made her fingers into claws and held them on either side of her head.

The beautiful smile on Laura’s lips threatened to draw Carmilla into the silliness. She swallowed the urge—because this all felt much too comfortable, and said, “Cupcake, you should be more worried about us surviving. This isn’t going to be easy.”

Laura chewed on the inside of her cheek. “You’re sure these are the slavers?”

“The slavers? As in the one's who took your mother? No. But yes, I did overhear them griping about not receiving as much for this latest group of people. That sounds incriminating enough to my ears.” Carmilla’s expression softened. “Are you having doubts?”

“No. I’m ready. How long should wait?” 

“I imagine it’ll be a few hours before all of this maleness winds down. Why don’t you catch a few. I’ll wake you up-”

“No deal. If I fall asleep you’ll go down there by yourself. We’re doing this together.”

“Suit yourself. I’ll take a nap instead. Wake me up when it starts to get quiet down there.” Carmilla instructed as she rolled onto her back and closed her eyes. She wouldn’t be able to sleep but hoped for a few moments of quiet time. She could drown out the shouts and jeers from below, but Laura’s steady heartbeat was another matter. And her constant nearness. The way she gravitated close and her mere presence battered away at Carmilla’s willpower. 

“Carm?” 

“Hmmm?” 

“I was thinking about what happens after this is all over.”

“Yeah?” Beside her, Carmilla could feel Laura scooting closer. She smelled better than a person who hadn’t bathed in recent days had a right to.

“Well, you said that I would need your blood.”

Carmilla cracked an eye open and saw Laura watching her. Her hand hovered near Carmilla’s, indecisive. Finally she pulled back, but even so, the faint breath of her near touch lingered. “Now who’s staring? Shouldn’t you be making sure the miscreants don't get the drop on us?”

“They are killing those Infected and they have no idea we're here. It’s fine,” Laura said, unconcerned. No, not unconcerned, distracted. Bothered. “Tell me more about the blood. You said I’d want it, but when? How will I know? Is it sudden or something that develops over time?”

Right. She’d been waiting for this topic to come up. The inevitability of it had weighed on her over that last several days. It wasn’t the conversation she’d been avoiding so much as the fact that she didn't have the required answers. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? How is that possible? You're centuries old, do they not teach this stuff in vampire school?”

“Just because I’m a vampire doesn’t mean I had any desire to create a horde of minions all hoping to receive my favor.”

A loud agonized shriek caused Laura to startle, but it was only the slavers inflicting pain on an Infected. She swallowed and said, “I wish we could put them out of their misery. Is this what it’s always going to be like? The Infected kill us. We kill them. We kill each other. The vampires eat us. What’s the point?”

“You’re not wrong, but apathy isn't a great look on you, cupcake.”

“Maybe you’re rubbing off on me,” Laura said, sticking her tongue out.

“Mature.”

“You’re different from other vampires.”

“Because you've met so many? I guess you believe this because I haven't eaten you?”

Laura waited for the shouts of a dying Infected to pass before she spoke. “No, it’s because you're capable of caring.”

“That is a dangerous assumption,” Carmilla said, but the warning sounded weak. She didn’t deny it. Couldn’t deny it. 

“You care,” Laura repeated then finished with, “about me.” 

There it was. The truth. “Yes.” 

Their eyes connected and neither seemed able to look away. Perhaps she imagined it, but the air was charged, electric. Laura licked her bottom lip, and for a crazy insane moment, Carmilla wondered if she would remove the space between them. 

“Carm?”

“Hmmm?”

“I care about you too.” Laura drew in a deep shuddering breath, and said, “But I need you to tell me that it’s not related to the blood.”

Carmilla blinked, and like a bucket of ice water being poured over her, the mood evaporated. Even though, she’d had similar doubts, hearing it from Laura tasted like bitter fruit. Clenching her jaw tight, she hissed between her teeth. “What? You believe I did this so I can control you? Is that what you think of me? That I'm doing all of this for what? So I can-”

Her rant was cut short by Laura lips colliding with her own, her fingers digging into Carmilla’s shoulders in an act born of desperation. As first kisses went, this one was awkward, but there was fire and passion in it too. Their foreheads bumped, and then their noses. Laura’s teeth nipped too hard at her lower lip and drew blood. Neither seemed to care. Carmilla returned her affection with equal fervor. She let Laura lead, let her choose the pace and how far this would go. 

Between frantic kisses, Laura crawled forward and straddled her hips. Her hands strayed higher until they cupped either side of Carmilla’s cheeks and held her in place. Carmilla had to acknowledge that some part of her had wanted this with Laura from the beginning. Wanted to touch her. Wanted to hold her. To possess her. She gave in to those desires now and wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist. Luxuriated in the heat of her body. 

In a flash of clarity, with their mouths learning the other's shape and feel, Carmilla knew that Laura belonged to her. But more importantly, she knew in her heart that she belonged to Laura. And had from that first day they met. Nearly every step of this journey had been spent fighting that ever-dawning realization. 

“Was that okay?” Laura asked, shy now where only seconds ago she’d been bold. Confident.

Carmilla brought their mouths together again, this time leading. She wanted to deepen the kiss but knew this wasn’t the time and with a regretful sigh, let her head fall back to the ground. “Somehow I think I should be the one asking you that. Not that I’m complaining, but what brought that on?” 

“I want to practice some more,” Laura said, adding more gentle kisses of her own along Carmilla's jawline. “I needed to shut you up, and this was the first thing that sprung to mind.”

“Good job. You outdid yourself.” Carmilla still hadn’t removed her hands from Laura’s middle; she wasn’t quite ready to let her go. Not that Laura seemed in any hurry to move away herself. “Why did you want to shut me up?”

“I wasn’t explaining it right.” Laura closed her eyes and rested her head on Carmilla’s shoulder. “You saved my life and once we find my Mom, I’m pretty sure it’ll be because of you. I won’t ever be mad at you for sharing your blood. Honestly, I was relieved.” She whispered this confession against Carmilla’s neck and followed it with an unmistakable brush of her lips. 

“Relieved?” 

Her response was slow in coming, and when Laura did speak, she sat up and met Carmilla’s curious gaze. “It gave me hope that you’d want to stay. With me. When this is all over, I want you to stay.”

“Laura.”

“Don’t say it.”

Carmilla grasped Laura’s hand and placed it over her heart. Held it there so that she would understand. “It’s dead and won’t ever beat again. The inside doesn’t match the outside. I'm not an eighteen-year-old girl. I drink blood and have a callous disregard for the lives of humans. Wanting this and the reality of it are two different things.”

With a faint smile, Laura asked, “Is that a yes or a no?” 

There were a thousand reasons for why this was a terrible idea, and perhaps not a single good one why it was, but Carmilla knew that when it came to Laura she’d never stand a chance of saying no. “Okay.” 

“Great. Now you won’t have to pretend you aren’t staring at my butt. Speaking of butts, let’s go kick some. Those guys quieted down a few minutes ago.”

Carmilla was a little disturbed that she hadn’t noticed the lack of commotion from below. They peered over the cliff and on the men as they settled down into sleeping bags that were situated under a few tents. 

“There.” Laura pointed to two pairs of patrols that stood at opposites ends of the camp. “I have a plan.”

“Does it involve us skipping these guys? More kissing?” She asked, shrugging out of her leather jacket and setting it next to their other belongings. It had suffered enough damage since meeting the tiny tornado. 

“Don’t be a party pooper. We can do this.”

Carmilla thought that Laura looked a little too excited, but her plan had merit. Agreeing to it, however, made her stomach twist into knots. Crouching on the edge of the ridge, she watched Laura methodically make her way down and around the camp. No one noticed her. She flashed a thumbs up at Carmilla and began to carefully stalk her way towards the first of the two patrols. These men were taking turns dozing off and Laura planned to silence them without raising an alarm. Her approach was almost torturously slow, but soon she knelt behind a fallen tree on the opposite side of the patrol. 

One man stood, semi-alert while the other leaned against the trunk and dozed. Laura didn’t seek Carmilla's comfort, reassurance, or permission; she simply struck. She hopped over the dead tree and speared her knife through the jugular of the first man. He clutched ineffectively at the weapon as the arterial spray of blood from his throat splashed across the face of the other. He didn’t get a chance to do more than startle awake before Laura slit his throat with her second knife. 

Carmilla’s gaze locked onto the second set of sentries. This was crucial. Laura would need to reach them before they realized anything was amiss. If they spotted her, then that would mean weapons fire, and Carmilla would be driven to premature action. Laura didn’t waste any time, only taking a few seconds to wipe off the handles of her weapons. She’d need to cover about sixty yards in less than a minute without drawing attention to herself.

These two were more vigilant than the previous pair, and Carmilla’s muscles tensed in readiness. No matter the result, she’d soon be at bat. The idea had been for Laura to take out the sentries under Carmilla’s watchful eye and if issues arose, she’d hopefully be able to intervene in time to protect Laura. She’d argued for sticking together, but Laura insisted that this was the better strategy. And then she had asked Carmilla to trust her.

If this went as planned she'd be able to get the jump on the men in the tents. But that brought another concern to light. A part of her worried about Laura seeing her vampire side. It was one thing knowing that Carmilla had used her supernatural abilities to kill the men who attacked them, it would be quite another to see it in person. They’d kissed, and after getting the thing she so wanted, the idea that Laura might regret it terrified her.

Ten steps from her targets, Laura stumbled and one of the men turned in her direction. She regained her balance and threw a knife that planted itself between his eyes. Seconds later, she leaped on the second man and took him down. Unfortunately, she failed to quash his shouts. 

Carmilla resisted the urge to go to her aid and jumped off the ridge, landing smoothly after falling about fifty feet into the middle of the campsite. Around her, men were stirring as they reacted to the scuffle. She struck at the closest, hitting him hard enough to crack his skull. 

Two rapid pops of a pistol zoomed past her, but Carmilla was a blur of motion. The extreme high of her last feeding had begun to fade and that made this frenetic use of energy difficult. She was a little less strong, a little less swift. Blood was fuel, and the more she used her abilities, the faster she burned through her reserves. 

She preyed on the chaos and snapped the neck of a guy fumbling with his rifle. Nearby, the leader aimed his pistol at her and she darted around him which put her in the path of another gun. A series of bullets pierced her chest and broke her stride. She gritted her teeth and pushed through the pain, racing forward to rip the weapon out of the man’s hand. 

The now weaponless man in front of Carmilla couldn’t do more than fruitlessly hold his hands up to ward her off. With a grim smile, she jerked him close and buried her fangs in his neck. Behind her, someone shouted—a roar of agony that was over nearly as quickly as it began. 

It was a man’s voice. A man. Not Laura. Not Laura. 

Rapid fire from an automatic weapon drowned out the sounds of combat which forced Carmilla to focus on the more immediate dangers. With her victim clutched tight, she whirled them around and he took the brunt of the fire. Bullets pierced her hands and arms, but she held tight and used the man as a shield as she rushed the attacker. The three of them went down in a heap. With the dead weight of the corpse between them, Carmilla clawed at the struggling man. She gouged her fingers into his eyes, blinding him then followed with a few punches to the side of his head. He fell silent, either dead or unconscious. How many were left? Carmilla wanted to call out to Laura but worried that might alert the men to her presence. 

Instead, she climbed to her feet with the intent of finishing the fight. Before she could do much more than stand up, something slammed into her and carried her backward. For all of her strength and supernatural abilities, she still only weighed just over a hundred pounds. Carmilla flailed at her attacker until she recognized him. He was their target and an interrogation would be difficult if she accidentally killed him. 

“Fucking vampire!” he roared and flung her away from him. Into the campfire. 

Shit. She landed with a thud into the heart of the flames which licked and scorched her clothing, and the skin across her back. It was an immediate searing all-consuming agony, but she had the wherewithal to scramble out of the fire and thrash at the flames.

The man stalked towards her and pull two knives from his belt. They were longer than the knives Laura wielded, about eighteen inches in length, and had a slightly curved blade. 

“Vampires, are tough yeah? But you won’t be the first I’ve killed.”

The swift sound of feet pounding towards them caused Carmilla to look away from the man. Laura—bloodied, but alive—sprinted full speed in their direction. When she was a few away, Laura dropped to her knees and slid underneath the man’s outreached weapons. Before he could swipe at her again, she stabbed him in the arch of his foot. Bellowing, he slashed at her, but Laura was quicker and darted away. He lunged at her and paid for it, this time with an impaled kneecap. Unable to keep his balance, he fell and Laura took advantage. She kicked the weapons from his hands and for good measure, added a boot to his face. The man was more than twice her size and she ended the fight in under thirty seconds.

Carmilla sat up and admired her. “Damn, cupcake. I think I’ll sit the next one out. I’m pretty sure you didn’t need me.”

“You’re hurt.” Laura knelt next to her and frowned as she inspected the damage. “Really hurt. We need to get you some blood.”

“Later. The others?”

“Dead. He’s the only one left.”

“Let’s get what we came for.” She didn’t move. 

“Carm…”

“Come on. Help me up. You got the last one, this one is mine,” she said, glaring at the fucker who had tossed her into the fire. He lay limp, unmoving on the ground and the lower half of his face was soaked with blood. Laura’s boot must have broken his nose. “Holy shit. You kicked his ass.”

“Yeah, I was scared he was going to kill you. What should we do?”

“Help me tie his hands up. Then I’ll wake him and we’ll find out what happened to your mom.” 

Carmilla had to slap him a few times before he began to stir. His face was a mask of pained confusion as he took in the two girls who held him captive. She rested her hand on his injured knee then dropped her fangs. It didn’t take long for his eyes to widen in recollection. 

She regarded the man as he stared at her, defiant. Finally, she said, “You’re a slaver.”

“So?”

“So, we’ve been chasing you. And here’s the thing. I’m sure you’re the type that likes games, but I’m not interested in playing. We’re looking for a woman. Mid-forties looks a little like her.” Carmilla pointed at Laura.

He glanced at Laura, then back at Carmilla. “Fuck off. I ain't got nothin' to say.”

She squeezed his knee and when he winced, she smiled, showing her fangs. “Like I said, no games. You know you’re going to die, and I bet you think you could withstand any amount of pain we dish out. But like I said, I’m not interested in playing. Have you ever heard of vampire thrall?” She reached for one of his blades and slowly sliced a thin cut across his chest. 

Over the years, Carmilla had been privy to many legends and misconceptions involving vampire lore. Usually, these tales were annoying. Garlic? Mirrors? Ridiculous. But sometimes the fallacies could be useful. Case in point, humanity’s belief that vampires wished to enslave them. He maintained a stoic angry expression until she wrapped her fingers around the blade and drew it along the soft flesh of her palm. Black blood welled at the cut, and as expected, that was enough to break the man’s silence.

He gritted his teeth and said, “We traded them at the Factory. Dunno if the one you're looking for was with them, though.”

“Traded them?” Laura asked, incredulous. “Traded them for what?”

When he didn’t respond, Carmilla held her bleeding hand over his forearm. She made a fist and met his eyes as drops of blood fell inches from the cut on his chest. The threat was implied and provided ample motivation for their captive to start talking. These slavers were part of a larger colony of people who had profited greatly by trading people to vampires for fuel. More importantly, they discovered the location of the Factory. 

“You gonna kill me now, vamp?” The anger, the fight had drained from him and he seemed almost accepting of his fate.

“Yeah. It’ll hurt, but you’re an asshole and deserve it.” Carmilla turned her head and addressed Laura. “Cupcake, why don’t you go back up the ridge and collect our things. I’ll follow in a minute.”

“No.”

Frustrated that they needed to have this conversation after the Cody fiasco, Carmilla said, “There’s no way we are letting him live, and I-”

“No, Carm. I mean, I’ll stay and wait for you.”

“You sure?”

Laura nodded, and while her inner conflict was clear, she didn’t look away and Carmilla didn’t argue. She twisted the man’s head to the side and buried her fangs in his neck. Tears rolled down his from his cheeks to her exposed shoulder. The worst of mankind always were the ones who cried the most.

Once she finished, Carmilla stood and walked over to Laura who was going through the men's belongings. “You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. There's a bunch of great stuff here.” Laura glanced at her and held up a box of ammo. “These are the same caliber as my pistol. And there’s a ton of food in here too. Oh and I think we should take one of their tents. But the best part is this.” She held up a package of t-shirts. “Look at these! Unopened. Clean. Shirts!”

“Size large,” Carmilla said, reading the package. "Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers." She paused and then gave in and brought up the topic that was foremost on her mind. "I’m surprised you stayed.”

Laura shrugged and returned to her task. “It’s not that I wanted to watch you drink someone’s blood. Or kill them. But I thought that if I want to be with you, then I need to accept that this is a part of who you are. And well, I want to be with you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interlude.

“Soap. I can’t believe we found soap,” Laura said, laughing and bouncing from one foot to the other in excitement. She held up one of the bars—a muddy tan colored brick—and tossed it over.

“And a creek. Of sorts. ” Carmilla stared at the admittedly pitiful stream of running water. Using the soap, she knelt and washed some of the sticky blood off of her hands. After some initial scouting she hadn’t been able to tell which direction they’d need to travel to find a deeper current. “I suppose it’ll have to do.”

“I'm so ready for a bath that I wouldn't care if it was a puddle. And my clothes absolutely reek. Everything is getting washed,” Laura said as she toed out of her boots and socks. Dirty clothes from both of their packs had already been piled on the ground.

They’d left the slaver’s camp an hour ago carrying more supplies than they needed. Most of it would be left behind once they entered the city after daybreak. If they stashed this stuff somewhere, though, perhaps they could retrieve once they returned. If they survived. Not far from the stream, a range of rocky mountains blocked any path heading east. About fifty feet above them Carmilla spied a thick crack in the rock face that appeared both wide and deep enough to house their things and provide shelter for the night. 

Laura unbuttoned her jeans and inched them past her hips and the pounding rhythm of her heartbeat accelerated with each piece of discarded clothing. By the time she finished undressing, it sounded like a stampede of horses. Modesty was pointless in their situation, but thus far they'd avoided full-on nudity. Declarations of feelings and nudity all in one day. Progress.

Doing laundry in a stream shouldn’t have been sexy, but Carmilla was having a difficult time remembering why. The sight of Laura’s naked body made her stomach twist, and she couldn’t help the decidedly impure thoughts racing through her mind. Until now, clothing had hidden the sleek lines of toned muscle on Laura’s stomach and thighs. There wasn’t a soft spot on her—well other than her small rounded breasts and her lips which Carmilla had the pleasure of sampling earlier.

“You’re beautiful,” she said, meaning it. Laura was bathed in moonlight and even covered in dirt and blood she seemed ethereal.

Laura smiled and glanced up shyly. Blushing, she said, “Thank you. I’d love to return the compliment if you wanted to, um, join me? Or, you know, I could just continue being the only naked one. Because that’s not awkward.”

“Well, since you asked. I’m not sure you’ll be able to control yourself, though. Vampires are known for their beauty; we’re quite irresistible.”

“Oh please. Full of yourself much? Have I mentioned you stink as much as I do?” Laura grinned and sounded happier than Carmilla could remember her being in their relatively short time together. 

She hid her smile at the way Laura’s attention strayed to the newly bared skin revealed by each piece of discarded clothing. Perhaps things were moving fast between them, but Carmilla couldn’t bring herself to fight it. Not when this is what she'd secretly longed for all along. This connection she felt with Laura was consuming and all-encompassing. It clouded her thoughts and more importantly, her judgment. And if Laura wanted her, then why resist?

Perhaps the blood would complicate things down the road, but that was a worry for tomorrow.

They washed their things in mutual silence and when finished, draped the clothing over some nearby low-hanging branches. Carmilla scrubbed herself clean in the chilled water. The stream was barely more than ankle deep, so she was forced to kneel in the current and splash water on herself to rinse off.

“Will you help me wash my hair?” 

“Is this a not-so-subtle way of getting me to touch you?” Carmilla asked with a teasing smirk and a raised brow.

“What? No,” Laura grumbled, then paused and admitted, “It might be an unintended benefit, though.”

“I suppose I can’t fault you for that as I'll be benefiting too.” Unconcerned by the icy water, Laura sat cross-legged in the middle of the shallow creek. Carmilla knelt behind her and used an old tin can they’d found to pour water over her head. The soap wasn’t ideal for hair, but she understood the need to sterilize oneself after a fight like that. She slowly lathered Laura’s hair and worked her fingers in a soothing motion against her scalp. 

Laura hummed in pleasure and said, “Thanks, Carm. That’s wonderful.”

“Want me to wash your back?” 

“Yeah, sure. I mean if you want to, yes. If it wouldn’t put you out. You have a back too, and maybe that needs washing. So if your back—”

Carmilla stroked her fingers down Laura’s neck and along her shoulder and smiled at the goosebumps that followed in the wake of her touch. She’d been wrong about Laura not being soft. There was steel beneath her skin, yes, but every inch of her was also supple and smooth. A vein in her neck stood out, and the steady thrum of it acted as a beacon. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, Carmilla knew she was supposed to be doing something that didn’t include ogling Laura’s neck, but couldn’t remember what that was. Its lure was irresistible, and her lips found their way to that vein. A kiss, nothing more. Even so, she could feel the ache in her gums and the seductive desire to drop her fangs.

Laura sighed and tilted her head ever so slightly to grant access. That simple action was the figurative ice water Carmilla needed to put a stop to this. She quickly splashed some water on Laura’s back and swiped it a few times with the soap. “Okay, great. Looks like we’re both clean. Time to get some rest.”

Laura jumped to her feet and followed Carmilla. Away from the water, she suddenly seemed to notice the chill in the air and shivered. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that our clothes are wet, and so are we. Can't have you getting sick. ”

Confused, Laura frowned and said, “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. But you’re right. We need to find a place to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a big day.” 

She was correct, of course. The true search for Laura’s mother would begin tomorrow. Tonight they needed a place to rest. Carmilla stared up the rock ledge she’d noticed earlier and pointed. “What if we go up there?”

Following her gaze, Laura wrinkled her nose and said, “I—uh, Carm. I don’t think I can get up there. I appreciate your confidence in my midnight rock climbing abilities, but, unfortunately, that isn’t one of the skills I’ve mastered.”

Carmilla walked to the base of the cliff. “I’ll get us up there. Here, wrap your arms around neck,” she said, trying not to think about the fact that they were both still naked. Or the touch of Laura’s breasts pressing into her back. It was rocky and jagged, but she effortlessly scaled the cliff and pulled them up over the edge. 

“Wow,” Laura exclaimed, as she settled down and stared down over the precipice. “That was amazing. Any chance you can get the rest of our things?”

“That’s the plan,” Carmilla said. “Sit tight; I’ll be right back.”

They decided to chance a fire—a simple but often dangerous luxury. Carmilla reasoned, though, that no one would be coming up here to find them and in the morning she could scout the area in panther form to make sure they were still alone. There wasn’t much room to maneuver in what amounted to little more than a crack in the side of a mountain, but they were able to comfortably lie side by side beneath some of the blankets they'd liberated from the slavers. 

It was torture being this close. It was amazing.

“It’s dark. We’re still both naked. I’m not tired.”

“Is this state the obvious night?” Carmilla asked, amused.

“No. It’s just that it’s cold and dark. And all of a sudden I’m thinking about tomorrow.” Laura shifted and wiggled around until she lay on her side facing Carmilla. Her hand reached out and curled some of Carmilla’s hair around her finger.

“Are you afraid?” Carmilla asked.

“No. Not with you here, with me. We’ll find her, I know it.”

Carmilla hadn’t ever had to meet the mother of a woman she was interested in. The entire idea was ridiculous and all too normal. She somehow doubted that Laura’s mother would be thrilled at the idea of her daughter bound to and romantically involved with a vampire. She kept these doubts to herself, however. “Thank you for earlier.”

“You mean when I saved your life? Cause I totally saved your life. You’re welcome by the way.”

“Your humility is admirable,” Carmilla said dryly and turned onto her side to face Laura. They were inches apart. “You didn’t hesitate to kill those men tonight. I worried about that after Cody.”

Laura tucked an arm under her head and chewed on her lip while she considered her response. “Yeah, but,” she paused, “it was different. Those men at Point Nemo might be awful, and I’m sure they’ve hurt people. But slavers are the worst of the worst. They seek out destruction without a care for the harm they inflict. They sell children. They destroy families.”

“They steal mothers away from their daughters,” Carmilla finished and caressed the knuckles of her fingers along Laura’s jawline. 

“Yes.” 

“And so they deserved to die.”

“Yes.” It was a quiet but firm admission. After a moment, Laura shrugged her melancholy off, and added, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Here in general, or here now?”

“Both, but especially right now. Would it be weird for me to say that I feel like I’ve been waiting for you my entire life? When you look at me, I can almost forget how horrible things are.” Her eyes strayed to Carmilla’s lips. “I want to kiss you again.”

“Is that so?” Carmilla asked, unsurprised by the change in subject, or the sudden shift in mood. She leaned in and brushed her mouth against Laura’s, a faint touch, barely there. “Is this what you had in mind?”

“Hmmm, not so much, no.”

“Huh. This calls for another attempt.” Carmilla closed the distance between them and pushed Laura onto her back. This kiss was soft, gentle, and wholly unsatisfying. A tease. “Like this?” she asked, smirking.

Shaking her head, Laura’s fought to keep her smile at bay. “More.”

“You do realize that more can lead to… more.” She delivered this warning playfully, sensually. Seductively. 

Laura’s only response was a broad smile, and with the firelight illumining her every feature, Carmilla wondered if she'd ever seen a more exquisite creature. When their mouths connected for the third time, she didn’t hesitate, didn’t hold back. Carmilla unleashed that part of herself that sought to claim, to take. Laura would be hers. But it was Laura who deepened the kiss; her tongue flicking against Carmilla’s lip and that was all the permission she needed to explore. She tasted sweet, like honeysuckle on a cloudless day.

_Mine, she is mine._ Possessive thoughts ran rampant one after the other through Carmilla’s mind. It was instinctual, and while she often hated the part of her that was a monster, Carmilla couldn’t disagree with this sentiment.

Laura’s hands gripped Carmilla’s shoulders, and her fingernails adding a bit of bite that was all too arousing. The blankets between them were a deterrent, so she shrugged hers off before sliding under Laura’s, all the while never breaking the kiss. 

Carmilla braced herself with one hand and used the other to explore. Her fingers mapped out the dips and valleys of Laura’s body, often lingering on the hard ridges of scar tissue or the silky steel of a taut muscle. Never, not even in a past life with another lover had she experienced this overwhelming desire to meld herself with another person. To imprint herself upon them. As a vampire, seduction was her forte, but it was Laura who had enthralled her. Even her touch, unversed as it was, burned hotter and brighter than that of any lover Carmilla had ever known. 

Slowing down was difficult, but she made the supreme effort to do so. She pulled her mouth away from Laura’s and kissed a trail down her neck where she lingered like a vampire stereotype. The sweet, heady scent of her blood was something like an aphrodisiac. But it smelled of anxiety and nerves too. Hoping to relax her, Carmilla met Laura's eyes and smiled slyly. “You know, I’ve been wondering what my prize is for winning our bet.”

“Bet?” Laura asked, furrowing her brows. 

Tutting as if she were supremely disappointed by a perceived offense, Carmilla asked, “Don’t you remember the wager you made tonight concerning who would be quieter? I clearly won.”

“Uh, no, you didn’t,” Laura sputtered, adorably outraged. “You were throwing people around, and there were guns firing.”

“Yes, this is true. But let’s not forget about the fact that they wouldn’t have been firing if you hadn’t alerted them. So, I think I deserve a reward for winning the bet.”

“Oh.” Laura appeared to consider this, then, suspicious, asked, “What do you want?”

Everything. Forever. But Carmilla didn’t say these things, as that would be asking the impossible. “For starters, how about a kiss?”

“Weren’t we just doing that?”

“You can’t ever have too many. I’m starting a collection.” 

“I was expecting this to be serious.”

“This, as in sex? Serious? If you're looking for raw, passionate fucking, then yes, serious works. But personally, I believe that it should be fun. Exciting.” For good measure, Carmilla added a kiss to this declaration before moving her fingers to Laura’s waist and tickling her. Unfortunately, this didn’t achieve its intended response. 

“Um, Carm, what are you trying to do?”

“Tickle you?”

“Oh, seriously?” 

The absolute bafflement on Laura’s face was enough to cause Carmilla to laugh and roll her eyes. “I was trying to prove a point about sex being fun, but you had to ruin it by not being ticklish. I suppose I’ll have to make due by being especially witty.” 

“I think that might be asking too much.”

"Very funny." Carmilla regarded her for a few seconds and asked, "Is this what you want?"

"You, who might be the sexiest person on the planet is lying naked on top of me. Trust me when I say that this is the best thing that has ever happened. Thank you, though. For caring." 

“You haven’t come yet; you might want to hold off on the appreciation.”

"Uh, once again you are naked, and I’m pretty sure that could happen at any second,” Laura said, laughing. “But, I was thanking you for making me feel at ease. And I like seeing this side of you. Silly, it’s, I don't know. Unexpected.”

"We don’t have to do—”

Laura cut her off with a swift kiss. “Don’t say it. I want to; it’s just, do you think…”

“Tell me.”

“I want to touch you first.” Laura's eyes were wide as if she couldn't believe she'd revealed this truth.

The fire, still burning strong, crackled behind them and provided the only sound in their tiny cave. Careful not to bang Laura’s head on the shallow ceiling, Carmilla rolled them over and chuckled at her shocked expression. 

Kneeling between Carmilla’s spread legs, Laura reverently mapped out the contours of her prominent collarbone before flitting to her breast. Her hands covered them, and her thumbs circled Carmilla's nipples making them swell and harden. Laura smiled—not even the slightest bit shy—and asked, “What should I do?” 

“I'd love to feel your mouth. Your tongue.” 

If light bulbs were still a thing, one would’ve lit up above Laura’s head. Her tongue poked out and ran along the length of her bottom lip. It was an anxious gesture, but to Carmilla’s eyes, it also seemed to be an erotic promise of things to come. Laura rushed to follow the suggestion, inching her body down until her head was level with Carmilla’s breasts. Without asking for further instruction, Laura circled Carmilla’s areola with her tongue and then enveloped the nipple into her mouth. 

Closing her eyes, Carmilla dropped her head to the ground and let herself get lost in the sensations provided by the hot wet mouth. Holy fuck, and what a mouth it was. What Laura lacked in skill, she more than made up for in enthusiasm. Carmilla tangled her fingers in Laura’s hair and held her in place before coaxing her over to her other breast. “Use your teeth, too much. Yes, yes, like that. _Fuck._ ” 

Evidently ready to move onto the next lesson, Laura reluctantly pulled her swollen lips away and worked her way down Carmilla’s body. She shamelessly spread herself for Laura’s examination because if there was one thing Carmilla was certain of, it was her unearthly beauty. She’d been an attractive girl in life, but undeath had granted her a supernatural allure, as it did all vampires. Thus, there was little doubt in her mind that Laura would be pleased by what she saw.

Laura’s fingers ghosted down Carmilla’s body until she reached downy curls. The muscles in Carmilla’s abdomen fluttered—and how ridiculous was it for a three-century-old vampire to have butterflies in her stomach?

“I'm going to show you how I like to be touched,” Carmilla said before licking two of her fingers. She slid her tongue over and around them in an erotic show; it was hot, Laura watching her with such rapt attention. 

She spread her labia apart, allowing Laura a brief perusal, before skirting around her clit and using her slickened fingers to circle her entrance. Unlike some women, Carmilla wasn’t adverse to having her clitoris touched immediately, but this was about the journey. In this darkened crevice, the fire didn't provide an ideal source of light, but Laura seemed fascinated and never broached a complaint.

“You look like you want to take notes,” Carmilla said, chuckling when Laura lowered herself to eye level with her vagina.

“Trust me, I would if I hadn’t lost my journal,” Laura murmured, wistful. “Would it be okay if I…?” The question was there, but she didn’t wait for answer. Her fingers joined Carmilla’s, feathering over her pubic hair before venturing lower to glistening folds.

Such a small thing, hardly even a caress, but her touch was divine. Carmilla’s breath hitched, and her eyes closed in an effort to block out one sense and focus on a myriad of others. Laura’s hand joined hers, then replaced it as she eased her fingers inside. Tiny gasps of wonder and excitement escaped Laura’s mouth. Eventually, her strong arms found a smooth and steady rhythm. 

Carmilla’s orgasm came quickly and shot through her with blinding intensity. The combination of not having orgasmed at another's hand in more than a decade and of Laura being… Laura made holding out an impossibility. Her walls clenched at those wondrous fingers that seemed to instinctively know exactly where and how Carmilla needed to be touched. When she recovered, Carmilla smiled at Laura who crawled up her body to share a kiss. 

“That was amazing. I want to do it again. Right now,” Laura declared, wide-eyed. 

Carmilla kissed her again. “You’re getting good at that,” she said, her hands straying lower until they cupped Laura’s well-muscled ass. “And yes, we can do it again. And again.”

Their bodies moved together, with Laura’s thigh sliding perfectly between her spread legs. Carmilla dug the short nails of one hand into Laura’s backside and lifted her leg up to give additional purchase to grind against. Her other arm held Laura close while she whispered a play by play of every naughty fantasy that she wanted to do into her ear. A flood of arousal coated her thigh in response.

Initially, Laura lay flat on top of her, but as the pace of her hips increased, she rose—planting her hands on Carmilla’s breasts and began rapidly jogging her hips in a sprint to reach the metaphorical finish line. She hissed in pain as a jagged rock from the low ceiling cut into her shoulder, but the pain didn't slow Laura’s frenzied motions. If anything, the sting from the scrape brought her closer to the edge. 

The fire crackled and with the distinctive scent of smoke and sex wafting in the air, Carmilla had a jarring epiphany. Never in all her centuries of life had she been so connected and in tune with another person. 

She loved Laura and accepted it as the truest thing in her life. How had it happened? From the beginning, she’d subconsciously recognized the threat, and tried, but hadn’t been able to guard herself against this tiny slip of a girl.

“Carm—I—oh.” Laura’s voice broke into choked sobs, and the sweat—glistened muscles in her shoulders and abdomen tensed and were, for a few seconds, ultra-defined. 

Carmilla helped her ride it out with gentle words and tender caresses. “Shhhh, you’re beautiful.” Sexy, brilliant, golden, cherished. A string of complimentary descriptors ran through her thoughts. Would it always be this way? These overwhelming feelings of swirling lust and warm affection?

Eventually, Laura sighed and collapsed in a heap. She tucked her face into Carmilla’s neck and said, “I really like your boobs.” 

“Glad you approve. And you’re more than welcome to revisit them whenever you like. But for right now, I think perhaps it’s my turn.” The positioning was tricky, but soon Laura was on her back, and Carmilla was bent in half over her. She almost smiled when, after the first touch of her tongue to Laura’s clit, two thighs clamped around her head. 

* * *

“I’m sorry you had to go back down there to get more water,” Laura said, not sounding apologetic at all. In fact, she was grinning at Carmilla while using a clean rag to wipe the sweat and sex from her body. 

“You enjoyed yourself?” Carmilla asked.

“This is the single greatest night of my life,” Laura said before spontaneously leaning forward and kissing Carmilla’s cheek. “Promise me we will do this every day. Promise.” 

“That might prove difficult once we are in enemy territory.”

“Yeah, about that.” Laura ducked her head and drew in a breath. “I’m sorry that I’ve dragged you into this. It seems like every other day you are forced to defend me or kill people, and I never wanted that. When we met, I thought you would be a good pet." She wrinkled her nose. "I mean I thought you were a panther and tame, which, by the way, now just seems absurd. But then you were a vampire and kind of scary, but not really. You were just more. More than me, some girl who stumbled into your life. More than anyone I’ve ever met. I was in awe of you. And then finding out that you wanted me. _Me?_ ” 

“Laura. Haven’t you figured out yet that I would follow you anywhere? To the ends of the earth, through fire and hell if need be. I’m not more than you or anyone else, cupcake. I’m just yours.” Carmilla shrugged, unable to find more eloquent words to express herself.

“I know. I know you would, and that terrifies me because what happens if you die? I’ve found you, and I’m terrified you’re going to think you have to—” Laura drew in a shuddering breath. “Carm, please promise me that you won’t do anything crazy.”

“You might want to remember that it’s _you_ who has a knack for running into chaos,” Carmilla replied, pulling Laura into her arms as she lay down. “Have I mentioned that I had never been shot until I met you? Not once. Centuries without a single bullet.”

Laura huffed. “At least half of them are your own fault. I mean you did jump into the middle of the camp.”

“No, you were the one who tripped and set off an alarm.”

“It wasn’t an alarm, and they probably wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t gone all berserker mode.”

“I only did that—” Any further argument was cut off by a lazy kiss. Laura really was a quick study. Carmilla couldn’t wait to explore what other talents that mouth possessed. That adventure would come another night. In the meantime, she intended to enjoy this newfound closeness. Tomorrow and the days after promised to be gruelling, and she couldn’t help but worry that their lead for Laura’s mother was tenuous at best. They needed a plan and couldn’t afford any more mistakes. Not if vampires were involved. 

“Are you brooding?”

“Hmmm? No. Go to sleep.” 

“Carm, I was wondering something.”

“Somehow I think I’m going to regret asking, but what’s on your mind?”

Laura lifted her head off of Carmilla’s shoulder and smiled, more asleep than awake. “You tried to tickle me earlier. I was wondering if vampires are ticklish?”

“Cupcake, I swear that I will rip your throat out and drain you dry if you try it.” The only answer Carmilla received was drowsy laughter and the tightening of arms that wrapped around her waist. 

* * *

_Sometimes I listen to people talk about the past. Usually, they reminisce about food, but mostly their memories seem like they are an impossible fairy tale. My memories of that time are hazier and dreamlike. Blue skies and love and unbridled joy. As I get older, I realize that the world isn’t like that. It probably never really was. People talk about that world like it was a perfect place where nobody was sad, or hungry, or abused. They talk like that world was a happy ending that is lost forever. I can’t believe that is true. I won’t. A perfect world is impossible, but a better one can be had. I don’t know what happiness looks like, but I have to believe that it’s out there. That there is something to live for. Someone to live for._

_I’m tired of losing people. My Dad. My friends. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on caring about others. The difference now is that I won’t let anyone else go. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe. I’ll die before I ever let someone else get taken from me._

Carmilla closed the journal and hid it back inside her jacket. She’d spent the last hour perusing its contents and she became more and more amazed at Laura’s ability to be carefree one minute while intensely focused the next. 

Dawn would rise soon and with it came the familiar ache in her bones to shift into panther form. As quietly as possible, she gathered her things, including the long knives she’d taken from the brute last night. Kukri, Laura called them. She liked the heft of the blades in her hands and suspected that with a strong enough strike, one might be able to behead a vampire. 

Beside her, Laura slept. Peaceful. Carmilla would let her rest as long as possible. In a few hours, they’d walk into hell, and she had no idea how they’d survive.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it's been a while. My father-in-law passed away and I really was feeling a lack of motivation. I'm back now, though!

“It’s bigger than I imagined.”

Carmilla sat on her haunches and silently agreed. Her tail flicked back and forth in agitation. The last time she stepped foot in a city had been more than a decade ago. This one looked like it had been the victim of a slaughter. Gutted buildings stretched around them for miles and vegetation had long ago started a war it would undoubtedly win against the concrete jungle. Most of the nearby structures were overgrown and covered in weeds. A few small animals skittered about, but other than that she couldn’t spot any movement.

“We aren't on the side of the city where the slaver told us the Factory is located. Problem is, I'm not sure we can find it even if we get there," Laura said, sighing. "Shouldn’t there be more Infected? Do you get the feeling that someone is watching us? Not Infected, but maybe humans?” Her fingers ran absently through the scruff at the base of Carmilla’s neck. 

They’d already killed a dozen on the way here, but it was a fair question. Several desiccated corpses littered the ground, some fresh, others old enough to be skeletal, but Carmilla had expected a significantly larger presence. Possibly a hoard. Even so, the stench of rot and decay permeated the air, and there was no doubt in her mind that this place was populated. The only question was whether it was humans or vampires who were responsible for the eradication. She wasn’t sure which was worse. Carmilla rumbled softly to gain Laura’s attention and motioned with her head to the top of a few skyscrapers. Above them, makeshift bridges across the rooftops connected multiple buildings. 

“Yeah, I see,” Laura said. She stared at some of the buildings, specifically the windows. After a moment she walked over and knelt near a few of the fresher corpses. Using her knife, Laura poked at them and said, “Single bullet to the head for each one. I'm guessing a sniper did this. Which means they probably have eyes on us, so, if we don’t want to join these guys, we should act as non-threatening as possible.”

Non-threatening? Was she serious? It’s not like Carmilla could magically stop being an over-sized panther. Additionally, this place felt dangerous. The fine hairs on her back stood on end, and Carmilla had to fight the urge to growl. 

There had been only one entrance leading into the city as nearly every other way inside had been blocked off by junked vehicles and crumbled debris. This deliberate attempt to herd travelers acted as an effective deterrent for those who weren’t resolute. Unfortunately, Laura Hollis was nothing if not tenacious.

Laura scanned the top of the skyscrapers—probably hoping to catch sight of a sniper and without looking at Carmilla, said, “You’re wearing your grumpy panther face which I’m guessing means you know we’re not turning back. There’s a chance these people are like the others we’ve run into, but there’s a chance they’re different too, right? I'm reasonably certain that this group isn’t with the slavers. We need directions to find the Factory. I think we have to risk it cause turning back isn't an option. But hey, good news! We won’t have to fight through hundreds of infected, right?” 

On another day, Laura might have been nipped for that comment, but the crushing weariness in her tone caught Carmilla's attention. She rubbed her head against Laura's leg, an encouragement to start moving. All the nearby buildings were solidly boarded up which would prevent those coming this way from seeking refuge within their walls. These people wanted you out in the open. As targets. That explained the bodies at the entrance; they were seen as immediate threats and dealt with accordingly. She assumed that while a four hundred pound pather was a threat, they didn't shoot out of curiosity. 

Speaking of "them," Carmilla smelled the humans before she heard them. At least a few dozen. She growled low and menacing, but Laura had sensed something amiss as well. However, the second she reached for the rifle on her shoulder, a loud crack sounded in the air, and a bullet pierced the ground near Laura’s foot. A warning shot.

“Put your weapons down. No sudden movements or we’ll shoot,” a female voice called out from a speaker attached to one of the walls. A second passed, and she added, “That goes for the panther too.”

Oh, joy. Again with the shooting. Carmilla yawned and stretched out on the ground. Laura, oddly enough, didn’t appear nervous; she exuded the absolute calm of a person committed to the choices they’d made. Carmilla couldn’t help but worry that, in the search for her mother, Laura had arrived at a point of desperation so profound that she’d lost all sense of self-preservation in regards to her safety. And as for her own survival, Carmilla suspected that, in Laura’s eyes, she’d proved herself to be a little too capable of sustaining damage. Therein, at least she’d have a chance at survival.

One by one, Laura set her weapons on the ground before stepping away and holding her hands in the air. “We’re not here to fight.”

After a moment, a woman with light brown skin and curled black hair emerged from a nondescript door. Despite the sternness of the woman’s expression, she was quite attractive, and not even her scowl could hide the dimples on either side of her cheeks. Four men holding rifles at the ready followed behind her. They seemed disciplined, not necessarily as soldiers, but as people who were accustomed to working to together. 

“Not here to fight,” the woman said dryly. She didn’t appear to be much older than Laura but carried herself with confidence. Unlike the men, she only carried a crossbow, but Carmilla had a feeling that she was capable of using it with lethal precision. “That’s interesting because nobody comes to this place,” she gestured to the city as a whole, “unless they are looking for a fight. But, let’s say I believe you. What makes you think we won’t kill you and take your shit anyway?”

Laura shrugged as if the answer were obvious and when she spoke, she made no effort to hide her fatigue. Shoulders slumped, she said, “We couldn't stop you, and I think if you were going to do that, you would’ve. I took a chance that the warnings on the way here meant you aren’t with the slavers. They are all about ambushes and traps. I’m not sure what your operation here is about, but you’re not them.” For a moment she dared to look away as if the men pointing weapons at her were a lesser threat than the weight of her mission. “I need help and don’t have time to spend weeks scavenging the city.”

Warily, the woman eyed Carmilla who yawned and licked her chops. Clearly, the panther was a puzzle she hadn’t yet solved. Addressing Laura, she said, “I admit that I’m curious enough to wonder what it is you’re after.”

“We’re trying to find the Factory. I know the general direction, but this place is bigger than I expected.”

A few of the men muttered curses, but the woman held up a hand to silence them. She softened and eased up on her adversarial stance. “Who’d they take, kid? Best friend? A relative? Lover? I hate to break this to you, but I guarantee that whoever they are, they’re dead. And I doubt they'd want you throwing your life away.”

Laura stiffened, seemingly caught somewhere between outrage and despair. She fearlessly stepped forward into the woman’s space. “How can you be so callous? The people who were taken are my friends, my m-please point me in the right direction, and we’ll be on our way.”

“Not a chance. Sorry kid, I’m not sending you or anyone else into a vampire den. It's suicide. I will feed you, though. Give you a place to rest tonight. Tomorrow you can go home. If you want to stay, then that's an entirely different discussion.”

Carmilla’s eyes were glued to Laura, and even though her back was turned away, she could almost sense the gamut of emotions rippling in waves off of her. Frustration. Anger. Helplessness. 

“Right, okay. I appreciate the place to rest but, will you at least tell me what is going on here? Who are you people?”

“Yeah, I can help with that. My name’s Mel. Leave your things here; my people will bring them along shortly. And yeah, before you ask, we are going to go through your pack.” 

Nodding, Laura didn’t offer any objections. “I’m Laura, and this is Carmilla…my cat.” She held her hand out for Carmilla who climbed to her feet and padded over to rub against the side of Laura’s leg. She may or may not have scent marked her. Couldn’t be too careful.

Mel raised a dubious eyebrow and said, “I think our people would be more comfortable if your…cat slept outside.”

Carmilla had zero intention of letting these dimwits separate them. She believed that this group didn’t have any affiliation with any of the assholes they’d met along the way, but that didn’t mean she trusted them either. The low, rumbling growl she released startled the soldiers, but Laura quieted her by petting around the base of her ears.

“What? No,” Laura said, hurriedly. “I promise, she won’t hurt anyone as long as they aren’t a threat to us. Seriously, she’s sweet. Tame even.” A pause, then, “She does tricks.”

“Tricks?” One of the men asked, lowering his rifle. 

Seeing their evident interest, Laura seized the opportunity and doubled down on her assertion. “Oh yes. Here, I’ll show you.” Turning to face Carmilla, she said, “Carm, roll over.” 

And then they were embroiled in a battle of wills reminiscent of the ones she’d had with Mother. Self-respect demanded that she stop letting Laura have her way with everything. Unfortunately, her self-respect was Laura’s bitch. Those eyes, so soft and imploring combined with an ever so slight upturn of Laura’s lips and Carmilla didn’t stand a chance. Shit.

Carmilla continued glaring in Laura’s direction as she rolled onto her back. 

“See?” Laura said, triumphant. “Totally safe. She’s a gentle panther who would never murder anyone for putting her in an undignified position.”

Mel sighed and said, “I can't believe I'm saying this, but fine, she can come. Might be fun seeing people lose their shit but if she twitches the wrong way, but I _will_ shoot a crossbow bolt into her skull.”

They traveled through a long hallway of an old apartment building. The doors of the apartments had been removed, and many were filled with collected debris that could be used to reinforce some of the barricades leading to the base. Beyond that, several of the rooms were lined with bedrolls and scattered among them were a dozen or so slumbering men and women. Each slept with a rifle by their side, and the few who were awake watched Laura and Carmilla with a mixture of wariness and curiosity.

It was obvious that Laura was dying to ask questions but somehow managed to restrain herself as Mel escorted them through another door which opened into a completely enclosed courtyard. Surrounded on all four sides by high-rises, this small park spanned the length of a football field and had likely once served as a refuge for the wealthy and privileged. People smiled and laughed as they tended gardens or worked on general carpentry while a few children played together. There was a remarkable sense of community among these people.

However, when people noticed Carmilla, they immediately stopped what they were doing and regarded her with alarmed interest. One woman yelped and dropped a tray of vegetables she’d been carrying. Unconcerned, Mel continued on into another building and down some winding hallways. Eventually, they ended up in a large room that served as a dining hall. Dozens of eyes were glued to Carmilla as she and Laura followed Mel to a table with mismatched chairs. 

The floors and walls were scrubbed clean, and it was evident that the people who lived here took pride in this place. Against all odds, they had created a home here.

“Sit,” Mel said and held out a chair for Laura who smiled and offered her thanks. Almost immediately a young woman appeared with a few bowls of soup for each of them. 

“Thanks,” Laura said. She tore off a hunk of her bread and offered it to Carmilla.

Carmilla listened as Laura talked amicably with Mel about a variety of topics, but namely the quest for her mother. Although, she wisely left out any details involving Carmilla’s true nature. 

Eventually, after patiently listening to Laura’s story, Mel sighed. “Look, I’m not trying to be an ass, but we aren’t even remotely close to eradicating the vampire threat in this city. They hold the entire north end. Give us a year, and maybe.” She stared at Laura for several seconds before adding, “I’m sorry about your mom. Different circumstances and you’d have a few allies helping you storm the castle.”

“I’m not asking for help; Carm and I can handle it. We only need to know where to go.”

Mel’s chair scraped the floor as she abruptly stood up. Before she left, she said, “Sorry kid. No can do. Our only chance of surviving in these circumstances is to fight the battles that are winnable. I won’t have your death on my conscience. Eat as much as you want. When you’re done eating, someone will show you to a room. And like I said earlier, if you want to talk about staying, I'd be open to the discussion.” 

Carmilla shared a glance with Laura once Mel left. They weren’t alone long, though. One of the soldiers who they’d seen outside approached holding two bowls. 

“Hey, so uh, I was wondering if it would be okay if I fed your cat?” 

Laura choked back laughter and nodded her permission. 

Grinning, he set both bowls on the ground and inched them closer to Carmilla. She thought about biting his outstretched hands, but Laura must’ve sensed this because she reached down and scratched at the sensitive place next to Carmilla’s ear. Rather than nip him, she leaned against Laura’s leg. 

“Why don’t you join us,” Laura suggested and motioned to the chair opposite her.

He grinned widely and said, “Thanks. I'm Kirsch, and you’re Laura. I was hoping that maybe you could tell me how to get my own panther. I was trying to convince Mel that we could train an army of cougars to help us, but she started threatening to murder me if I didn’t stop asking. But like they could be stealthy, and if we made armor for them they could be warrior cats, you know? I had no idea that I should have been asking about panthers. Do you think it’s the black fur that makes them tamable?”

Smiling, Laura said, “No, I think Carmilla is unique. I’d suggest skirting the panther idea.” 

Crestfallen, he mumbled under his breath but remained seated. 

“Hey, Kirsh, can you tell me a little bit more about the home you’re making here? We barely saw more than a few Infected on our way in.”

“Oh yeah, sure. This place is pretty cool, right? As for the Infected, that’s all Mel. A while back, she got a few groups organized, and we started clearing out the infected. Took us a few months, but we managed to get rid of most.”

“How?”

Kirsch tore off a chunk of his bread and dipped it into the bowl of soup he was eating from. “Mostly fire at first. We torched a good portion of the city. After that, we used munitions to take down a few of the buildings which acts like a wall separating us from the zombies. Mel said we were herding them, but I thought you needed a dog to do that.” 

They learned that Mel and several of the others here had belonged to a group of settlers up north. They eventually grew frustrated with some of the decisions the leaders of that village made and branched out on their own. Over time stragglers and people rescued from slavers had been recruited and now they were a thriving community. 

“What about the vampires?” Laura asked. “You’ve herded most of the Infected, and I imagine that the slavers avoid you, but what about the vampires? How do you keep them out?”

Carmilla perked up at this because she suspected that Laura let this buffoon talk himself into circles for this particular reason. 

Surprisingly, though, he didn’t have much to offer, though. If anything, it seemed as if his enthusiasm wilted completely. When he spoke, the crack in his voice was unmistakable. “Yeah, they are really pesky. We lost some people. It sucked.”

Reaching across the table, Laura wrapped her hands around his larger ones. “I’m sorry Kirsch. Who did you lose?”

“Her name was SJ. We didn’t really know each other well, but I dunno,” he shrugged, smiling wanly, “it felt like something to me. Like what we had could be important, you know? She laughed at my jokes and was so pretty I thought my heart would explode every time I saw her.”

Laura briefly chewed on her lower lip before saying, “Yeah, I know. Kirsch, I have a favor to ask. They took someone from me too, and I’m trying to get her back. Help me. I need to know where they took her.”

Eyes wide, Kirsch groaned and said, “Dude, Mel would kill me.”

“She doesn’t have to know. All I’m asking is for a location. Kirsch, they _have_ my mom. If you don’t tell me, I’m going to leave here and go searching until I find this place. The only chance I have of finding her soon is if someone helps me. Please. _Please._ ”

Unsurprisingly, this tactic worked. Carmilla could hardly fault the guy. Like Carmilla, Kirsch couldn’t resist those soulful desperate eyes. She didn’t particularly like the way he was staring at Laura—as if she were hope and possibility delivered in the form of a girl who looked like apple pie. Considering the way he blathered on about this other girl, she doubted he had any romantic designs, but as a precaution, Carmilla rubbed her scent on Laura’s arm and leg once more.

Afterward, she zoned out of the conversation and turned her attention to other people in the room. There were a few children who apparently wanted to investigate the newcomers and would have if not for their parents who had no intention of letting that happen. She entertained herself—and the children—by cleaning her paws in the most exaggerated and intimidating way possible. 

Once Laura finished her dinner, Kirsh led them up a few flights of stairs to a room which he unlocked with a key. In a too loud voice that echoed down the hallway, he said, “I’m sorry about this, but Mel told me to lock you guys in. Like, I’m sure you’re cool and all, but we have to be careful you know.” He offered an apologetic shrug.

“I understand,” Laura replied and stepped through the doorway. Inside, there was a bed that had seen better days but was clean enough. An old milk jug filled with water sat on a table beside the bed. Thick wooden planks were nailed into the wall on either side of the room’s only window. A precaution to prevent escape or to stop unwanted entry? 

“So uh, before I go, does your pet need to like go potty or uh, use a litter box?” Kirsch asked as he shifted nervously from foot to foot.

Killing the idiot would be detrimental to their continued survival, but Carmilla was sorely tempted to take a nibble out of the boy. Instead, she growled and herded him out into the hallway. With a quick swat of her paw, she slammed the door. Seconds later and a lock clicked. That was fine because they were finally alone. Laura exhaled and stretched her shoulders. 

“Okay, so we might be prisoners, but I don’t think so. I got a good feeling about Mel. I wish she would help. I’m going to try again in the morning when they let us out,” Laura said with a tired smile. “Hey, why don’t you change back? I think we’ll probably be safe to talk for a little while. Hey, Carm, um what are you doing?”

Carmilla crouched low and slowly stalked close until only a few feet separated them. To her credit, Laura seemed more confused than scared. Nor did she back away. Leaping forward, Carmilla pounced and tackled her to the ground. She rested the bulk of her weight on Laura’s body and proceeded to lick her from the base of her neck to the top of her forehead. Repeatedly.

“What. Are. You. Doing?” Laura gasped as she turned her head away and pushed fruitlessly at Carmilla’s muscular shoulders. “Oh my god, this is revenge for me making you do tricks?”

Oh yes. She softly growled an affirmative and swiped her tongue over Laura’s nose. 

“Gross.”

“Oh?” Carmilla said after materializing back into her human form. Laura’s body was an oasis of warmth beneath her own. “I thought you liked it when I kissed you.”

“Yeah, when _you_ kiss me. Not cat you.” A small smile tugged at Laura’s lips, but couldn’t overshadow the dark circles around her eyes or the tense set of her jaw. Still, when she spoke again, there was a hint of levity in her tone. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something…” she trailed off.

“What’s that?”

“Where do your clothes go when you change into a panther?”

“That’s what you want to know?” Carmilla asked. She nuzzled her mouth against Laura’s neck, tasting the sweetness of her skin. This wasn’t the time or place for intimacy, but the urge to reconnect was nearly overwhelming.

Laura’s fingers threaded through Carmilla's hair and tugged until she relented and brought their mouths together. When they parted, she said, “I do. I mean, do you have some kind of panther marsupial pouch where all of your belongings go?”

“You’re ridiculous. But to answer your question, I have no idea. Does it matter?”

“No, I suppose not. But if your clothes and pack go with you when you change, I wonder if other things could too.”

Smirking, Carmilla asked, “Do you have anything in mind? Something illicit?”

Laura smiled in return. “No. I’m just distracting myself from thinking about tomorrow. I feel like we should be out there right now trying to find her. Instead, we are waiting around.”

Carmilla stood up and pulled Laura on to the bed. A feeling of contentment ran through her when without prompting, Laura crawled forward and leaned against Carmilla’s front. “Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but I don’t think that Mel chick is going to bend. Seems like she runs a tight ship and I guess to keep people like that idiot puppy alive, you’d have to.”

“She reminds me of you.”

“You mean the way that I give in to all of your crazy ideas?”

“No,” Laura said and twisted until she could meet Carmilla’s candlelit gaze. “Is that how you see it? That I’m pushing you around?”

Carmilla kissed her nose and began kneading her fingers into the stiff muscles of Laura’s shoulders. She sighed. “No. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

“Carm, she reminds me of you because you both have these angry, rough personas but you both obviously care more than you try to let on. That’s all.”

A small part of Carmilla thought that she should correct this train of thought, but her instincts pulled her in another direction. “Do you wish you were with someone like her?”

“Like her?” Laura asked, drawing each word out. 

“Uncomplicated. Human.”

“No, because I can’t imagine ever wanting to be with someone else. You fill up the empty holes inside me.”

Carmilla choked back a laugh. “Well, yes, I did do that last night. Multiple times in fact.” She snatched Laura’s hand before it could slap her leg and kissed her knuckles. Finally, after their mutual amusement faded, she said, “You do that for me too, you know, fill the emptiness.”

Long seconds of silence passed before Laura said, “About that. The emptiness. There’s something I should tell you.” 

The blood, she was talking about the blood. And truthfully? Carmilla had almost let herself forget. Forcing herself to relax, she stroked Laura's hair and murmured, “Tell me.”

“I started feeling off earlier this morning when we woke up. Tired and run down, I guess, and it got worse as the day went on.” She blew out a breath and continued, “And there is this weird insatiable urge to please you.”

“And that is why you told everyone that I’d do tricks?”

A short burst of laughter bubbled past Laura’s lips. “What can I say? People pleasing felt wrong, so I doubled down on stubborn.” 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less. I guess you are wondering what happens next.”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“There are options, neither of them great. I can give you a few drops of blood now, and that should make you feel better. Replenish that energetic high you felt from the first time. Strangely enough, it works similarly for vampires when we consume human blood. I start out great, and after a few weeks it fades, and I begin to weaken and need to feed again. If I have to recover from, say, bullet wounds, or other injuries I might be forced to feed sooner. I’m not completely sure, but it likely it will work the same for you.” Carmilla said. 

“What happens if you wait? What happens if I wait?”

“Like any addiction, the withdrawal will drive you to madness. Except, there is no detoxing from this. Your symptoms will get worse and worse until you’re racked with fever, and your blood will feel like it is boiling you alive. It won’t kill you, but it’s not a kind fate, this hunger.”

“Oh.”

Carmilla felt gratified that Laura didn’t pull away. “You understand that we have to do this right? Please tell me you understand.”

“I do, it’s just that the reality of it is beginning to sink in.” Laura flipped over and knelt on her knees in front of Carmilla. “So what do we do?”

The trust in her gaze made Carmilla's heart ache. Slowly, as if she were approaching a skittish animal, Carmilla reached out and gently grasped Laura’s wrist. She maintained eye contact as she placed a kiss against the soft flesh there. Laura didn't flinch at the flash of fang or even when it's razor sharp edge sliced a once inch cut along the delicate skin. Carmilla couldn’t help but swipe her tongue over the drop of blood welling at the wound. A second later she pierced her thumb and applied pressure to it until a thick drop of black blood rose to the surface. 

Their blood combined, swirling together until the black tainted the red like ink flowing into clear water. The sight sickened Carmilla even as Laura’s flesh knitted back together. Time stood still, barely moving a glacial pace while she waited for some reaction to this treatment, this bastardized cure. Laura’s head lolled against her chest, and Carmilla was forced to catch and cradle her limp body as it fell to the bed.

“Laura?” Somewhere in the background, she recognized a light tapping which was then followed by a click and a light swish as the door swung open.

“Hello? Hey, um, it’s me? Kirsh.”

Carmilla’s head popped up, and she spotted Kirsch coming through the entrance way. Fuck.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Factory

Kirsch blinked at Carmilla for a few seconds and said, “Whoa. I swear a second ago you were a girl. A really hot one. Oh, is Laura okay?” 

Carmilla huffed a grateful sigh of relief that this moron wasn't playing with a full deck. In his arms, Kirsch carried all of Laura’s belongings in a bundled heap. Additionally, strapped to his back, in a worn leather makeshift harness, was a barbed wire covered baseball bat. More practical was the gun in a holster at his waist.

Kirsch set Laura’s things down on the ground and took slow, cautious steps to the bed. He held his hands out and said, “Hey there, pretty kitty. Who’s a good kitty? Who’s a happy kitty? Meow, meow.” His focus was on Laura, however, and concern shone in his expression. “I’m just going to make sure she’s okay. Like please don’t bite me.”

He knelt beside the bed and placed two fingers at the pulse point on Laura's neck. Carmilla didn’t like seeing someone else touch her. Even someone with good intentions. Laura belonged to her, and no one, especially not this boy, would be allowed to touch her. Snarling, Carmilla crouched over Laura’s prone body and was pleased when he quickly snatched his hand away. 

Below her, Laura stirred then laughed once she took in her compromised position. “Hey Carm, why are you a panther?”

“Uh, is she sometimes not a panther?”

Laura rolled her head to the side and squinted at Kirsch who had backed away. She blinked in confusion and pushed at Carmilla who reluctantly crawled off of her. “Hey, Kirsch. What are you doing here?”

Kirsch’s brows furrowed and he seemed to want to ask a follow-up question he couldn’t put words to. Eventually, he motioned to Laura’s belongings and said, “I was thinking about what you said, and uh, I want to help find your person.” 

“My mom,” Laura blurted and then once his statement settled in, asked, “Really?” She glanced at Carmilla as if asking for an opinion. She subtly shook her head, but even as her disapproval was acknowledged, Laura continued, “You’ll show us the way there? Mel is okay with that?”

“Uh, no, not really. We’ll have to be sneaky, like ninjas. I mean, if we can find your person, then maybe we can find SJ too, you know? Mel says it’s been too long, but I can’t give up hope. So if I help you and you help me, then we can like save your mom and SJ and then, yeah, we’ll be heroes.”

“Is it far?”

Smiling widely, Kirsch pulled a large frayed city map out of his backpack. After unfolding it, he presented the map to Laura like it was an engagement ring. The paper was flimsy, and, in some places held together by pieces of old tape. In red marker, several points of interest were circled with handwritten descriptions beneath them. “Not too far.” 

Carmilla nudged Laura’s shoulder. She couldn’t allow this to go any further, but it took less than five seconds of eye contact to know that Laura had already made up her mind. Five seconds to recognize the single-minded obsession that drove Laura to make one rash decision after another. Five seconds until Laura broke away with guilt coloring her expression because she absolutely knew that Carmilla would disapprove. Dammit, this promised to be the latest in a long line of terrible ideas. 

Kirsch, oblivious to the tension between them, placed the map on the floor and pointed to a big red X. “Okay, this is us.”

Before he could indicate their destination, though, Carmilla jumped off the bed and plopped down on top of the map.

“Oh, real mature Carm. Come on, don’t be ridiculous. This is the chance we’ve been hoping for,” Laura said. A mixture of exasperation and urgency made her words come out in a hurried jumble.

“Whoa, I can’t believe panthers do that too. We have cats around here that love to lie down on top of stuff. I bet yours was just waiting for a big enough piece of paper. I wonder if she likes boxes too?” Kirsch laughed good-naturedly and said, “No worries, I have another one. It's smaller, though.” 

He handed it to Laura who threw an anxious, yet somewhat triumphant look in Carmilla’s direction. She examined the map and asked, “Okay, so where are we on this?”

Kirsch leaned over Laura’s shoulder. “Right here. And the red ‘X’ is where the Factory is.”

Laura nodded. “Okay, and do these marks indicate barricades? Where the Infected are confined?”

"Yeah, you got it."

Suddenly Carmilla found herself on the outs, forced to watch as they whispered and schemed. Which was fine. She didn’t want to be involved in fruitless planning anyway. And really, there wasn’t any need to worry about them accomplishing much. Laura might be capable, but Kirsch was an idiot. No, at this rate, these two would be here a week before they managed to come up with any kind of plan. Contented with this realization, Carmilla rested her head on her paws and decided this was a good time for a nap. The sound of Laura's voice calmed her.

“So, that’s it then? We’ve got a plan?” 

What? Carmilla cracked an eye and stared at them.

Bobbing his head with ridiculous exuberance, Kirsch said, “Yep. I think we are good to go. Just need to wait until the shift changes. I have a buddy who will look the other way when we sneak out.” He whispered this last part as if someone might be listening in.

Wait, what? There wasn’t a plan. Carmilla mentally replayed the last several minutes of conversation and could only recall Laura mentioning that The Factory was about a fifteen-mile hike and Kirsch saying they’d need stealth moves. Throughout this journey, she’d been aware that they didn’t have a real plan of action, but for some asinine reason, she _thought_ they would spend at least a few days scouting before they rushed headlong into a vampire den.

Laura looked at Kirsch before moving and kneeling in front of Carmilla. She swallowed loudly, and anxiety was written on her face. “I’m sorry. I know you’re mad, but this is it. We’re finally here, Carm. We’re in this together, right? Everything, together?” 

She wasn’t playing that tune a few minutes ago, but Carmilla couldn’t really fault Laura in this. Desperation had colored her mindset and her actions since before they’d met. 

Still, her annoyance at being excluded was far outweighed by her concern for Laura's wellbeing. Not for the first time, Carmilla hated being trapped in this form. Stares fraught with meaning could only communicate so much. She nudged Laura’s chin with her nose then head bumped her shoulder. Lacking the convenience of words, she tried with physical affection to ask the question foremost on her mind. 

“I’m okay,” Laura said and wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s neck. As always, her touch was a salve unlike any other. “I feel better. A little sleepy, but I think we should rest tonight and head out first thing in the morning. Kirsch says that we can sneak out a few hours before dawn.”

Carmilla kept vigil while Laura dozed fitfully, her head resting on Carmilla’s paw. Kirsch sat on the floor and watched them for a while until finally he too fell asleep. 

There wasn’t anything to like about this plan and the more she thought about it, the more Carmilla realized that they had been sprinting toward this moment for weeks. Never once had they talked about what they would do when they reached the city or the Factory. Nor how they would somehow fight several vampires when they were often nearly overmatched against humans. They hadn’t talked about any of this, and Carmilla had to wonder if it was because they both knew how this might end. 

The hours passed slowly, and Carmilla spent the time thinking about what a future with Laura might have looked like had they lived in a different world, a different time. She’d like to think that in any reality she would’ve been drawn to Laura’s impetuous nature and her undeniable drive. Carmilla didn’t know what kind of future they had, or if they had one at all, but she was determined to see them survive this. 

They waited until a few hours before dawn to make their escape. He led them through sparsely populated hallways, and somehow they managed to reach their destination without notice or alarm. As promised, the lone person guarding the door purposely looked away as they skirted through the entrance.

“Okay, over here. I’ve got a surprise,” Kirsch said, barely keeping the excitement in his tone to minimal levels. About a hundred yards off he quickly removed a few pieces of strategically placed debris and revealed two bicycles that had seen plenty of action, but appeared to be well maintained. “We can get there in no time with these.”

Kirsch led the way with Carmilla staying as close to Laura as possible. He avoided the open streets in favor of twisting alleyways and shortcuts that threatened to be deathtraps. But other than a few starving Infected, the city was a decrepit wasteland. If not for the distant shrieks and howls of the quarantined Infected, Carmilla would’ve thought the hundred or so square miles that made up this city to be nearly abandoned. 

They traveled for about an hour before Kirsch eased them to a stop and climbed off his bike. He nodded to a nearby building. All traces of the silly buffoon had faded as he regarded them. 

“Okay, so like, the Factory is actually an old mall. The stores all had these cages that were locked at night to keep people from stealing stuff. We had a scout who was able to get inside, and they said the vamps are keeping the humans in those. Mel has sorta been planning a hit on this place for a few months. It’s super dangerous, but we figured out there are only like ten or so of them left. It’s almost daytime so most of the vampires should be sleeping right? I’m thinking that we just sneak in, find Laura’s mom and SJ then just sneak out without them seeing us.”

Laura chewed on her lip as she considered this and said, “So if they are in cages then how do we open them without being noticed?”

Oh, fuck it. With a quick check to ensure the sun hadn’t yet risen, Carmilla changed form and said, “I’m taking charge. You, idiots, are going to get us killed.”

“Carm!” Laura’s eyes widened comically, and she threw a panicked glance at Kirsch whose mouth opened and closed as he tried to comprehend what he was seeing. “Kirsch, so there is something you should know about Carmilla. She’s a-”

“Whoa, she’s a werepanther. Dude, an actual werepanther. I told Mel that if vampires were real, then werewolves should be too. And then I thought about it and like why not other animals too? There might be werebirds and weresquirrels. Who knows?” 

Carmilla blinked and said, "I don’t even know how to respond to that. Now, can we discuss how you two are going to do everything I say when we go in there?” She hadn’t intended to reveal herself to any of Mel's people as the last thing she and Laura needed was yet another group of people hunting them down. If the puppy wanted to think she was some fictional supernatural creature, then why dissuade him? Even in vampire circles, the additional abilities of Lilita Morgan’s brood wasn’t common knowledge. Perhaps his misconception would save them a headache later on. 

Besides, her plan had always been to approach this situation as a vampire. She was significantly more powerful in this form—a boon against other vampires, yes—but she’d likely need every advantage to keep Laura’s impulsive nature from raining chaos upon them. 

Kirsh looked like he had a thousand questions waiting on the tip of his tongue, but thankfully, held them in check. Perhaps the gravity of the situation was truly tempering him. Laura, on the other hand, practically thrummed with excitement and nervous energy. 

"We're working on the assumption that the captured humans are still alive. Vampires can smell blood, but your blood won’t be discernible from what they already have. They are arrogant and won’t be expecting a bunch of idiots to infiltrate their den, so we need to play it smart. Don’t speak unless necessary and watch your step. With any luck, most of them are already asleep, and we'll be able to get a sense of their layout without too much difficulty.”

“Will they be able to smell you though? Like can they smell a werepanther?”

“What happens when we find my mom? If Kirsch is right and she is locked behind a cage door, then how do we get her out without being seen or heard?”

Carmilla ignored Kirsch and focused on Laura. “Let’s find her first. We’ll deal with that when we get there. Last thing. If they see you, if you come upon one, don’t run. If, you run you are dead. If you fight, well, you’re probably still dead, but at least you’ll go down fighting.”

The sun was mere minutes from rising, so she didn’t waste any more time on pep talks. Around the corner, the former mall stood like some kind of ominous presence from an old horror movie. This was a place that manufactured death, and Carmilla wondered if that is how it earned its name. As she weaved through the abandoned vehicles in the parking lot, she observed hundreds of corpses that had been tossed into a rotting pile. On the front of the building, above the entrance, several corpses had been strung up in such a way to spell out the letters F-A-C-T-O-R-Y. As advertising went, she had to give them points for originality.

She didn’t worry about Kirsch and Laura, and instead kept her eyes focused on catching any possible movement. There was none. Within moments they were crouched at the entrance, peeking through the doors. The stench of decay was gag-inducing, but neither human showed any reaction beyond a wrinkling of their noses.

Carmilla motioned for them to stay behind her and slowly moved inside. Although she could make out pained whimpers and the forlorn cries of despair belonging to the hopeless, there were no vampires in sight. Past the entranceway, the mall opened up into three long hallways, and after staring down each of them, she followed the only one that had detectable signs of life. The first few cages were filled with nothing but the remains of corpses, most seeming long dead, but she noticed faint stirrings in the next two. Black paint covered the overhead windows making interior light almost non-existent, but she could make out the forms of a frail man in each cage. Carmilla shook her head in Laura’s direction.

“Carm,” Laura whispered. “We can’t just leave them here.”

These people were already dead; they just hadn’t taken their last breath. Rather than say as much, she pressed her lips against Laura’s temple and turned back to the task at hand. Behind her, Carmilla could make out Kirsch’s voice murmuring a few words of encouragement. She ignored this because another sound caught her attention. Laughter. It came from below. At the end of the long hallway was a broken escalator that led downstairs. 

The lower level of the mall was a sea of black, but her eyes adjusted immediately and colored the surrounding area in grayscale. Laura and Kirsch wouldn’t have the same advantage, so she went slowly, using carefully measured steps. And finally, she saw her first vampire. A female, asleep and undisturbed by the sounds of laughter coming from the other end of the mall. Carmilla sensed she was young. It took several decades for most to stay awake much past dawn and this one barely had a few years. She was sorely tempted to end her life but didn’t want to chance the possibility of being discovered. 

They sneaked passed her and two other slumbering vampires before reaching the center of the mall. A few candles perched atop what appeared to be a bloodied alter provided enough light for Laura and Kirsch to see. While the outside of the Factory had conjured up images from horror films, this visceral scene before them was something all too real—bodies impaled on the walls, some still alive, but she doubted they’d last the day. 

Laura’s distressed gasp was clue enough that she recognized one of these people. Carmilla held up her hand to quiet any further sound. Not thirty feet away a male vampire sat on a grungy couch with his arms wrapped around another man. His hold might have been affectionate if not for the fact that he was lazily snacking on his unconscious victim. And because her luck was shit, several caged humans were locked inside old stores on either side of him. 

Carmilla pointed to a hidden space near the stairs and motioned for Laura and Kirsch to stay there. They didn’t argue. A miracle. She didn’t overthink this, because if she did, Carmilla would realize that what she was about to do was insane. Perhaps Laura was rubbing off on her. Grimacing at the thought, she drew the kukri from the makeshift sheathe on her shoulders and rushed forward. Her footfalls were feathers that barely brushed the floor, but he was a vampire and consequently had superior senses. She was ten steps away, a mere breath when he spotted her. 

His relaxed expression morphed into one of alarm, but it was already too late. Carmilla knocked the dying human aside and thrust a kukri through the bottom of the vampire’s jaw. The force of her blow pushed the blade out the top of his skull. It was probably enough to ensure he wouldn’t cause any more trouble, but she didn’t take chances. A quick slice of her second blade and he was relieved of his head. The whole interaction lasted all of three seconds.

The dozen or so humans locked in the stores shrank away from her in fear. Carmilla stared at each of them looking for some identifier that would make one of the women Laura’s mom, but none shared similar features. When after a few seconds neither Kirsch nor Laura rounded the corner to catch up with her, Carmilla stood up and made her way back to where she left them. Unsurprisingly, they weren’t there. Because that would've made sense. She only hoped that the general lack of commotion meant they hadn’t been discovered.

She found them squatting outside of an old department store. She knelt beside Laura and peered inside. Inside the store, five vampires lounged on several couches that were arranged in a semi-circle. A few terrified humans sat among them while their captors sipped blood from their necks and wrists. In the center of this group stood a single vampire holding a woman in his arms. He was dressed in a tattered tuxedo, and the woman he held was dressed in a ballgown. Although, in her case, the dress was much too large for her slender frame. The other thing of note was that she wasn’t a willing participant in this dance as the vampire twirled and dragged her nearly limp body along in some bastardized version of a waltz. 

Laura’s face was an intense mask of concentration, but Kirsch’s was horrified. Carmilla followed his gaze to the girl in the arms of the dancing vampire. This must be the girl he was searching for. She couldn't remember her. Carmilla swiveled in front of him and used her body to break his line of sight. Patiently, she waited until he acknowledged her. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes as he silently begged her to do something, to be a hero and save the girl. She didn't say anything, just offered what little sympathy she could. 

After a few silent moments, he nodded. Carmilla squeezed his shoulder and climbed to her feet intent on edging back down the hallway. Raucous laughter followed in their wake. They wouldn’t be able to save that girl because there was nothing to be found in that room but death. Once again Laura grabbed her arm and prevented her from leaving. Her mouth asked a soundless “why” as she pleaded for a miracle that she had to know Carmilla couldn’t grant. 

Precious seconds passed during their standoff, but eventually, Laura broke away—her fingers lingering, then falling away as she trailed after Kirsch. Carmilla spared SJ one last look. She couldn’t figure out why she cared, but some part of her ached for the doomed girl wrapped in a vampire’s embrace. 

Kirsch and Laura waited by the stairs where they should have been hiding all along. She didn’t admonish them. Carmilla held a finger up to her lips and motioned for them to follow her. If they couldn’t save SJ or find Laura’s mother, then perhaps they could do something worthwhile. Something positive that Laura could remember and take with her. Carmilla led them to the cages near the vampire she’d killed. Once there, little effort was required to snap open the locks. She raised the metal gate as quietly as possible, but it still produced an unmistakable screeching noise. Fuck.

She held a finger to her lips. A few humans eyed her warily before crawling to their feet and making their way to the stairwell. They weren’t particularly quiet, and they had seconds at best before the commotion drew the wrong kind of attention. In spite of that, she opened the other cage but didn’t wait to direct the humans before she started heading to the exit. If they survived, great, if not, then at least she tried. Laura would appreciate that. She hoped.

The vampires sleeping at the base of the stairs began to stir—a disorienting process for most younger ones—and Carmilla intended to be well clear of them before they reached awareness. 

Except, Laura wasn’t with her. Neither of them were.

She spun around and cursed when she saw Kirsch helping some weaker humans to their feet. Across the aisle, Laura was on her knees inside the first caged area and appeared to be assisting yet another straggler. These two would be the death of her. 

Carmilla rushed to Laura’s side, and that’s when she realized that this wasn’t someone in need of help. This person was well beyond that. Dead for perhaps a day, maybe two. She must have been hidden from view behind the other captives.

A woman with hair that might have been blond had it not been caked with dirt. In death, she only had a passing resemblance to the girl who knelt at her side. Defensive cuts covered the woman’s hands and arms—wounds that were likely gained in an unsuccessful fight with the slavers. Signs of infection covered those injuries, and if she had to guess, Carmilla would assume this to be her cause of death. The vampire bite on her neck wouldn’t have helped though. 

Death wasn’t pretty. Death wasn’t a beautifully made up woman lying still in peaceful slumber. Death was ugly. A wretched horror show of putrid smells and bloated rotting flesh. None of that mattered to Laura who wrapped her arms around her mother and wept. Tears of anguish streaked down Laura’s cheeks, and her sobs cracked through the air, each one an arrow that pierced Carmilla’s soul. 

But none of this changed the fact that they were in the middle of a vampire den. 

“Laura, we can’t stay here.” Her words fell on deaf ears, however, and Carmilla moved to grab her, to whisk her away, but Kirsch beat her to it.

“Laura, oh man, I’m so sorry,” Kirsch said. He rushed to her side and wrapped a comforting arm around Laura’s shoulder. “I know this is the worst, but your mom and SJ wouldn’t want us to stay here. We have to help those other people now. You aren’t alone. You’ve got a werepanther who might like be your girlfriend? And me, like I’ll be your friend. You aren’t alone. But we have to go. Please?” 

Laura nodded and placed a palm over her mother’s heart for one eternal second then took to her feet. She didn’t bother to wipe the free-flowing tears from her eyes. “I love you, Mom.” 

A vampire rushed around the corner, intent on confronting them. His bravado lasted only long enough for him to realize that he was in the presence of a much older vampire. He came to a complete standstill and shrank away from her. She raised an eyebrow and smirked when he ran with his tail between his legs.

“Come on you two,” Carmilla snapped and waited until they ran up the stairs in front of her. She couldn't think about Laura’s pain. She couldn't think about failing her. There would be time for that later. At the top of the stairs, she saw that a few vampires had caught up with some of the humans and were freely feasting upon them. No matter. Fifty feet and they would be out. 

More vampires gave chase and Carmilla grabbed one by the arm and flung her over the guard railing. She’d be back in a few seconds, but it would buy some time to confront the others. Even as she grappled with a second vampire, another youth, a third engaged Laura. Carmilla dropped her fangs and hissed. Panic fueled by adrenaline flowed through her, and she gripped the fledgling by the neck and tore him open. 

From behind, Kirsch drove his knife through the vampire’s back and into her heart. Of course, this had zero effect since the heart was a dead organ and served no function in the undead. It did stop the attack on Laura, however, and give Carmilla a chance to regroup and reach them. She separated the vampire from Kirsch and flung it into another that crested the stairs. All of these were young vampires. Stronger than any human, yes, but not a match for one such as she. Curious that in this world of diminished food resources that she’d meet multiple fledglings in one den. Now wasn’t the time to think about it, though.

“Run!” Carmilla yelled. 

Twenty feet. Sunlight from the open doors washed over the worn marble floors before them, and she almost laughed at how such a deadly thing could feel like safety and comfort for the first time in centuries. It would be close, but with the right timing, she should be able to slide into panther form as she crossed the threshold. Until then she didn’t want to chance being vulnerable near these freaks.

Ten feet. Five. 

The tuxedoed vampire flew past them and blocked the way. Laura skidded to a halt but nonetheless, crashed into his waiting arms.

“Interesting,” he said, smiling at Carmilla. “A powerful vampire enters my domicile, bringing me such ripe presents, and yet she decides to leave with her offerings. Perhaps one of my children has offended you. Stay, and I promise to punish them.” 

Carmilla growled. “Let her go, Sinatra wannabe. You don’t want to piss me off.”

“Oh? And are you going to stop all of us?” He said, and when his minions filed in around them, he winked. “Come, stay awhile. Perhaps we’ll share this girl between us.”

A booming crack shattered Tuxedo’s smug tone and the side of his head. Kirsch held a 45 in one hand and with the other snatched Laura away. “Uh, yeah, how about no on that, dude. She said to let the lady go.” He didn’t hesitate, shooting two more before they recovered from the shock of their leader having his brains pulverized. That left nine that, as one, turned their fury on Kirsch. His eyes met hers, and they shared a moment of understanding. He mouthed “go” and pulled something from his jacket pocket. A pin slipped from it and hit the floor. 

Carmilla threw Laura over her shoulder and sprinted for the exit.

“No Carm! They are going to kill him!” Laura screamed, fighting to get away. To save him, but unable to break free. 

The sun scorched Carmilla’s exposed flesh. Blistering and boiling her skin as if she had been exposed to a combination of oil and fire. She ignored the pain. She ignored the screams of the dying young man behind her. She ignored the explosion that followed his death. Nothing mattered except Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I feel like most of you had a pretty good idea about Laura's mom. This fic isn't over though! Far from it. 
> 
> Also, I'm forever irritated that in S3 Danny was a stronger vampire than Carmilla. I specifically tried to refute that thinking in this chapter.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath. The road to healing must start somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been away a ridiculously long time and I'm sure that anyone who was reading this fic figured it to be abandoned. Not so. Last year I had an awful time editing two of my friend's novels and that experience drained me of any desire to have a creative relationship with words. I'm back now, though, and rejuvenated.
> 
> If you need a reminder of what happened last chapter, here goes. I'll keep it short: Carmilla, Laura, and Kirsch entered the mall in hopes of finding Laura's mom and SJ. Instead they found death. Laura's mother's body was several days cold and SJ was beyond all hope. Unfortunately, Kirsch died helping them to escape.

Rushing headlong into the breaking rays of the sun was inadvisable even on the cloudiest of days. Less than a minute of exposure to sunlight had considerably weakened Carmilla. She was almost grateful for the blistering burns that marred her hands and nearly the entirety of her face as they offered a distraction from the destruction left in their wake. Messy would be an understatement in describing their escape from the mall. Kirsch dead. Laura’s mom, dead. Ultimately, they’d achieved nothing, and somewhere in the back of her mind, a traitorous voice whispered that Laura would blame her for this failure.

She held out as long as possible before ducking into an abandoned building less than a block from the mall. Not ideal, but she was in danger of becoming an extra crispy vampire. Carmilla led Laura up a few flights of stairs before randomly ducking into an apartment that faced west—away from the sun. Laura quietly helped her barricade the door before saying in a small voice she wanted to be alone. Her gaze seemed to want to focus on anything but Carmilla. What that meant, she wasn’t exactly sure.

And perhaps, if every one of her nerve endings hadn’t felt like they’d been exposed to acid, Carmilla might have tried to coax her into talking. But in this condition, a heart to heart wasn’t on the table. Truthfully, the pain was so excruciating she could barely stand. After watching Laura make her way through the shattered remains of a glass patio door, she did the opposite and retreated into the darkest spot available—an empty walk-in closet that provided the temporary sanctuary she needed. She kept the door cracked enough for a small sliver a light to shine through. Enough to make out a hint of Laura’s back as she leaned against the patio railing and stared out at the empty city.

Carmilla gritted her teeth and disrobed. Each garment felt like it was peeling away a layer of skin. And a quick examination of her body confirmed that the damage was as bad, if not worse than expected. Blisters and angry, inflamed burns extended even to those parts of her that clothing had covered. With nothing else to do except wait for her vampire healing to kick in, Carmilla pulled the journal out of her leather jacket. She detected a faint hint of Laura’s soothing scent as she sifted through the pages.

By now she’d read the entire book. Most of the passages were mundane and so self-righteously “Laura” that Carmilla often smiled fondly. There were dozens of entries where Laura went on and on about wanting to do something foolishly heroic. Change the world, make a difference, help people. The signs had always been there, and from the beginning, Carmilla had immediately recognized that self-sacrificing tendency that was the tragic flaw of so many heroic types. 

They almost died last night because of it. Hell, Kirsch, that idiot puppy had been torn apart, had died saving them. Thinking about him caused an unexpected wave of regret to wash over her. So much loss within a few short hours, but she worried that the worst casualty was Laura’s hope.

Carmilla’s hand shook as she turned to one of her favorite entries. It was a dedication to Laura from her mother. Fingerprint smudges covered much of the page, and the ink had long ago faded from its original bright blue. She ran her fingers along the cursive script of each neatly written word.

_Dear Laura,_

__

__

_I hope you don’t mind that I took the first page for myself! I know your father has been hammering warnings and safety into your head for the last few years, but I wanted to remind you of something. Do you know why the Infected go crazy? It’s because they’ve lost their minds. Here’s another for you to remember me by. What’s an Infected’s favorite bean? A human bean._

_Love always, Mom_

The jokes were cringe-worthy, and the message leaned more toward silly than heartfelt, but a mother’s love for her child was plain to see in each and every word. Several sketches of dancing animals framed the short paragraph. Forest creatures playing with a smiling little girl decorated the page. The child in the drawings resembled a young Laura. Painstaking details embellished each image along with an occasional dash of color thrown in among the flowers and animals. The effect created a world prettier than the one they lived in.

She cradled the journal against her belly and curled her body around it, as if it were her center. As if Laura’s words could provide a shelter from the pain coursing through her. Eventually she slept and dreamed of nightmarish figures who resembled victims of her past. They cackled with glee and whispered terrible promises. Some threatened to drown her in a sea of blood while others caressed her with vicious talons that seared their hatred into her flesh. Visions of her past and future played on repeat; she would lose everything again and again.  

Forever.

When she woke hours later, and the first thing Carmilla did was seek out Laura’s familiar heartbeat. It was a steady rhythm that had imprinted itself upon her consciousness and in some part of her psyche, she was aware of it at all times. She climbed to her feet and was pleased to note that most of the UV damage she’d sustained, had healed. At some point, Laura had been in the room because her clothing was missing. Only her leather jacket she’d used as a pillow remained. Carmilla quickly tucked the journal into the side pocket and then strolled naked into the open living area.

Even though she was close, Carmilla didn’t immediately spot Laura. A quick glance to the balcony showed the makings of a storm on the horizon. Light rainfall sprinkled across the balcony floor and made its way through the shattered remains of the sliding glass door. All of their clothing hung over the railing and was receiving a much-needed bath.

“Hey.”

Carmilla turned around to find Laura gazing at her from the entranceway of the apartment. She was nude, and her hair was damp, likely from an impromptu rain shower. But she looked refreshed and not at all like a girl being cracked open. Carmilla ran her eyes across the contours of Laura’s body. Unlike her own, several scars riddled Laura’s skin. She wore them without shame and as they were merely landmarks on the tapestry of her life. 

Laura spoke before Carmilla managed a reply. “You were sleeping, so I grabbed your things and put them outside to wash. Our clothes were disgusting, so I uh, washed them. I washed too.” Her eyes flicked to the open doorway leading outside. “The sun should go down soon; you can bathe then. If you want. I put a bucket outside to collect water. I guess all we need to do now is figure out where to go next. I think it’ll be safer to move at night. I saw a militia patrol of Mel’s people out earlier, and I’m honestly not sure if we should avoid them. They’ve probably figured out what happened to Kirsch.” Her voice faded at the end and the rambling series of words ended as quickly as they’d begun.

That’s when Carmilla spotted it. Beneath the surface of Laura’s calm exterior, there was a tiny flaw, a fissure in her hastily erected wall of strength. Carmilla wanted to tell her that sometimes it’s okay to break, to let the pain out, but she sensed that Laura desperately needed to have some control. 

So, for now, Carmilla helped in the only way she knew how. She waggled her brows and said, “If you wanted to see me naked so badly, all you had to do was ask. No need to steal a girl’s clothes.”

Laura snorted and said, “Uh, the burns have improved, but you still look like a ripe strawberry. Trust me; I can resist.”

Carmilla pantomimed a hurt expression. “Touche.”

“Speaking of that,” Laura said, sheepish, closing the space between them. “How are you feeling? I was a little too lost in my head this morning, and I should have made sure you were okay. I didn’t see how bad it was until I checked in on you earlier. Why didn’t you change?”

She was, of course, referring to Carmilla’s panther form. “We needed to communicate, and you still haven’t learned to decipher my growls.” The attempt at humor fell flat, but Laura’s mouth curved upward all the same. Shrugging Carmilla continued, “I rolled the dice we would reach safety before it became too much of an issue. Seconds mattered, and I didn’t want to take a chance any confusion.”

“You’re always thinking of me. Putting me first. Sacrificing yourself for me.” Laura’s hand reached out, and her fingertips lightly grazed the red tinted skin of Carmilla’s arm. “I’m scared that one day I’ll lead you to a place we won’t survive.”

How ironic was it that Laura’s fear mirrored her own? She cradled Laura’s chin in her hand and brought their mouths together for a gentle kiss. “Laura,” she murmured against her lips, “you are not a sacrifice. You are the brightest thing I’ve ever known.”

Laura wiped at her shimmering eyes and seemed at a loss for words in the wake of that admission. She searched Carmilla’s face for something. An answer that would make all of this worth it. Finally, she wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist and hugged her tight.

“Why don’t we bring our clothes inside and let them dry? Maybe in a few hours, the rain will let up, and we can move on?” To where? Carmilla didn’t know, didn’t care. As long as that place was far away from here. They huddled together in the closet where Carmilla had slept earlier. It was a small space, but large enough for them to stretch out. The chill in the air made this a necessity for keeping warm. She admired Laura’s desire to wash their things, but unfortunately she hadn’t left anything to wear, or lay on.

“You feel like a block of ice, Carm.”

The complaint lacked bite and Carmilla chuckled as she stroked Laura’s hair. They lay facing each other, arms and legs intertwined. She wasn’t surprised that her skin carried a noticeable chill as vampires were dead and thus not effective conductors of heat. But, in this case, it was a gnawing, all-encompassing hunger that was responsible for her current body temperature issues. The energy required to heal her burnt flesh had been greater than expected. She would have to feed soon, but Laura’s needs took precedence over her own. And at this moment, Laura needed her more than ever.

Seconds fell into minutes, and the silence was strangely comforting. She appreciated that sometimes they didn’t need words. Still, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Laura took her time in responding. “No. Yes.”

“You don’t have to say anything. If you want to, I’ll listen.” Carmilla held Laura’s hand in her own and kissed the knuckles, one by one. She could smell—practically taste—the fresh blood that flowed beneath the surface. The beast within stirred from its restful sleep and she nearly flinched when her fangs dropped. She’d die before ever hurting Laura, but this closeness was testing every inch of her resolve.

“I know,” Laura said and rolled so that her back was facing Carmilla’s front. She sighed and continued, “I hate that I put you through all this.” She choked on the last word. “This whole thing was pointless. Kirsch is dead, and I’ve put you through so, so much. All of this could have been prevented if I had just done things differently.”

Nothing had turned out the way they hoped, but she refused to let Laura believe any of this was her fault. Despite the delicate, intoxicating scent of her blood, Carmilla pulled her close and said, “Sweetheart, listen and hear what I say. You aren’t to blame for any of this. Me. Your mother. Kirsch. None of it. We are each responsible for our own decisions. I chose you. Kirsch came along hoping to save a friend. Your mother chose to leave your compound that day. I’m certain that neither would want you to take responsibility for their choices.”

“I know that. I do. But I can’t help thinking I failed both of my parents. And I should be crying for them, I want to cry for them, but I don’t have anything left. I feel cold and lost. Shouldn’t I feel more?” She sounded so small and so removed from the girl who fought against impossible odds.

“I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to grieve, sweetheart.” Carmilla kissed Laura’s ear. “You are not lost, and you will never be alone.” It was an impossible promise, but she didn’t care. “I’ve told you this before, but I would tear this world asunder to be by your side.”

The fervent declaration seemed to float over them, a blanket of truth in the endless shadow of night. Laura didn’t respond, but she melted against Carmilla, and, for now, that was plenty. She would need time before she could trust that the people she cared about wouldn’t leave her. Carmilla intended to give her all space and time she required. Unfortunately, a rapidly escalating concern was the growing hunger that threatened to overwhelm all of her other senses. Her hunger, her demon, her constant companion, raged for freedom and made aggressive attempts to dominate. Half of her awareness focused on Laura, but the other half concentrated on keeping an iron grip on her control. She was a long way from losing her sanity, but the faint blue veins beneath Laura’s skin were all but impossible to ignore.

“Do you think this will ever be over? That there is a place for us where life isn’t, I dunno, a constant horror fest with death and suffering?”

“I don’t know,” Carmilla answered honestly. She brushed strands of hair away from Laura’s face and said, “All we can do is try.”

Laura laughed at that, a somewhat bitter and melancholy sound. “Suddenly you’ve gotten all hopeful and optimistic on me?”

“What can I say? Perhaps you’re rubbing off on me.”

Once more, Laura fell silent, and shortly thereafter, drifted into a restless sleep. Carmilla waited as long as possible, about an hour, before carefully disengaging and easing out of the closet. Now all she needed to do was figure out how to find fresh blood. With any luck, she’d find a hapless fool and be back in less than an hour. The cloud cover made this an exceptionally dark night which would aid her should she be forced to fight. She’d been marinating this problem around in her head for the last few hours, and the only conclusion she came to was the compound they’d left the previous night. Laura said she’d seen a few patrols of them wandering the streets that afternoon. Undoubtedly, they‘d been searching for Kirsch, and Mel’s group would be on edge after one of their own went missing.

She squirmed into her jeans and grimaced at the touch of the wet cloth to her skin. Not ideal, but she didn’t want to commit murder while prancing around naked. The best exit strategy was the balcony, but before she jumped over the railing, a sleepy voice spoke from behind her.

“Carm?”

Dammit. Carmilla blew out a ragged breath and turned around. So much for leaving unnoticed. “Hey, I need to step out for a bit. I’ll be back in an hour or two.”

“Step out? Why?” Laura stepped forward only to stop and frown when Carmilla followed her movement to keep the distance between them. She didn’t sound angry, just confused.

“I’m hungry. Last night’s escapade and the healing my body needed has eaten through my energy reserves. I need blood.” Her fangs refused to retract—a symptom of her body being in hunting mode, and the more she spoke, the more Carmilla noticed the slight lisp coming through her speech. 

“You need blood,” Laura repeated as if she didn’t quite understand.

“Don’t come closer.” 

Laura ignored her warning until she stood within touching distance. Anxiety made Carmilla’s insides twist into a proverbial knot. Laura had seen the monster, but she hadn’t seen this kind of raw hunger. Hunger that was now aimed in her direction.“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

“You don’t get to protect me from worry. You can talk to me Carm. Even on a day like today. Even on the worst of days.”

Carmilla growled. It was an overreaction to the light criticism, so she actively tried to keep any irritation out of her tone. “Fair enough, but can we save the discussion for later? I think it would be best for us to get this out of the way before trying to make our escape.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Laura said, disquieted. “Where are you going to go?”

“Hopefully, I can run into a random patrol. If not, well we know exactly where some humans are. I’ll sneak into the compound and do my best to keep the chaos to a minimum.”

In a flash, Laura’s expression changed from wary to horrified. “No. You can’t go back there! You can’t eat one of them. We have hurt those people enough.”

Perplexed, and momentarily distracted from the carotid artery in Laura’s neck, Carmilla said, “You’ve seen me feed before…”

“Bad people, Carm. Those people were bad.”

Frustration welled, and Carmilla had to rein in her sharp temper. “I’m a vampire sweetheart. I don’t choose my victims based on their deeds. This isn’t a good or evil situation.”

Laura stepped away and ran her fingers through the unruly mess of her hair. “It‘s not right; we should find another way.”

“Right? Wrong? That doesn’t change the fact that I need blood, Laura. We don’t have a ready source of bad guys this time. And I hate to tell you this, but it will happen again. This is what I am, a predator, and hoping for something easier won’t change that fact.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

Laura’s face screwed up in dissatisfaction, but she said, “Yes, I do.”

Carmilla cupped her jaw and nodded in understanding. This undoubtably would be a never-ending point of contention between them, one they would need to learn to compromise on.

 “You can’t leave. Please. Not tonight. I can’t spend tonight worrying if you will come back to me.”

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t wait any longer. A few more days, and…” she trailed off, unwilling to think about the consequences of not feeding.

“Me, then. Drink my blood.”

The monster loved this suggestion, and Carmilla hated herself for it. “No. Hell no. Absolutely not. Laura, no.” The monster smiled at her harsh rejection. ‘One doth protest too much’ it seemed to say. 

“Stay with me. How much would you have to take? Maybe give me a drop of your blood after, it’ll make up for the loss,” Laura suggested, not even trying to hide her desperation.

It wasn’t a terrible suggestion, but Carmilla sighed and offered a sad smile. “I won’t kill anyone, okay? I’ll make them a little sleepy, and in the morning, no one will be the wiser.”

“It’s not that. Well, not only that,” Laura said with a shake of her head. “I don’t want you hurting innocent people, but I can’t stop thinking if you leave here tonight, I might never see you again. Maybe that’s irrational, but I’d rather give up a pint of blood or two than risk that. Please. _Please, Carm._ You won’t hurt me.”

Shit. The look on her face was something between a puppy and a temptress. Shit. Probably closer to a temptress since she was still nude. “Laura,” Carmilla said, pained, “you’re not food.”

 “Oh, I dunno. Don’t forget, you have eaten me before,” Laura said with an eye roll, and a smile was only a little bit forced. She took Carmilla‘s hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. Back in the closet, Laura removed the candle from her pack and after a few tries, lit the wick. The flickering light lent the room a soft glow, almost romantic.

Which was wrong and obscene. Nothing about this situation was romantic. However, the beast lay dormant, interested in what would happen next. Laura’s thumb “This isn’t—Laura, this isn’t something gentle. It’s taking without consent. You’ve seen me feed. It’s cruel, brutal.”

Laura took on a thoughtful expression before she responded. “But, does it have to be those things when it’s freely given?”

Surprised, Carmilla blinked. It was a simple question, softly asked, and yet one she didn’t have a quick answer for. “I can’t be sure. I’ve never tried; no one has ever offered. Why would they?”

“I would, Carm. For you. Not just to keep you safe, or to protect someone from being bitten. Those are valid reasons, but I’ll do this because you shouldn’t always have to live in a place that forces you to be something you’re not and also because I want to.”

Carmilla thought of her many victims, thousands of over hundreds of years. Most hadn’t fought her, but there was a difference between accepting one’s fate and offering when you have nothing to gain. Once more, Laura’s sincerity and warmth calmed her demons.

“Okay, we’ll do this,” Carmilla said as she turned Laura’s hand over in her own and examined the soft underside of her wrist. There were other spots she preferred to drink from more, as the ulnar artery in the wrist could be tricky to get to, but at least this way she’d be able to watch Laura’s reaction to the blood loss. Maintaining eye contact, she raised Laura’s wrist to her mouth and kissed the skin. Then she struck.

Laura winced and instinctively tried to pull away, but Carmilla held her tight, and after a few seconds she relaxed. Hot blood flowed into her mouth, each drop tasting like liquid bliss. In reality, she couldn’t tell the difference from one person’s blood over another’s, but she imagined that Laura’s was sweeter than any of the others. It tasted like a kindness given and, until this moment, Carmilla never considered that this process was capable of true intimacy. Strangely enough, she felt cherished. When she finished, she nicked her thumb against a fang and added a few drops of her dark blood to the seeping punctures wounds. The cuts sizzled for a second before beginning to scab over.

“How are you?”

“Not bad, a little tired,” Laura responded with a yawn. “Did it help?”

“It did.” Carmilla smiled at her and kissed the corner of her mouth. No need to introduce her girlfriend to blood flavored kisses. “Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll wake you when it’s time to go.”

Several hours later, they gathered their things in preparation to leave the city. There was one more task Carmilla wanted to complete, though. Laura cast her a questioning glance as she led them back to the entrance of the mall.

“Wait here; I won’t be but a minute.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to get your mother out of there. She won’t rot in that place.”

A surprised, ragged sob tore from Laura’s throat, and she briefly turned away to gather herself. “Carm, I—”

Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura from behind and spoke in her ear. “You don’t have to say anything. Just wait here, I won’t be but a minute or two.”

She detected no noise coming from the entrance, but still proceeded with caution. There were no signs of Kirsch’s body among the chunks of eviscerated vampire flesh littering the ground. Nothing moved on the bottom floor either, and she made quick work of gathering Laura’s mother’s body in a ratty discarded blanket.

Escaping the city turned out to be easier than entering it, but they didn’t stop moving until they were miles away.

“How about right there?” Laura asked and pointed to an old red oak tree. “Facing east so that the sun rises on her.”

Soon, they were standing over the makeshift grave that Carmilla had rapidly dug. Carmilla wrapped her arm around Laura’s shoulders and waited for her to make peace. For long minutes she said nothing until, finally, she pulled away and through a shaky breath said, “I wish I could leave something for her. I’ll probably never come back here, and I hate the thought of her being alone. That’s stupid, right? She’s gone and won’t care-”

Carmilla stopped her with a gentle hand and said, “No, it‘s not stupid. Why don’t you leave this for her?.” She held out Laura’s journal.

Laura stared between the diary and Carmilla, wide-eyed and confused. It didn’t take her too long, though, to put two and two together. Anger or resentment would have been acceptable reactions, but the only emotion that resonated was gratitude.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr: [ heyjenocide ](https://heyjenocide.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Come say hi or leave a comment below!


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